Hold Me Gently

(Hold me Gently–Michael Card)

So the title has very little to do with this post besides the fact that I have been listening to that song on repeat almost all week (there was a short break for some veggie tales and for don’t even try, but other than that and sleeping/being in class it’s been all Hold Me Gently all the time…it’s just what works best for me sometimes to pick one song and keep listening to it…I do not need, nor do I even always want variety…

So this is going to be a quick post since I really ought to be studying, but I have been so anxious that my studying ahs been so ineffective that I figure if I waste a little time on blogging that I won’t really have made a difference anyway…

So yeah, I had the strangest dream last night…the part that sticks out the most to me is that someone put Velcro on a bed and told me to lay on the Velcro and the bed seemed dirty but I couldn’t tell anyone so I got on the bed but touching the Velcro was not the position I wanted to be in so I laid in a similar position but not on the Velcro as a compromise, but my mom was there and forced me to lay on the Velcro and got people to hold me down while I screamed and tried to wriggle my way out of their hold…kind of funny how ridiculous but extremely accurate that dream was…I do sometimes have certain positions that I want to be in and others I don’t, which at my house can lead to some fights when I NEED to have my knees hugged to my chest while I eat and my mom wants my feet on the floor and will not accept a compromise of one knee up and the other almost down…and it may surprise some people, but if I am just around my family I can and do scream sometimes when I am really upset…and I do have to be held down sometimes…I think it was when I was in about 8th grade when I stopped needing to be held down to get vaccinations…it wasn’t that I suddenly matured though…it was just that my mom threatened to take away privileges if I didn’t start behaving…although I still remember screaming the entire ride home in like 11th grade when I wanted a bandaid and for some reason my mom didn’t want me to be wearing one…and I just kept finding them and outing them on and she’d take them away…not gonna lie though, I scream because I am too upset to do anything else, but from a developmental/behavioral point of view it kind of makes sense that I haven’t grown out of it, because like with that bandaid incident my mom bought me my own box of bandaids when I calmed down…and there are definitely other times it didn’t necessarily give me what I wanted but gave me something better than I had before I started screaming…

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