Fighting to walk towards the light…one last candle to keep out the night

(Courage–Superchick…Beauty From Pain–Superchick)

(this post was written last night so today=yesterday, but I wanted to wait to post it until I could at least glance through for glaring typos before posting…)

Because I knew today would be hard (and it was) I tried to occupy my mind with the good things…like the analogy that wouldn’t leave my head…Rubber bands are like rules. If you do not stretch them they will serve no purpose, but if you try to stretch them too hard or long or if you intentionally break them they will hurt you and become useless…I don’t know why that came into my head, but when I think about it, that makes me smile…See, a rule that only people with blood may attend school is a useless rule, because no one will ever come close to touching it’s edges…all people have blood, so the idea of mandating blood is a moot point…similarly a rule not to jump off the top of the parking garage onto the sidewalk to attempt flying, while potentially a good rule, will hurt you by probably killing you if you stretch it by walking off instead of jumping off, and will not protect the people around you who will probably feel scared or sad because of what happened to you…haha yeah…it’s great being inside my head sometimes…oh the places you’ll go…

Also, I found out today that I am a semi-finallist again for the Tyllenol futture carre schollarship. (intentional misspelling added to decrease google hits from the scholarship) Since semi means half and two halves makes a whole, I would argue that being semi-finalist twice makes me now a finalist…that’s just basic math. Something tells me they do not think that way…but speaking of scholarships, a word of advice to anyone headed towards college: it would be a wise idea to find out how much your scholarship is and what the rules with it are before accepting it…I am not saying that I would have not picked the school I am at had I known the details and I am not saying that I am not thankful for what I have, but I don’t usually look at my school bills that closely—just find the number to be paid and pay it, but I actually read it today, and discovered that my scholarship didn’t cover nearly as much as I expected…kind of like second year when the amount dropped, I didn’t really pay that much attention to the details so it was pretty much just oh, okay, life goes on…and it still is significantly more than I was going to get at the school I wanted to go to…although either way, AS was probably right almost two years ago when she said I should find out how high my gpa has to stay to keep my scholarships…I never actually did get around to asking, partly because I just don’t want to think about that…but I probably also don’t want the nasty surprise one day of discovering that umm…oops…lost the scholarship so where is the rest of this semester’s tuition coming from…

In spite of looking for positives, today was rough. Being at work was really good for me to give me something to do to occupy at least a piece of my mind, but when I wasn’t at work it was really evident that things weren’t going so hot…I was getting excessively frustrated over things that in reality shouldn’t have been a big deal…like my clothes not all fitting in the drawer I wanted to put them in…not worth getting upset over…and while some things legitimately deserve to be frustrating, it is never legitimate to end the day with pretending I didn’t hear the question and not answering because I am mad (communication refusal…) followed by screaming…I am definitely old enough to express frustration maturely which should mean I have LONG outgrown both communication refusal AND screaming…growing up sure means a lot of things…like actually recognizing that food that tastes bad still fills my stomach…not that recognizing that stops me from complaining that I only like corn that comes in a bag and not corn that came from a cob…my mom says they are the same thing, but I think they taste completely different…I suppose complaining isn’t that appropriate either though so there are SOME things that shouldn’t be communicated when you grow up…There are some adults I know that could use some work on not using communication refusal to express themselves though…not sayin’ just sayin’…


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