This won’t be the Last Time You Need a little Hope

(Angel By Your Side–Francesca Battistelli)

My brain needed a break, so I am taking a break from things to write a new post 🙂

Today I had my performance review for the year at work. Haha yeah, why yes I do have a lot of things balanced on my plate lately…

This was the first time I’d had one since casuals used to be exempt from reviews so I had no idea what to expect, but it was such a good experience. Especially with everything that has been going on with school, it felt really good to have someone telling me that they were impressed with me and that I was productive, doing quality work, and meeting expectations. Not that I want my ego inflated since I know that pride comes before a fall, but after hearing people at school essentially tell me that I made one mistake therefore I am probably just a person who will continue to make mistakes and therefore perhaps am not responsible enough to become a professional (this summary of the school’s opinion is in my words, but is the sense I got), it is really refreshing and such a good feeling to hear someone tell me that there is no question that I meet service standards because I am quite evidently responsible, conscientious, compassionate, patient, and flexible. (Too bad I hadn’t had it earlier in the day I could have used some good adjectives to describe myself on the intake forms that were never looked at this morning…just sayin’ I handed them in and saw them be set down on the desk not being looked at the entire time I was there…not sure what good that does, but I always have trouble figuring out how to describe my strengths and weaknesses in those tiny boxes…) It felt so good to hear that I was greatly appreciated, and not only that but that my manager wanted to check in with me to make sure that if I left my job that I wouldn’t wish that I’d gotten something different out of it. I also found out that apparently she tried to give me a pay boost, but when the hospital did a review and found out that I was now registered with the board as an intern rather than a technician (I cancelled my technician registration when I got the intern one because I didn’t know why I’d need both) they had to put me back at the beginning of the intern pay scale which is lower than the tech scale…I probably shouldn’t admit this, but I do not pay much attention to my paychecks because I work because it is generally enjoyable and because I LOVE to help out, and the money is really only secondary to me…I appreciate the money, but it is not what keeps me coming back…but it felt good to know that when they did that she argued for me to at least stay pretty close to where I was before, and that with interns every year the scale starts over but if I stay on whether as a casual or coming into more of a formal role that she will continue to ensure that I at least stay close to where I am and hopefully can get some increases. Leaving the topic of pay rates, I was also a little nervous when she brought up the category of communication, because I know that is an area that Elisha, Brittani, and Michelle all agreed that I needed to work on…so I was very pleasantly surprised to hear that my manager had no concerns about my communication skills and actually thought that as a casual I was doing really well. She mentioned that as an intern I may begin to move into that role more and so assuming I am still there next year my confidence in counseling patients and families on their medications would be incorporated into that category, and that tends to be an area where people are hesitant. While right now I do not really know enough about many drugs to confidently counsel patients/families on them, I do look forward to growing in that area. It feels so good to know that although the people in charge at school don’t think so highly of me that my coworkers, my friends, and the people at church (VBS people, nursery workers, kid’s parents, various other people who know me) are all impressed with me and to be honest sometimes they think so highly of me that I feel kind of embarrassed because I don’t feel like I am really *that* great and don’t think I really deserve so much recognition for just doing my job/using my skills…yeah, I really care about people and place their needs above my own, and I am dedicated to putting my best effort into things, but to me that usually just feels like acting in the way God would want me to act. It doesn’t really feel like anything special. Although I sometimes feel like I get too much recognition and am not a fan of that, I do like it better that most people look at me and see strengths whereas people at school seem to look at me and just see my mistake as a signpost marking my identity.

Haha yeah, so basically what I am trying to say is that I had my performance review today, four months after it was officially supposed to happen, and the timing was such a blessing.

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