‘Cause I am For You. I’m Not Against You.

(Drops in the Ocean–Hawk Nelson)

…I had one of those moments last night where I realize that even though I am perfectly happy to attempt to communicate that the years of practice I lost to social anxiety mean that I do not have the experience to know how to respond in some situations…Inside my heart I know what I want to convey, but inside my head although a few words and communicative gestures are coming out of my mouth, they aren’t really communicating the sentiment that I want them to…What I am trying to use to say I love you, I care about you, I understand how you feel and want to give you hope feels like it is coming across more as get over yourself…which is then making me even less able to listen as I am trying to figure out how to fix what just came out of my mouth…practice makes perfect?…How do you explain that you really have lived in the self-made prison that person is describing in a way that is real, non-minimizing, validating, loving, hopeful?…I’m sure I’ll figure it out…It took a while of being comfortable on the phone before I figured out to consistently say hello and identify myself first even without a script to tell me to do that…so I have no doubt that as I have more experience that I will figure out some of these things…

So…umm…if you wouldn’t mind, I’d still really appreciate getting the word out about my previous post abt allergies…my original goal was 100 views…(considering I normally get around 3-5 views per day unless I accidentally go viral in which case I get 15-25 views…but I didn’t even reach the level of going viral…not going to get me down though…I trust my God to get my words to the people who need them, and I did my part sharing on my home and school facebook pages, on twitter, on pinterest, and on a social media community site that I used to spend way too much time on until it changed to a point where it wasn’t holding my interest anymore…

I am NOT a fan of the snow today…finally got out the door with what I thought was everything I needed, down the stairs, open the door…and is that rain really hard? Should I go all the way back upstairs for my umbrella?…wait a minute, that is snow…can I just keep going? No stupid, go back upstairs and put on long pants and closed toe shoes…pouty face…

So new on the blog: categories…So you might (or might not) have noticed that I am working on adding categories to my posts…I originally didn’t, because, this is going to sound a little crazy, but those extra few words were more than my social anxiety could handle…yeah…I could write a blog post, but I couldn’t categorize it…

It is going to take me a while–I have over 200 posts, and each has to be individually assigned, and I don’t plan on really comprehensive categories…with an endeavor like this, general is just the only realistic way to go, but hopefully soon the categories will be assigned far enough so as to be useful in finding what you are looking for…

In the process of putting in categories I do end up skimming my posts since I can’t exactly categorize what I do not know what is…and it is kind of cool to see how far God has taken me. I’m not who I was in so many ways, but at the same time my core identity and personality has remained unchanged…in some ways though without the anxiety it really allows who I am to shine through more, although in other ways the other circumstances in life have limited sharing…

I also tried a while back to get on bloglovin, and I’m not sure if I was actually successful, but if you would like to see me join that community or any other blog community (blogfrog? blogher?) I would be happy to look into seeing if I can figure those out…I don’t want to put in the effort though if no one is interested, because the writing I do is mostly for me, but those things are more work than I need to do for *just* me.

And on that note, if you have any other suggestions for me, let me know, and I will see what I can do…I’m not the most computer savvy person, so I might not be able to implement everything, because I have no intention of hiring anyone to help me with the blog, but I am very open to suggestions…

Have a beautiful day bloggy friends 🙂

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