This is Love This is Life This is All I’m Waiting For

(Two Broken People–Stephanie Pauline)

I just wanted to take a moment today to express my thankfulness today. I have gotten a lot less done today than I planned, but I don’t feel helplessly lost. I will be fine…that is so different from the way I would have felt about it a year ago simply getting more and more frustrated about how slow I was at reading and doing homework and all those other tasks that go along with school…

I am so thankful for what I have gotten done–I’ve gotten a lot more done than I had done by this time last semester…last semester I started really falling behind quickly the first week of school. I am certainly not ahead, but I am not drowning.

I am thankful for the distraction from studying that I’ve had. Whereas I started last semester barely holding in tears during class and really losing it once I was alone and had a billion things on my plate completely non-academic-related eating my time, this semester my distraction from studying has been positive occurrences that given the choice I would not trade in for more study time…not coming into this semester in crisis-mode just makes it seem so much more manageable. (Life has evened out significantly and I have come to terms with and learned to navigate the situations that were trying to throw me overboard last semester…)

I am thankful for the people I have encountered. I can’t even express how good it feels to have long conversations with people I haven’t seen in a while…although I certainly can’t keep up the amount of friend-time I am spending long-term, it feels SO good for a quick hello to turn into an hour long conversation…some of my strongest connections might not be people my own age, but I refuse to let the little voice in my head of BJ2AU telling me first year that I needed to try harder to make friends my own age define my existence or make me feel like a failure. She is not the boss of me, and if people my own age isn’t who I feel connected to or safe with then I can choose which friendships to cultivate accordingly…in the end I don’t think fertilizing a field of stones is a productive use of my efforts…

I am thankful for the meetings I’ve already attended and the emails I have written…they have made me feel accomplished and self-sufficient and stuff to have gotten so many things worked out…things haven’t exactly gone according to plan, but in spite of that I feel like I am thriving…I am taking things a day at a time and learning to work through things and problem solve, and while what I am doing doesn’t line up with my visions of what life was going to be like, I am learning to accept what is rather than pining for the way I planned for things to be.

And of course since the way into my heart is through my stomach, a thankfulness list would be incomplete without listing thankfulness for the food I’ve eaten…just sayin’ the brownies I had today were pretty good, and one of my friends gave me some clementines which I LOVE!!

I hope and pray that this semester goes well academically, but I feel confident that the non-academic side of the semester will be awesomesauce…


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