Put her back together again

(Broken Girl–Matthew West)

I read this blog post this morning about scariest statements…

…and I have one to add…

I don’t need my phone today. I’m going to have starburst and m&m’s all day. This statement is scary because while I may have access to a sufficient amount of candy to get through even a rough day, candy cannot totally fix all of life’s problems…sometimes distraction and fun are kind of helpful…and after remembering very quickly not to touch the number 8 on the phone due to what I had preset it for, my phone provides that needed distraction and fun and since I only let myself have it on occasion it works pretty well (we’re talking my old phone that has my dad’s old sim card in it and therefore doesn’t make calls or have internet access anymore, not my new phone that does have service but just isn’t very fun)…

Sometimes even emotionally there is breakthrough pain…physically there is oxycodone 4/PO/Q4H/PRNS/or breakthrough/P (that’s take 20mL by mouth every four hours as needed for severe pain or breakthrough pain…I didn’t actually calculate my own dose, but I’m probably not too far off what my dose would be…) and emotionally there is things like my phone…Yeah, it would have been better if I’d had the phone on me to provide some distraction while I came back to Earth enough to teach myself (again) that I cannot control what people write in emails and it is not my job to protect the world from the bad people and an email needs to not have the power to take away my joy even momentarily…I feel like autodelete settings are rude, but if this keeps happening then that’s the way things are going to need to be…and in reality it is not like anyone will know that I have their emails on autodelete…unless they sent me something really important that I didn’t know about…

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