To live to die to lose to care to rise above to love again

(Hope is what we crave–for King and Country)

Oh my, looking at my posts on twitter/facebook the past few days is really incredible…it is not that I think I am super amazing, or even that I think I had good things to say…it is not that socially I am able to be so much more vocal now than I ever used to be…The amazing miracle that I am seeing is the incredible amount of healing that has happened in my life.

My senior year of high school someone accused me of being suicidal. As I collected information, I am fairly certain that she knew I was not suicidal, but chose to do it because she wanted me to tell my parents about my past with self-injury. It was extremely upsetting. For one thing, if she had waited a few days, I was about to release the information to her and a few other people that I was thinking about telling my parents…and for the other thing, that is just so NOT okay. She involved someone at church who came to my house and shared stuff that I had posted on facebook and took things I had written on facebook or to her way out of context in order to make a case against me…

Ever since then, I have had a REALLY hard time even hearing the word suicide, and being around people promoting suicide prevention made me angry. No, I do not think it is a good idea to act as if someone else is thinking about suicide unless you they make it obvious…It has been a gradual process of intentional exposure, but even as of last spring when someone at my school decided to promote suicide awareness ( 😦 ) I avoided it as much as possible and refused to use any of their promotional materials except for a few post it notes that I scribbled out the parts I didn’t like first…I just couldn’t handle the reminders of the past pain…

Looking at my recent posts though, it is obvious that I have experienced a lot of healing around that event. I am now able to promote suicide prevention/awareness. I still am adamantly opposed to ever suggesting the possibility of suicidality unless you are pretty sure it is for real, and am even more opposed to involving anyone else in the process ESPECIALLY until you have talked to the person you are concerned about and they have confirmed that they are indeed serious about their intentions, but I am able to promote what I consider appropriate intervention…and the more general prevention of love your neighbor as yourself and do unto others as you’d have them do unto you…

Just wanted to share my little success moment 🙂 Jesus is pretty incredible 🙂

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