I’m Not Living For Applause

(He Knows My Name–Francesca Battistelli)

I am a people pleaser. I want to make people happy, but living for applause…that’s just not my story. I am perfectly happy playing the background. You take the leading role and I’ll play the background…I’m sticking to your script and I’m reading all your signs (Lecrae). I do my best to make people happy despite how it might affect me, and I’ll play their stupid games if it keeps everyone happy, but I refuse to beg for followers. Please please like me? I don’t think so! (Go Fish)……….and no matter how hard I try I’ll never be able to make everyone happy.

Sometimes I lose sight of the fact that if I don’t stop to fill my own bucket I can’t keep filling everyone else’s bucket, but more often other people seem to think that my bucket will continue overflowing even if they keep taking from it…I try not to grow weary of doing good (Steve Green), but when it seems like all I do is cater to other people’s whims and all I get in return is people who see a compliant girl they can place more demands on without any pushback it gets frustrating…There is a limit to how many buckets I can fill and I just want everyone to leave me alone and let me have something left to put in the buckets of my choosing…

Sorry for writing such a negative post…I am human and just like anyone else sometimes I can have a rough day and I am feeling frustrated with basically the things noted above and feeling a sense of loss and powerlessness about some things…I’ll be fine…time heals some wounds…and sometimes life isn’t rainbows and daisies…life can knock you down it can break your heart (Gary Allen), but I’m better off when I begin to remember how [God] met me in my deepest pain (Ellie Holcomb)…I know there are many people in the world who would gladly switch places with me, and I know that I should be thankful for the roof over my head and the running water in my sink, but sometimes I desire for more than just appeasing my physical needs…and that’s called jealousy and I’m working on being happy with what I have, but I am not perfect…


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