The microwave is fast when it cooks food…and Nike’s

(planes, phones, microwaves–Go Fish)

This post is not actually about the microwave in particular…just about the things I have learned this year about food…it kinda makes me laugh once I get past the frustration when I discover things that perhaps should have been obvious that I didn’t know…Here are a few of the things I have learned…

1. So here is a big one I learned at the beginning of the semester: potatoes do not last forever…particularly potatoes still in the sealed plastic bag in an apartment that you might not have the air conditioning on during the day (oops…well I wasn’t going to BE there…)…the potatoes start to smell weird, and when you open the bag for the first time, little bugs crawl out…for this germ phobic girl that is a terrifying discovery…forget about the cost of the potatoes…the idea of little bugs inside my apartment even if they are mostly contained by a plastic bag is pretty scary.

2. Yes, it does matter that the inside of the milk carton is lined with metal…Yeah, so the milk accidentally froze so I decided to microwave it…and it started sparking…after that the milk was mostly still frozen but tasted burn-y…so yeah, that was kind of gross and another thing I threw away…

3. If your refrigerator doesn’t really feel cold then maybe it isn’t…and maybe that’s a problem…it took me at least a week to figure this one out…as in I didn’t figure it out until the fridge had been room temperature for a couple days…

4. Almond milk that has not been refrigerated properly tastes like acid. However, if you are so used to forcing down milk that tastes disgusting because it took many years before your parents tried out soy milk and discovered it could take the fight out of drinking milk, you will still drink it before realizing it was a problem…luckily I didn’t get sick from that…

5. The salami on sale for super cheap at the grocery store might be super cheap for a reason and might not taste very good…it also might not be good if you decide to spend a couple hours making a couple packages of it into bacon and try to freeze it…yeah, it turned into frozen meat-leather that wasn’t any good warmed up either…

6. Ramen should not be creamy (even if you added meat or vegetables to it). This is something that happens when you make it, and put it in a fridge that you haven’t yet realized has a problem…it will taste gross when you attempt to eat it, but this time you opt to throw it out…which, by the way, bowls of ramen smell pretty bad going down the drain in the sink as well and probably will need to be washed twice to get the smell out…

7. Carrots require refrigeration, or at least not 80 degree temperatures…Yeah, after a week in a nonfunctional fridge you will be really glad the bag of carrots is still sealed, because it turned into pretty orange foam sorta like sweet potatoes…I don’t like sweet potatoes, and I don’t care to find out if I like carrot foam…

8. Crackers do not last forever…So I bought a bunch of food before first year for when I needed food when the cafeteria wasn’t open, and I had a lot more than I needed…this box of crackers traveled back and forth every year, and I finally decided I wanted some crackers this January (I do love crackers, but it seemed like such a commitment to open the box…). Well the box smelled kinda weird, but I figured that was from my ice brick that exploded on it the summer prior to first year…umm yeah, I maybe should have realized there was a problem when the smell got stronger upon opening a sleeve of the crackers…but it didn’t actually occur to me there was a problem until I was ready to eat lunch and realized that the crackers smelled like gasoline and when I put them in my mouth they didn’t taste right and it felt like I was pouring super concentrated sour stuff on my tongue…luckily I was smart enough to not continue eating the crackers…

9. You should probably seal the bag of crackers before putting it into the trash pile, because most people probably don’t work on convincing themselves that the smell of expired crackers is the smell of home for a few weeks until the smell dissipates (hey, don’t hate on my inability to take out the trash in a timely manner)…

10. There is a reason there are directions on the packages of easy-mac…and you should probably follow them…If you don’t follow directions and decide to pour the cheese in at the same time as the noodles you end up with macaroni soup…which actually is not very good…although if this happens at a time when you aren’t really drinking water much yet, it is probably beneficial to get some liquid in that way…

11. No matter how frustrated you are with how difficult a can is to open, DO NOT hold it upside down to try to get more leverage on the can opener to get the stupid thing open…because trust me, when you finally do get the can open, you will not want it positioned upside down…also makes it rather challenging to determine how much seasoning to throw into the chili when you just spilled most of the sauce of the pre-seasoned ingredients onto the counter/floor/yourself and also wasn’t really sure how much to use in the first place…

12. “Lifetime supplies” probably aren’t…yeah, at the beginning of the year I thought I literally had a lifetime supply of candy/sugar laden items and of pop…I didn’t…The supply of pop is now 4 cans (so about a month’s worth since I only use it for post-counseling treat). The supply of sugar has gone from a big blue rubbermaid box to a sorta pitiful looking drawer in my kitchen…unless you count the sterilite box of skittles next to my bed, but those are only for after making phone calls until I completely run out of sugary snacks…and most of the candy drawer at this point is gum and mints which I try to save for times I need it to control nausea since that is less intimidating than meds (and possibly more effective for anx-induced nausea?)…but since the biggest goal of the sugar is to control anxiety and nausea contributes to anxiety, that will definitely get used if necessary…and I don’t think I have another pop and candy supply back in my room in MN anymore either…

I feel like I had some really good mishaps and stories, but I actually can’t remember most of them anymore…might need a part 2 someday…I gotta get back to studying, because one of my grades in particular really needs to improve, because as much as I can pretend I don’t care, I do. I still am pretty upset about my micro grade. I don’t feel a lot of hope about my grades anymore, but I want to believe it is still possible to redeem myself.

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