I can’t believe I’m standin’ Here Forgiven and Free

(Savior–Go Fish)

This will be really short since I have rotation stuff to do…

It is so incredible to me how far God has brought me even just in the past few months. A few months ago I would really react if anyone even mentioned throwing up whether it had just happened or had happened years ago and I didn’t even know the person nor had I been in the same state. Yesterday a girl threw up on the bouncer I was supervising, and I was a little grossed out, but it didn’t really faze me…it honestly seemed important to deal with but not at all an emergency that was going to send me towards crisis. That is such a huge difference, and I really think there is no explanation on how I could make so much improvement besides God’s intervention.

On the social side I am also seeing how far I have come. Yeah, last week I was tired and stressed out about other things and when it was my turn to pray I tried so hard and couldn’t get the words out and the more I was pushed and the harder I tried the more frustrated I got in the situation, but yesterday at my rotation site I went through two call lists in the morning, and later was calling doctors and pharmacies about patients’ prescriptions. It certainly is not my favorite thing to do, but I can do it, and it really is not so awful anymore. It didn’t incapacitate me for the rest of the day or anything. I could go straight from calling to doing other meaningful work and counseling patients. Yeah, there are still times that the anxiety is holding me back, but those times are the exception rather than the norm now, and I think the more life experience I get the more I will learn how to respond to those situations…I do pick up on things over time, but when I was completely avoidant I wasn’t putting myself in situations in which it would have even been possible to pick up on things, so now I am a bit behind learning all the things I ought to have been learning throughout life.

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