If love is who I am then this is where I stand…MY FIRST GIVEAWAY

(Live Like That–Sidewalk Prophets)

Well I had a post half written that was partly about learning…which made this a good time to write about how I learned to be careful today because I almost killed myself…(and if you haven’t figured it out by now, when I talk about getting myself killed I am being melodramatic 99.99% of the time…)…so yeah, this post was not really ready to be posted yet, but this seemed like perfect timing so just kind of pardon the multi-direction-ness and just incoherency and possibly non-PC content of this hastily fleshed out post…

So yeah, I knew I had a yellow laffy taffy saved in my backpack and I wanted it on the way home, but I couldn’t get my fingers on it as I was digging through my backpack, so I filled one hand with some of the junk in my backpack (headphones, green plastic frog…) and found the laffy taffy and stuck it wrapper and all in my mouth…see I didn’t think it would be a big deal, because I would shove the junk back in my backpack then take the wrapper off…except the lights kept being green and my lap had books in it and I needed my free appendage to drive…and the laffy taffy wrapper was kind of choking me…and that was how I learned that I really really can’t use my mouth as a third hand, because there are more important things that need to go in there…like air…oh, and in case you were wondering, I didn’t die…I am still alive…

I see life and mistakes and hard things as learning experiences…so…Guess what I learned this semester!! Apparently if I like semi-anonymity online (if you really want to, it isn’t too difficult to find my real name…which is not Wiggle Worm…but I am careful about not using my real name willy-nilly all over my blog) then other people might want that too even though I do not give my location, nor do I think I have ever used last names except as part of nicknames, and I see myself mostly as an experience blogger writing mostly about myself most of the time, so other people are really more of fringe characters in the story of my life…so yeah, using names wasn’t my smartest move…oopsy-daisies (why daisies…why can’t I have oopsy-dandelions or oopsy-chrysanthemums or oopsy-clovers…I think I am switching to oopsy-clovers from now on)…Also, I am not stupid, I try to take out identifying details, but I am aware that because I cannot take absolutely everything out and still stay true to my own experience that people may occasionally see themselves in my posts even if I have not directly named them…and I am learning to look through other people’s eyes better and realize that they also may not like to read about themselves with my nicknames attached instead. And it was also not so smart to pick a nickname I’d been using for a year and a half or so for someone who had seen a lot of my notes to self that could very easily have contained said nicknames…I internally nickname a lot of people with seemingly random letters/numbers–usually I come up with it one day as I am messing around inside my head, and it just sticks (umm, I wasn’t going to give an example, but let’s just say that as I wrote this someone just got nicknamed bey…FREE plastic frog if anyone who knows me in real life can figure out who bey is…haha, and now I have my first blog giveaway…I am awesome…)…and I can’t very easily control who reads and who doesn’t, so I have been learning that once it is written where it goes is out of my control to some extent, so just like I (internally) laugh at people who 100% believe in measure, nah, cut as many times as it takes (as opposed to measure twice cut once), the same could probably be said about my write once, hit publish, then go back and skim for issues…if even one person has seen it, I am very much aware that it could easily become viral…I wish that weren’t true and I could pick certain people who would be blind to my words, but that is not how the world works…

Okay, so not wanting to see yourself online kind of makes sense seeing as how a lot of people end up on my blog because they make me mad or afraid or just really uncomfortable, and I am not so good all the time at (1) removing enough details that it isn’t immediately obvious about whom I am talking and (2) making people interpret it in the same light that I am which is NEVER intended to hurt anyone. People also appear on my blog if they make me really happy, but excitement usually requires less processing…I use writing as a form of external processing, so things don’t always come out beautifully…I don’t try to hurt anyone…if I had a magic wand that would ensure no one was offended by my words I would wave that thing all over the place, but I don’t have a magic wand…so you’re stuck with imperfect me. I try my hardest not to step on anyone’s toes, but I can’t guarantee that I will be able to successfully navigate around the toes that have snuck in front of me underneath a cloak of invisibility…and accidents happen…especially since I am clumsy…my car door tried to kill me this morning (and no, it was not successful…better luck next time…but I am durable so you’ll have to try a little harder next time)…I pouted for a couple minutes, then my breakfast was calling my name so I went to the res hall…

But you guys, I know I have said this before, but I am really serious about this…it is in no way humor or sarcasm when I say that if you have a problem with something I wrote then please let me know and we can work it out. I am very willing to either edit the post or make it private…but I can’t meet your needs if you don’t tell me what needs you have, because I am not a mind-reader…I struggle just to learn people’s names, so learning what is going to offend them is not something at which I excel. I really and truly do appreciate when people let me know when I have inadvertently hurt them or said something stupid…well that is I appreciate when they let me know respectfully…I do not think I would like it so much if most people talked to me the way I talk to myself when I am alone, because you have to earn the right to tell me I am the laziest person on Earth or to call me a dumb dumb, and very few people have earned that right. I have lived with myself long enough to earn the right to be brutally harsh (and I know when sarcasm and/or true harshness is not what I need), but that doesn’t mean I am cool with hearing it from you…


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