If your Sky is Dark and Pours with Rain

(Come to Jesus–Chris Rice)

This is going to need to be short because it is late and because I need to pee and I don’t want to go all the way to my apartment and then come back to finish typing this (I no longer have internet in my apartment).

So I feel like my posts lately have been kind of Debbie Downer, and the one really positive post I had ended up being taken down when it didn’t come across right…and I don’t want to be a Negative Nancy, so I just want to rest today in how blessed I am. This song reminds me of how blessed I am. I remember vividly singing this song in the new church at home. They had everyone sitting down and we were supposed to stand for whichever verse we liked best. My brother stood up with me for Fly to Jesus. It is possible that he just happened to look at me and I invented the interaction, but the way I like to think of it is that he knew I was scared to stand alone and waited for a verse we’d both like and gave me the nod that we were doing it. I feel very blessed to have brothers (and parents) with whom I have connected and who care about me. I am very blessed to have been taught values and life lessons.

Also, we were talking today at Community Group about feeling undeniably that God has his hand in your life, and I can honestly say that I have seen God at work over and over in my life…and even in some of the awful things that I have experiences, I can still say that I can see good things that have come out of them that may not have happened had the struggle never occurred. One example is coming to the new church. That was (and sometimes still is) a huge issue for me. It took me away from everything that I knew and all the plans that I had for my life, and the identity I had for myself and it was an extremely painful transition. If that had not happened though, I doubt that I would ever had connected with my now best friend at home. Sure, it is possible that I could have deeply connected with someone else, but considering that I was a somewhat non-communicative loner type of girl (not necessarily always by choice), chances are that my life was going to continue to be defined by relationships that essentially ended outside of facebook when the circumstantial collisions ended if God did not step in and rock my world…and you can say that I could have connected with her without the deep pain I experienced in going to the new church, but again, as a focused student and again, not overly communicative girl, what reason would I have had to open up to her? I cannot imagine my life without her, and consequently, I feel blessed even to have walked through that pain in order to have such a rich friendship.

There is one other thing that I want to talk about, and it is the sanctity of human life. I have a poster in my apartment that had been in my room at home for years, and actually used to be an advertisement in a church bulletin that I cropped and laminated. It says “Life is Beautiful,” and was intended to support amnion which is an organization that supports the sanctity of life. One of my favorite shirts in my Wiconi Walk shirt. Wiconi means life in Lakota. Actually, my favorite shirt is one that I don’t own from he year before I participated. It says: Wiconi Walk, a sacred journey in support of life. Wiconi Walk was a suicide awareness walk.

You probably have heard on the news about the girl who planned her own suicide a month in advance and did it this weekend. I know I should not judge other people’s decisions, but that disgusts me. There are so many people fighting to be able to live and she threw her life away. She had a family who cared about her and wanted her to live, and she took things into her own hands, decided she was in control, and took her own life. God gave her a life to live as a gift and she threw it away. I know that pain cuts deep and hurts sometimes, but the choices we make impact PEOPLE. I am not saying that I am a better person than her for choosing life, but I am saying that it hurts me and makes me sick inside that someone would commit murder against herself. We have laws in this country about murder, yet it apparently is totally okay to murder yourself as long as your doctor helps you. “My heart, my soul aches, I don’t know what to do” (Crawl–Superchick). I feel so powerless against the horrible things that this world makes people think are okay to do. “Please tell me you’ll fight this fight, I won’t breathe it’s not yet time so keep breathing go on breathe in…Just breathe.” (Breathe–Superchick).

What happened to First Do No Harm? What happened to the beauty in each breath?

My time is way up, so I leave you with this that says it way better than I can anyway (I think it is from Ann Voskamp)

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2014/10/dear-brittany-why-we-dont-have-to-be-so-afraid-of-dying-suffering-that-we-choose-suicide/

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