You’re Still That Girl and you’re gonna change the world…if I can ever make up my mind :)

(Still That Girl: Britt Nicole)

Well I had a whole bunch of things I wanted to write about and I couldn’t decide which one to write about…so I decided to write about ALL THE THINGS…so yeah…

I am really excited that it finally got warm enough for snow…It was no fun when just walking from the hospital to my car my fingers got cold enough to hurt…I still have a pretty high pain threshold from my self-injury days though it has gone down some, so I don’t really feel cold that strongly until it starts to hurt…so I am probably not that safe on really cold days…but at least now I feel it as it is getting too cold rather than not really feel it until it starts warming back up…

Except there is one or two parts of being warm enough to snow that I am not so much of a fan of…for one thing, the actual snow…the snow in the correct location–on previously grassy hills and in backyards and not on sidewalks or anywhere else where it gets in my shoes is great, I am just not a fan of the slush getting everywhere…also I am not such a fan of the garage door peeing on me…but even better is that now it is warm enough for the snow to melt 🙂

Also, lots of people tell me to drive safely…but my default is to kind of drive whatever speed seems safe to me–which tends to be somewhat above the speed limit…sometimes it is because when I am feeling really anxious or really frustrated or overwhelmed driving fast with the music as loud as it goes tends to help me calm down…also, driving fast makes me less worried about being late and I am the girl who consistently shows up to work at least a half hour early, so being late is something that I do not want to happen…and sometimes I drive fast because it is just what I do…so anyway yeah, I sometimes use cruise control to keep myself from speeding, but most of the time it is just not that big of a deal to me…Well on Monday a student from my school died in a one-car accident…It was kind of surprising, but I actually knew who this person was…and somehow that broke through my behavior…for a few days I was a little bit worried about getting in an accident and I actually drove pretty close to the speed limit for a few days…and then it wore off and I was back to usual driving whatever speed felt good to me…just a side-note, but when other people are in the car I do drive the speed limit, and though I drive fast, unless I am really anxious, I am careful to drive a speed that feels safe and keeps me in control, which occasionally is under the speed limit…don’t want to make it seem as if I am a crazy driver who never slows down and has no regards towards safety…

There is a book called “but I hardly ever wash my hands” I do not have any idea what it is about, but the title makes me think “but I hate washing my hands.” People probably think I like to wash my hands seeing as how I do it so often, but in reality I hate it so much…well the actual act of handwashing is not so bad, just how frequently I feel like I have to do it. Part of me would love to stand in front of the sink washing my hands all day, but another part of me really hates it and wishes someone would forcibly remove me from the situation when I am washing my hands unnecessarily…

Okay, so there is something that has been bugging me since towards the end of my senior year of high school…I got invited to a sleepover with the other senior girls from my church…it was nice to be included since this one was more of a friends overnight than a Sunday school class overnight, and the other girls tended to be a little clique-y sometimes which is totally understandable and self brought on since they had been together since they were little and I was new our sophomore year of high school and especially at first had no interest in breaking into their group because in my head I was still convinced that somehow this was a big nightmare that would end and I would go back to my friends as if nothing had ever happened…so I didn’t try very hard to make friends with them because I did not want to be there anyway…so yeah, I actually was invited to this sleepover, and everyone was sharing memories they had of each other (most of which had happened before I was around and I not had happened somewhere besides church) and one of the moms came up to me and said something like you don’t have to participate since you are a really private person…that kind of made me mad…Yes, I am quiet, but I do not think anyone who really knows me would label me as a private person. It is hard for me to talk to people so if you only include information shared verbally then yes, I am an extremely private person, but if you include information shared via writing whether in notes or via facebook or email, I will tell you more than you could ever want to know about myself. I am actually learning to filter some of this communication to try to avoid over-sharing, but if asked, I am more than willing to tell you pretty much anything about me…so basically give me a comfortable way to share and you won’t be able to get me to shut up…I am NOT a private person. Quiet, yes, but private, definitely not!

So this is really random, and I think I found this page because I was reading another blog and it had a link that said something about what happens when mom is sick that I clicked to get to this blog then from there I liked the title of this blog so I scanned the list of old posts to see if anything caught my attention which this one about sensory seekers and sensory avoiders did…and basically the actual post wasn’t as interesting as the title made it sound, but I scanned the characteristics of sensory avoiders and sensory seekers and found that I had traits of each category…yeah, I didn’t have anything of value to say about that…

Also, just wanted to say that I wish I had started this on BlogSpot instead of wordpress…I think BlogSpot makes a lot nicer blogs than wordpress but I had already used wordpress numerous times for school projects, and my previous blog that I gave up on…so I kind of wanted the predictability of wordpress…I already had used it and was comfortable with how it works, so I figured why change something that works…yeah, I probably could have figured out BlogSpot and had a more functional blog, but wordpress works to put my thoughts online, so that is good enough for me…


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