If you were a boat…my darling I’d be the wind at your back

(Boat Song–JJ Heller)

Alternatively titled: in which I write about everything except what I really want to talk about…

Sunday became the best day of my entire life in the history of ever (slight exaggeration) because I wasn’t even looking for it, but I found out that someone unblocked me on facebook—which of course meant that I checked if anyone else had that I knew of, and they hadn’t…but that didn’t steal my joy!…I am thrilled…I never had any desire to be facebook friends with this particular person ever, but for me it feels very hurtful to block me regardless of who is doing it or why it is being done. It makes me feel excluded and unwanted…and it is not like blocking me will do anything different than not being friends with me unless you like to share things with friends of friends and have some friends in common with me…

Just to be clear in case anyone reading my blog sees this and wants to be mad because someone is being even marginally nice to me, I just want to make it clear that I am 99% sure this person currently resides in Hawaii or Florida or one of those other states that has oceans…just want to make that clear so I don’t get anyone in trouble in the midst of announcing my excitement…

Haha…oh…and if you were wondering where the title came from…I happened across another facebook page that I thought was someone I knew—the puppy looked really familiar and the first and middle name was a match so the only problem was the girl’s hair, being too curly and the husband’s hair being too spiky but hair can change drastically especially on girls…(and considering my very low ability to tell people apart, for a dog the color and approximate size are the only things I have at my disposal to distinguish them, ’cause I can’t analyze stance, clothing, personality, or voice—especially via pictures…so really the dog being a match probably doesn’t mean anything anyway…) and I was trying to decide if I was brave enough to rock the boat and try friending her…but I was afraid that while I was thrilled to see her page that if I even so much as reached my arm out enough to touch the surface of the water that the entire boat would flip over and I’d lose what little progress I’d made…I have made a few new facebook friends recently, but for the most part I have asked first if they wanted to be friends before actually friend-requesting them…but anyway, upon looking at the actual profile, the only public information was a wedding date that was completely wrong…and I feel like most people if they are going to put their wedding date on facebook would at LEAST get the month and/or the year right…or hopefully both…and before I saw that, not knowing how long this had been around before I had noticed it, I didn’t want to be that person who friend requests the minute the link goes active…’cause that could very easily feel stalkerish…

I mean, I definitely felt intruded upon over winter break with a social media situation. I hadn’t wanted a LinkedIn and had been resisting for a long time, but you can’t really long-term keep refusing to create a LinkedIn. So anyway, I had had a LinkedIn for about 3 days, didn’t even have any connections yet, and had entered minimal information (as in like my name, school, and MAYBE current workplace) when I got my first connection request…It was from a counselor I had never met with. It felt intrusive, creepy, and unwanted. This particular counselor was the one I had set up a first session with in November but cancelled in about three more days when I found someone else with an opening, because in the course of a very short phone call to set up the session she had already conveyed a distinct lack of trust and told me straight up she doubted I would even bother to show up to the first session anyway…all that to say this is not someone with whom I had anything close to a positive relationship…and it felt creepy and intrusive to have a connection request from her within so few days of even creating an account…I don’t know you. I don’t want to know you. We have no mutual reason to be connected—no shared career path, not classmates, not coworkers, hardly even acquainted…so I am not sure I even want to know why she decided to look me up and why once she found me she thought it would be okay to request me…

On the positive side, within the span of about 10 minutes on Monday I saw three people that I do not like and seeing them usually makes me really mad on the inside (I promise there aren’t a lot of people like that—which makes it that much less likely I would ever see three even within the same 10 days much less the same 10 minutes)…but I was just fine…although considering how upset I got about something pretty unrelated to that Monday evening, either I kind of suppressed the anger for a while, or else my response in the evening was just magnified because of the quiz in Therapeutics in the morning that I was stressed out (more likely causative agent) about because my grade in T2 is already not that great, and it seems like the harder I try to study the less information I manage to learn and it is getting to the point where I have started considering whether I should try to become one of those people who doesn’t really go to class or study or do homework that much and therefore doesn’t really care a whole lot about the grades because a good grade is going to be a gift…(but I’m not a quitter so I’m not gonna do that…you can just call me Miss Bull-headed over here, because I refuse to give up even once I have passed the point of the seeming futility of my efforts…but that isn’t always a bad thing…my persistence and determination is how I finally got to where I am today living anxiety-free, and most days I wouldn’t trade that for the world…(though there are occasional days I would take it back in exchange for a few of my friends back, but I kind of know that if it were even possible to make that exchange that I may eventually regret it…)

Also, banana flavored tootsie pops do not taste like bananas, and while they are good, they are not as amazing as they look…but they still adequately deliver sugar for a reasonable period of time…and still way better than the chocolate flavored ones…

Also I kind of wish stupid IT hadn’t taken DDR off my computer after the company I bought my software from went out of business, because now I can never get back the songs I had a download of online…also I wish I had bought the GodRocks expansion pack disk before they went out of business, because I am craving that music, and it would be awesome to be able to listen to it in the background…even if that does mean hearing it tell me how I failed the song (because I wasn’t actually playing, just listening…)

If try really hard counted for anything I would be an amazing person…unfortunately, most people are more interested in results…and not necessarily the same results that are important to me…

And it is now time to stop writing before I start getting to close to what I really want to talk about which will probably not be something that is appropriate to share…see, I didn’t learn NOTHING in high school…it has just taken a long time as is still a work in progress to create a filter that usually expresses myself without over-sharing…yeah…I would be the one who announced that she didn’t always wear pants when she cooked or washed dishes because it is one less thing to throw in the laundry basket when I am done…

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