Not about miniskirts and silly reasons just to flirt

(Good Girl–ZoeGirl)

Yep, this post is not about miniskirts and silly reasons just to flirt…it is mostly a list of all the things I told myself that I could NOT stop to actually write about while trying to study for therapeutics…

I love the song Good Girl though…it is SO good…I’m not going to type the lyrics here…but you should totally listen to it, because it is so good…and it is on spotify…

Yesterday someone downloaded the book 50 Shades of Grey onto my computer. I have heard all over the internet about how awful it is and how it teaches girls that to be loved they will be hurt, and how it is really just pornography in word form…so I wasn’t going to open the document…but I needed to at least know what it was about…I cannot say that I have read the whole thing (and apparently what I have is only part 1…) but I read the first chapter or two, and I read pages 354-356, and I have to say that I wholeheartedly disagree so far. Perhaps it changes in the section I have not read, or in parts 2 and 3.

Here is my opinion on 50 shades…besides the fact that so far it is kind of like how to kill a mockingbird which never actually has anything to do with its title whatsoever…I think so far that this is a book that makes me hurt on the inside because of the pain in the world. I don’t think that means it is not a message that needs to be shared though. It also makes me hurt on the inside to read about Lily Groesbeck, the 18 month old who was suspended upside-down in her carseat 14 hours after the accident that killed her mother. In fact, 50 shades is sharing a message that should not be suppressed. I don’t think it is appropriate to hide the fact that abuse happens in the real world…It may not make us feel good to acknowledge and talk about it, but abuse really does happen. It is not something we should be keeping behind closed doors, not something we should assume just happens to “those” people…Maybe more people would realize before it was too late that they were in an abusive situation if we were not afraid to share the message. Maybe more people would feel empowered to put an end to the abuse if we let them know it wasn’t their fault. Ana had never had a boyfriend. She was not actively searching out a boyfriend. She even acknowledges that her roommate Kate is the promiscuous one, and that she is not overly attractive–she was not inviting trouble. She was just trying to help out a friend when she acquired a stalker who became abusive…she got drunk, but that wasn’t when she was assaulted…he was manipulative and she was trapped….She didn’t know what she was getting into, but she certainly did not give consent, nor did he attempt to gain her consent. He intentionally forced himself on her both physically and emotionally and that is very wrong. I do not plan on complete this book just because right now it was making me feel scared of how easy it is to be taken advantage of, and I think I got the basic take-home point, but I don’t feel that it is wrong to read this book.

Every good thing has drawbacks…I’ve been studying some without my glasses, and it takes away some visual distraction and makes it enough harder to read the internet that I will think twice before getting online…however, it also means if someone waves to me when I am looking up and it appears that I should have noticed I won’t notice so it might seem like I am ignoring people…and Saturday I got up like twice to check that the TV in the res hall was really off because I kept hearing voices…then I put on my glasses like an hour later and realized there was someone talking on the phone a few tables away from me…yeah…if you don’t contrast enough I can’t see that you exist…I can even walk around sometimes because I can usually see contrast before I run into something and I keep my arms out for things that I can’t see (like anything as far away as the floor), but I can be completely oblivious to much of the world around me…and so then I did a quick inventory of what I might have been talking to myself about not knowing that someone else was around…

Also, oh the things you never even think to wonder about…like is dumbbutt spelled like that or does it only have one ‘b?’…never thought to wonder about that until I tried to write it and neither way looked correct…yeah, I don’t always use the most endearing terms when talking to myself, but sometimes I deserve it because I am being stupid…like duh I should obviously put my glasses on before attempting to pour milk…

People have told me that I shouldn’t say things if I don’t know what they mean…which is probably good advice considering my history and my knowledge base (or lack thereof)…but yesterday I was distracted on my computer while I should have been studying, and the position I was in was making my hips sore, so I said hips don’t lie, it’s time to get back to work…and then I realized that “hips don’t lie” was something I picked up on the radio in morning swimming carpools in middle school, and that doesn’t necessarily make it something that should come out of my mouth…so if someone would like to enlighten me on whether or not that means something I would probably prefer not to find out about that would probs be a good thing, because I think to be on the safe side I probs shouldn’t google it…

Thinking about therapeutics, I hate therapeutics. T2 feels like a bunch of rules I am expected to just understand that no one bothered to tell me, kind of like how the social arena felt for a really long time…I hate it. I love pharmacology because we actually learn why and how to use the medication, so it feels a lot more practical. I would be SOO happy to take pharmacology for 4-5 semesters and shorten the patho/therapeutics sequence…and like dosing—that is something that is very easy to look up, so it is a waste of my time to memorize that, especially when I will likely very quickly become familiar with the drugs that I actually see in my patient population whereas our “class formulary” just isn’t that useful especially for peds…I’m sorry if this offends anyone…It feels like French class versus English class…I think I’ve written about that before…basically that means it is the difference between learning practical useful information and learning linguistics and obscure grammar that most people will not care about outside of this particular class….

I also probably shouldn’t express this opinion seeing as how I am a patho tutor, but I don’t mind being controversial…One area that pharmacists are or should be passionate about is being seen and respected by MDs as medication experts. I believe if we would like this recognition then we need to respect them as the diagnostic experts. It is not my place in the healthcare team to diagnose patients…yet that is completely what patho is about and is a reasonably significant portion of therapeutics…Yes, we should probably know things like what in the world is a heart attack or a stroke (yeah, I got to pharmacy school not knowing that), but I don’t believe that as a pharmacist it is my place to know the ins and outs of every single rule about how to diagnose a patient…I’ve tried to keep my opinion to myself, because this school ahs been teaching it this way forever and ever, but it has bothered me since patho, so I can’t just hold it in…obviously my opinion doesn’t really matter, but I just wanted to express it anyway…

The farther I get through life, the more times I have started to see my life in chapters: there is before the new church and after the new church…there is before college and in college…there is before CH, during CH, and after CH…there is pre 0710 and post 0710….Life is unpredictable…I was looking through some old texts that crossed from one chapter to another…initially I thought life was calming down, I thought it was going to be a beautiful day…little did I know that by the time she responded my life would be in crisis and the hangout would end in tears…15 days post chapter heading I met up with her and everything was beautiful until I started crying because I didn’t know if I’d ever even see my friends again much less was I able to answer how they were doing…JI with his curious hands in my arms on the swing my glasses hanging above me, I cried. I wasn’t strong in that moment but I had a beautiful friend to let me cry it out. I am so thankful for the friends who have been with me regardless of what chapter I am in…

The end…have a safe and beautiful day…

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