Hate is strong in this one…

So there is something that I hate with a passion. I wrote about it in my journal, but my blood is still boiling about it so I’m gonna blog about it as well…because I can…

So we were doing My biggest fear and my biggest dream pages at school this week, and someone’s page is displayed that says “To Write Love on Her Arms” next to “My Biggest Fear.” I wish I could claim that paper. Oh my gosh, not necessarily fear, but a lot of hate is coming from me aimed directly at TWLOHA. TWLOHA is a huge obstacle to recovery. I have nothing against Christian self-injury support organizations–I am perfectly happy to support the Lysamena Project, but a self-injury support site that also promotes self injury–NO WAY…For that matter, I have nothing against non-Christian self-injury support either. I am fairly certain SAFE alternatives is not religiously affiliated and I have nothing against them either (and the name is kinda cool). The idea of self-injury support is good, and the fact that the people at TWLOHA are Christian and go on Compassion International trips is good. However, any self-injury support group that also promotes self-injury is definitely misguided and very much on my naughty list.

I guess if you have never self-injured and never really visited “our world” you may not understand the problem, but cutting is also sometimes called writing on our arms, screaming red, communicating in blood, or other analogous phrases. Because I am a music junky I can’t help but quote the lyrics here “Covering up lies that she wrote with a razor sharp pen.” I suppose if you modus operandum is cutting and you are cutting words like “stupid” and “failure” into your skin that cutting the word love with hearts and stars is an improvement, but when that is not the form of self-injury you have been utilizing and you are still somewhat new to recovery, it is extremely triggering to hear about this organization. To be honest, when I heard about it for the first time I was REALLY struggling not to find a knife and cut a heart with the word love around it. At this point I had been “clean” for about a year and a half if I remember correctly, so to be going so far backwards as to do something so much more damaging than I’d done before would have been a HUGE setback, and it was really scary how much that idea got into my head, how much I really wanted that. I got as far as planning how it would look, but luckily I did not hurt myself…and that is why I absolutely hate with a passion TWLOHA. Hate is a strong word, but any organization that can’t take a minute to understand the world they think they are going to save has a problem, and when that problem has impact on my own life I feel justified in harboring some hatred.


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