It’s okay to not be okay. This is a safe place. This is a safe place…There’s still hope here.


Summer is incredible…yeah, life is never perfect, but there are so many things that are hard to put to words about how good summer feels…sure, I am frequently frustrated with myself for wasting time and not getting things done and for being excessively messy or whatever other infraction I feel like is keeping my from living up to my own high standards, and obviously bad things happen, people die…but a bad event doesn’t make a bad life.

They may seem like little things, but there are so many things in my life that I enjoy, and in the summer I have the time to truly enjoy them just a little bit more than during the school year when I just can’t always afford to take the extra time to revel in the awesome little things…

I love sucking on goldfish crackers and eating aminal crackers, especially from the 4lb 14oz container of them. I love the time and freedom to analyze exactly what flavor of juice and what fruit I want to eat instead of going into autopilot mode and picking up whatever is fastest to grab…

I love admiring the sky. I love that traffic is a nuisance without feeling like a threat to my existence…this picture was supposed to show off the beautiful sky…however I apparently overestimated my smartphone camera and it is mostly just a picture of rain and freeway traffic, but I still love it…(actually it looks like there isn’t much traffic…mostly because I stayed at like 2mph while everyone else sped up to 7mph b/c I was picture taking, and also because while it had been stop and go, the traffic cleared right after the picture was taken)…


I love that I could take the time to drive around the block a few times in order to take this picture…(street names mostly blurred to take away your easy access to my location, but I LOVED one of the street names every time I see it…)


I love that I can go wherever I want however I want whenever I want and do whatever I want…part of this is being home where the stupid school rules aren’t applicable. The other part of it is that although the OCD and social anxiety has been gone for a long time, old habits die hard…for example, I still instinctively take the stairs even if I have many flights to climb…but now I totally can go inside and sit on the bench or wander to the basement or sit in the break room or whatever else I want to do instead of my safe choices being only the backroom if no one else is around or my car when I am not on the job…I LOVE it! It is so incredible to be able to do whatever feels good for me to do. Freedom is amazing.

I love that less thinking is involved in deciding where I want to go…that sounds like the same as what I wrote in the previous paragraph, but it is actually very different…I guess another way to say it would be to say that I love that my choices are not based on as many what if’s…it was getting better by the end of the year, but even then, for example, if it was like 9:30am then unless I really really needed to go bathroom then I was probably going to wait an hour to when it would be less likely to see someone and any hurtful insinuations to be made…but now if I wanna go to the bathroom right now I don’t have a second thought about who I might see–I just get up…if I wanna get in my car and go somewhere (or just get in my car) I just do…not wondering if bad things will happen by just living life is so freeing…

…I am pretty sure there were a lot of other things I intended to write about…except a lot of things I stopped writing halfway through a sentence and couldn’t figure out when I came back to it what in the world I was trying to write about…


Care to share your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s