Wings why won’t you let me fly sentenced to this lonely land put here by my own hands

(Too Far Gone–Tyler Burkum) Slowly I really am escaping the prison my OCD has tried to force me to live in. Yesterday I washed a few plastic cups and put them in the fridge. Do normal people wash cups that just came out of the cupboard and were previously cleaned before being placed there–probably not… Do normal people use somewhat large amounts of extra-concentrated dish soap on each individual cup–probably not… Do normal people store cups in the refrigerator–probably not… Do normal people still use plastic cups on a regular basis in their 20’s–probably not… Do I care–definitely not… This is a huge success. I almost always drink out of disposable water bottles because that seems safest. They start clean on the inside from the store, the part where your mouth goes is protected, they tend to seal well, they tend not to break, and if they feel contaminated it is not such a huge loss of investment if you impulsively or (non-impulsively) throw away the offending bottle. I have also used individually wrapped disposable Styrofoam cups, and am fine with other disposable cups if I know they are from a previously unopened bag and have watched how they have been handled to ensure their safety. Due to social pressure and the fact that this girl is sugar-addicted depending on how I am doing and on the demands of the situation I may be able to drink from other sources, but it isn’t comfortable, certainly isn’t my preference, and isn’t always possible. IF these are the modifications I need to be able to drink from a cup then I am proud of it. The re-washing, excessive soap, and refrigerator storage are all designed to minimize the germs on the cups. The plastic cups rather than the normal people cups that I really do own are partly because after eating and drinking from plastic containers with plastic utensils it feels most comfortable to use plastic. The other reason is that, like the disposable water bottles, a plastic cup is a lot smaller waste if I can’t handle how dirty it seems and throw it out than if I did the same with a normal cup… Oh, and mostly by necessity I am now using a non-disposable water bottle…see there was this little problem that I decided that probably there was stuff growing in my water bottle because it had had juice in it so frequently and been stored in my dark backpack. I was washing it almost daily, and sometimes multiple times a day and got frustrated with that so I threw it out to try again…little problem, I didn’t have another water bottle to replace it with. I decided I could use my bike water bottle (an old propel water bottle) as long as I was very careful with it…that would have been a good plan and that water bottle was almost a non-disposable water bottle to me so it was already a challenge, but I got the great idea to try some tea…well I didn’t have the patience to wait for the water to cool after it boiled (I needed it to boil to kill some germs) and poured boiling water into my water bottle…which quickly shrunk….it was kinda cool looking, but not very functional…which meant either I had to make it the rest of the semester with no water bottle (not a good choice) or be willing to bring a nondisposable water bottle to school…besides worrying about it getting dirty, real water bottles tend to leak more which is kind of annoying, and this water bottle anyway is kind of heavy, but I am not going to be defeated…perhaps I will find a better water bottle at home over the summer.

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