You Make All Things Work Together for my Good

(Your Love Never Fails–Newsboys)

While it is amazingness that I am not worried about germs anymore, it is times like right now that make me wish I maybe had kept a healthy level of fear of germs instead of reverting to toddler throw everything in your mouth behavior…

I am not 100% sure if I am getting sick or if I am just exhausted for no reason, and I don’t know if I’m allergic to something, or if it is a cold, or just tiredness that has made me feel like I am suffocating on and off for the past couple days, and perhaps this is a remnant of the OCD leftover–IDK if other people think this way or if it is just me, but I have been internally reviewing the past few days and finding a lot of ways I made myself vulnerable to getting sick…I am glad that I am not being ruled by anxiety and not freaking out about things that I have no control over, but it would be nice if I could, for example, wash my hands before I eat especially if I know the person I have been talking with prior to the meal has recently gotten over a stomach bug…there are some exposures that while I used to try to avoid, the appropriate response is to just accept the potential risk, but in other situations I feel like perhaps I should be a lot more careful about taking standard precautions…I decided pretty quickly after ending counseling with my first counselor that any rules I had agreed to with a counselor no longer need to be followed if I don’t want to anymore when the relationship is over, but I am really considering re-instituting BJB’s rule that hands must be washed before eating, but alter it to only for meals, because I think washing hands before meals is a reasonable thing to request that would keep me a bit safer…which safety might be kind of important since after the amount of avoidance I had I am probably more vulnerable to germs than the average person due to lack of exposure…

I know God has a plan for everything and that could include me getting sick, and I don’t get to decide if that is a good thing or not. With everything going on at school both academically and non-academically it is had sometimes to believe that God will work this for good, but I like to remind myself that my move to my new church on August 10, 2008 also felt like a completely horrible no good very bad thing, but even though I still have myself convinced sometimes that things could have happened differently and been better, I can’t deny that my at home best friend is amazing and I met her at the new church, and while it is true that I could have met her in different circumstances, the reality of the situation remains that it would have been a lot less likely, and that socially I really doubt I would have initiated anything with her even in my other fantasies of how I could have met her, and without the church situation she would have never had reason to reach out to me…

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