(Never Once–Matt Redman)
I had an appointment yesterday that was frustrating on so many levels…but I can look back at it and see that perhaps although I feel like I am standing on a mountain that this might be a struggle leading me to an even higher mountain…I know that God has given me victory to get to the top of this mountain, but getting to the top of another mountain requires either flying, climbing downward, or being pushed downward before I can stand on the struggled that brought me there to get to the top of the next mountain…
There’s another lyric stuck in my head today too “Nothing’s gonna stand in my way. Nothing’s gonna stand in my way.” (Even if–ZoeGirl)…People might throw barriers in my path, but you know what, hurdles were my favorite when I was in track, so I’ve got this. No one can stop this girl from following her dreams…(Haha, and why was this girl who has always hated running in track? Umm, good question, I really don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea…I tried almost every sport in an attempt to find one that was a good fit for me…and I think perhaps I thought I could get away with just doing hurdles and high jump and throwing things and never have to actually run…it didn’t work out so well…and the only time I got ribbons for anything other than showing up was when there were only five girls running the race I was in…and just my luck, 5th place was the same color as the showing up ribbon…Anyway…every victory is God’s power in me, and I have no reason to believe he would abandon me now.
Also, this is kind of making my resolve even more firm that I do not EVER want to be like some of these people I am coming across…not that I ever did since I am a huge people pleaser and would rather make other people happy than myself happy–which is probably why I don’t stick up for myself very often and end up waiting until it is too late to bring up issues, but this just makes me examine my actions even more closely to make sure no one will be hurt (except for that if I am grading I cannot give someone a better grade than the points they earned on their paper even if it isn’t such a good grade, because that would be dishonest, and also because some people occasionally need a wake-up call to let them know that what they are doing is not working…and if they get 100% without studying then what incentive is there to study the next time (assuming like I am that they don’t understand that the reason they are being taught this material is that it is exceedingly important to know it in order to be the best pharmacist they can be…)
Also, as I have felt injustices and felt somewhat powerless to change it, I have played with the idea of going back to school at some point after I graduate. When I was asked to come up with something I could do if I didn’t pass the interview into third year I was completely at a loss, but over the course of winter break I came up with an idea: I wanted to be a social worker if I couldn’t be a pharmacist…looking back now, I don’t think I necessarily have to do one or the other. There is no doubt that I am going to become a pharmacist, but it could be really fulfilling to be a social worker on the side…I don’t want to wait too long if I decide to do that though, because I am not interested in getting another degree and being too old to start out a new career…Being a social worker might not let me change all the bad people in the world, but it would at least let me give the option of light to a few people, and even if I only helped one person, that is one person that wouldn’t have been helped without me.