So Keep Breathing; Go on Breathing; Just Breathe…Stand through the pain you won’t drown

(Breathe–Superchic[k]…Stand in the Rain–Superchic[k])

There are a lot of directions I could go with this but I have like ten minutes before I need to start looking for my keys and throw food in my lunchbox on the way out the door and pray I am not running too late…’cause late and behind are the only kinds of running I do…even though I tend to be an excessively early person…who needs gas in their car anyway?

Like how sometimes I am in so much pain that I am pretty unresponsive to my environment and my coworkers thought yesterday I was having an absence seizure or a heart attack or something…embarrassing…I try my hardest to be functional, but sometimes all I can do is breathe…on a related note, someone needs to invent a pain med that turns your wrist like blue or something so that I can visually see it is working and not kill my stomach lining by taking 4 ibuprofen over the course of less than an hour to try to get it to work more…just a thought…it would be great from an abuse perspective too, ’cause you’d know if someone had taken someone else’s meds…now that I say that, it sounds like an even better idea than it sounded when I first thought of it although it probably isn’t possible…

…Today last year was a crying day (umm…one of many…)…I was finally back to the land of the people who do not stay awake all night and pretend to sleep during the day while getting up in the middle of the day for lunch (night shift is not my thing)…when someone was incredibly rude to me…and then acted extremely unethically and lost my benefit of the doubt that there was anything good about that person besides having kids…and then I don’t know if I was forgotten about or if I was lied to, but someone else was supposed to call me after lunch and around two I gave up on waiting ’cause I figured even people at school usually don’t take a 3 hour lunch break on a regular basis (no, their whole day is a break, oh wait, did I say that, oops) and started calling over…and over…and over…and the guy never answered the phone (yes, I recognize now that it wasn’t exactly appropriate on my part to call 25 times over the course of the day, but I was new to using the phone, and I hadn’t figured out that aspect of etiquette…I was only months past being really proud to have answered the phone for a potential telemarketer and then feeling crushed because I accidentally hung up on the telemarketer and that is rude)…that call was never actually returned ever…I am still waiting for an apology, but I am not that mad because I have plenty of other things that are more important to worry about than a non-returned phone call from a year ago…

…anniversaries of hard times are hard…if the thoughts seemed intrusive throughout the year, you better believe that they are intrusive without any triggers on/near anniversaries…last year today I went to Bible study and thankfully it was just me and the other two older girls because I was determined to act like I was okay and instead I got there and cried again…yesterday just talking about the prospect of going back to school had me almost in tears…but I am not giving up. I will not drown. I will keep breathing, keep enduring, and graduate…and then RUN RUN AS FAST AS I CAN YOU CAN’T CATCH ME I’M THE AWESOMESAUCE GIRL!!


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