I don’t wanna say a word unless it points the world back to you

(words–Hawk Nelson)

So you’ll kinda find out in the last conversation why I needed to take a writing break…so here you have totally real (to the best of my knowledge though some of them were written many hours after the fact) conversations with myself at random points this weekend…including a fight…but one of my friends and I came to the consensus that as long as you don’t lose the fights with yourself you are totally fine, and how could I possibly lose when the fight ended in a bag of skittles being eaten? 🙂 …yeah, I fight with myself, but most of the fights are trying to talk sense into myself, because my limbic system doesn’t always understand that an email is not a direct threat that requires adrenaline…although on the positive side, my limbic system is rather amenable to reason (although I am aware that it probs isn’t actually the limbic system that is responsible for the “all clear” in response to reason…but whatever works…)…I probably need to put my conversations with myself into my head instead of actually saying them out loud…’cause sometimes I am not as alone as I think I am…like that one time someone was behind me when I was walking down the hallway talking about killing Barney the dinosaur…

So now I present moments of Wiggle Worm 🙂

(While watching cars zoom past me at an intersection on Friday evening instead of paying attention to the light)

ME: wheels are spinny

ME: Umm, duh, that is how they make things go…

ME: Oh yeah, the wheels on the bus go round and round

ME: umm pretty sure they stopped which means you need to stop playing games with the cars you see and actually GO now…

(talking to myself before falling asleep)

ME: and I like ponies and skittles and eating and goldfish and pizza and sourpatch kids and koolaid and cupcakes and cookies and brownies and ice cream and blueberries but not frozen blueberries those are gross and ketchup is gross and mustard is gross and mayo is gross and sour cream is gross and bird poop is gross and dog poop is gross and I like playing with puppies but babies are better but it would be hard to play with babies if I was on crutches. Maybe I should write an email to {name} in case I am on crutches when I go home but want to play with babies.

ME: or maybe you should wait to write the email until you actually have a reason to be on crutches…

ME: okay hey God I want babies and not broken legs and I want my friends and I want hugs

(after opening up a bag of popcorn and having an awful smell come out and it won’t stop smoking)

ME: (screaming) ick!!

ME: well standing here holding it isn’t fixing anything

ME: what if it is toxic

ME: and what if it isn’t

ME: but it might taste bad

ME: and even bad tasting food fills your stomach so pour it in the bowl

(two hours later)

ME: umm, perhaps if your eyes still hurt from the smoke from the bag you maybe shouldn’t try to eat it…

ME: (whining) but I WANT it…

ME: well…umm…fine…but it is your loss tomorrow and I do not want to hear complaints about how your lunch is icky…

(After reading an email that I found while looking for my spring 2013 schedule)

ME: (crying) She called me rude and condescending and and and

ME: (interrupting) Yes, she did, she said a lot of mean things to you, but there is nothing you can do about it. Remember what someone told you in 9th grade when you were crying…yeah that…the really inappropriate one…that…

ME: I hate her I hate her I hate her so much why can’t she even just leave me alone when I am at my apartment

ME: Umm…oh my girlyQ…First, you don’t hate her. You hate her actions but you don’t hate her. You love her unconditionally the way God loves her because that is the right things to do…If you really hated her you wouldn’t advocate for her and would openly advocate against her and not bother being polite about it…Second, I am pretty sure you are the one who actually read the email just now instead of just moving on when you saw her name so shut your stupid mouth, because you did this to yourself

ME: but but she hurt me and she doesn’t care and

ME: (interrupting again and really mad) and SHUT UP what part of shut up are you having trouble understanding? No one cares if you got hurt so shut up and move on at least you don’t have to deal with her anymore

ME: I want skittles

(thinking out loud (not about myself))

ME: Well, I think you’re a failure

ME: [first middle last name]!! We do not say that about anyone no matter how true it might be. That hurts people on their weak points and that is not okay.

ME: but I didn’t say it to her and I would never say that to anyone ever

ME: true but that doesn’t make it a nice thing to say when you’re alone either…grow up or shut up, your choice

(struggling to calm down after reading a new email that I probably should have set up to autodelete)

ME: I hate my limbic system #nerd

ME: verbal hashtags are #stupid

ME: you are #stupid

ME: can we please stop with the #hashtags #now #letsnotdothisagain

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