HELLO! My name is _________. :)

I have been called a lot of things. I am pretty non-picky about what people call me. I do not mind if people cannot spell my name.

Some of this is simply my passiveness letting other people do as they please, but some of it has come about in other ways, or is partially backed in other factors.

I learned what the b-word was by hearing it at school and subsequently repeating it…lets just say that it is a little shocking t get such a response from something you said when you didn’t know you were saying anything worse than stupid-head or butthead…I had learned that darn and crap and heck and other words like that were not appropriate, and I am pretty sure I had heard of the d word that stands for condemnation by then, and was well aware that was not appropriate, but I hadn’t heard this word before, so my context clues told me that it was used to refer to someone who was mildly annoying and so I said it as such…once I got to high school though, I was very well aware what it meant and that it was most definitely not appropriate. One girl in high school really didn’t like me–and I have no idea why, though I do know that I had been a bully-magnet in middle school as well…she called me the b-word one day and I was really upset about it…another girl told me it takes a b**** to b****…a phrase which has stuck in my head, though I really wish it hadn’t since I haven’t found a word to adequately replace the bad word and I don’t really like having the bad word swimming around in my head…anyway, all that to say that I usually tell people if I mind being called something that they can call me whatever they would like to call me as long as I know they are referring to me, though I would prefer not to be called swear words.

I have heard people say they will not answer to “hey you” or “teacher” or say “my name is not help,” but I am perfectly willing to answer to whatever people want to call me. I would guess that part of that is that I am awful at names, and not that good at recognizing faces either so I am very willing to cut people some slack in the naming department…I had a group of friends in middle school–I am pretty sure it was for more than one trimester, possibly even more than one year–and I sat with them at lunch every day…towards the end of our time together one of the girls went to the nurse during lunch, and we went with her…one of the other girls had come to lunch late or something and asked where we had been…I volunteered the information that we had gone with Lauren (not sure if that is the name I used) to the nurse…well the girl I was talking to was very confused…I mostly knew the list of names of people that I ate lunch with, but I wasn’t very sure which name went to which girl, and the person I was talking to happened to be Lauren–not the one who had gone to the nurse…I had probably repeated myself a couple times when Lauren said something like what do you mean? I didn’t go to the nurse…haha yeah, so I didn’t even know my “really close” friends’ names…

I do not think I have used my name on here, and I am not sure I am comfortable giving out my name in this forum considering how much information I have put out here and that I haven’t turned off indexing or searching…but after I had been free of self-injury for one year I changed the way I spelled my name as a physical reminder that I was a new person. My parents were not very supportive of the change. Kaylee told me that they would be more supportive once they knew why, but she was wrong–they weren’t…anyway, I changed the way I spelled my name, but because legally my name is spelled the old way I still need to use that spelling for school and official things, though I have taken to adding my middle initial to differentiate things a bit more…I already have a longer name, so the extra effort of adding the middle initial is annoying, but it does help me so I keep doing it…anyway, due to the two different spellings of my name, I am very lax with how people spell my name…I don’t really care if they spell it one way or the other or merge the two or add random letters…it really doesn’t bother me…the only thing that bothers me is if someone asks which I prefer and then does the opposite–I won’t say anything, but it will annoy me…I suppose it probably also helps that where I work there are lots of people with the same name but different spellings–and many of them will look at me like I am stupid if I ask for a spelling (also unfortunately many of them can’t seem to spell their name correctly for me anyway…so even if I get a spelling I still end up using my creative thinking to guess what the actual spelling is…made even more fun when I ask for a birthday and get a series of 4 numbers or just something else that doesn’t make sense…so I will never complain if someone doesn’t know how to spell my name…side note, working with the general public makes me very aware of the level of stupid that the average person is capable of, and makes me really want to try not to be so stupid myself…

There are sometimes what people call me bothers me…when I was waiting for my carpool after swimming one day and commented to someone who had something about girls and guns that I like guns and someone said “the quiet one likes guns” it didn’t bother me to be called the quiet one…however, a couple years ago when I had posted a video script on facebook from this identity video that I love and someone commented “Good observation Quiet Girl” that bothered me. I don’t mind being called the quiet girl–that is probably a good descriptor of me. Saying it as if it were my name I did not appreciate so much, especially since I had been working really hard on talking more and was experiencing a lot of success right then…I do know that person was not trying to cut me down, but I had worked so hard for my success and to be called “Quiet Girl” as if I was still not talking felt to me like it was telling me that my progress was not good enough–and I did not appreciate anyone discounting my progress…I might be quiet, but Quiet Girl is not who I am…

Being a girl with a name that starts with a less common first letter, I am very used to people calling me another name that starts with that letter, and it doesn’t really bother me…I figure as long as I know they are talking to me that is close enough…however there is one person who consistently gets it wrong, apologizes each time, but continues to get it wrong, and will often start explaining to me why he gets it wrong because there is an a in your name and…yeah, whatever…being called the wrong name doesn’t bother me that much, but I don’t really want to hear excuses, especially if the excuse is kind of lame…Ariel and Angelica are both girl names that start with A and have an L in them…do those also mess you up?…just sayin’…

Also, if I am not expecting someone to say anything and cannot pay attention t their words in time I am likely to not turn the sounds that I hear into syllables and words, so really any vowel sound that is in my name can get my attention if it is said in a tone of voice that indicates someone needs attention, because I don’t listen well enough in my status quo mode to even hear my name…makes it great when there is someone else with a similar name getting yelled at–I keep feeling my attention being pulled away from what I am doing…

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