Last Christmas I gave you my heart…this Year to Save me Some tears…

(orig published 10/14/14 somewhere around mid morning ish…taken down b/c of worries about how the “bad people” would react…but I think they prob won’t find this now since it has been so long and I am my own person and I can post whatever I want whenever I want however I want…there are a lot of typos though now that I’ve re-read it, but the basic idea comes across, so whatevs…)

(Last Christmas)

So yeah, this isn’t about Christmas, but it about last fall break…I will admit that I definitely did not focus very well and get a huge amount of things done this break, but you know what, that is okay. Compared to last fall break I have gotten an enormous amount of stuff done, and even if I hadn’t, I at least will go back to school tomorrow operating at a normal level unlike last fall break where I went back fighting…The first half of fall break last year was fine, not excessively productive but reasonably productive and feeling good about getting things done…then Monday hit…and someone was story-telling about getting vomited on. I had to literally run away, but I calmed down enough to function reasonably after about 30min to an hour…I was still anxious but I could handle it…then Tuesday came and truth came out about two more people who were sick and how everyone was going to get sick and it was all anyone talked about, and I couldn’t handle it. My memories from that day include a textbook open to the same page all day that I just couldn’t take in, and planning that if everyone was going to get sick anyway perhaps I could get it two days after finals because that was the only time I had available. I was supposed to tutor that day and luckily no one showed up, because I spent most of the session sanitizing the classroom, and might have had a problem if anyone touched any of my clean spaces and messed it up…I was supposed to go out to eat with my friend, but obviously was in no position by this point to eat anything that I had not carefully controlled…and I had to hold my breath and run to get through the success center hallway so finding my friend was also challenging…luckily she was fine with not going out to eat and I stayed in her room…she had some things to do, but I just stayed there except for when I finally got up enough courage to go ask for the sound machine from the 1st floor hallway. Thankfully I was given permission to take it, and afterwards got an email that I could feel free to borrow it whenever I needed it…so I put it back the next day, and although I forced myself into the fear Wednesday, as soon as I retreated I went to the study room, and curled up on the floor…and the next morning when I got up I borrowed the machine again, turned it as loud as it would go, similarly turned on music and tried to figure out how I was going to eat because it was raining outside and outside was the only place I had decided I was going to eat…all that to say, fall break last year made me end up further behind than I started rather than allowing me to stay where I was or get ahead…I actually don’t remember what else I planned on writing today, but basically even though I spent around 6 hours yesterday playing watch the colors flash on ems, I am totally okay with that since I have the vital things completed and will be perfectly functional tomorrow…

Also, I was listening to the blood pressure practice video for IPPE today and even the very few times this summer I came up with a realistic blood pressure guess, I definitely never heard anything that sounded like that…and I got 11 of 21 answers correct…and the sounds it said to be sure we could differentiate…well they all sounded exactly the same to me…so this could be interesting…but eventually I will get this…even if it means I need to give up and borrow the special needs stethoscope…someday I will get it! My physio lab instructor might have had to let me leave without getting it because at half an hour after lab end I still wasn’t much further than I’d started at, but I will figure this out…although I really don’t see any reason why I would ever want to be able to do it…I’ve never seen a pharmacist in real life with a stethoscope…

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