The Days Are Getting Shorter

(walk through the fire–consumed by fire)

This post is completely unedited b/c I didn’t feel like re-reading it…please pardon any typows or stupid or accidentally offensive thoughts…  🙂

Quite literally…the summer is coming to a close and daylight is becoming shorter and shorter…but also figuratively…last week I was needing to leave my house before six in the morning and not getting home until around 9:30 in the evening…which meant that even if I slept the entire time I was home I would just barely get enough sleep, but seeing as how breakfast does not eat itself, lunch and dinner do not pack themselves, showers do not take themselves, email does not check itself, and other vital functions of living act similarly, I was running on a pretty decent sleep deficit by the end of the week…and it was definitely showing in how well I could take care of things that affected only myself—exhibit A: lunch on Friday which consisted of Asian rice, taco meat, and carrots slices all in the same bowl, and figuring I’d wait for dinner until I got home (luckily someone informed me of an alternative for dinner which I shoved into my mouth in about 5 minutes around 6pm…)…I was pretty close to falling asleep and falling over by the end of the week…but it reminded me kind of like that movie where they assure the person he has not died, he is only 99% dead and 99% dead means 1% alive…haha yeah…I was 99% asleep, but 99% asleep is still 1% awake, so I was still able to function for the most part…ability to care for small people (and/or big people) totally intact…ability to even recognize my friends somewhat slow and limited…I still love ’em to pieces, but my person recognition skills have always been an area in which I had to work extra hard, so if I am tired it gets even more difficult…hence, name tags are a wonderful thing…as are very short one step directions…I might not remember the beginning of the sentence by the time you get to the end if it is complicated, but I can remember a short command for a period of time long enough to follow through on said direction…so yeah…anyway, I was exhausted and just stayed in bed a LONG time over the weekend…and then crashed on top of my homework again on Sunday…luckily I still got the homework done I planned on…otherwise I would have been livid with myself for being so lazy since most of Saturday was spent wasting time on the computer…it was probs because I was exhausted, but I don’t really take excuses for poor behavior, so I’d have been angry at myself for wasting the time…as it stands there are lots of things I really ought to have been doing that I didn’t/haven’t, but the homework is the one tangible thing that absolutely positively could not get skipped any longer since I had done approximately 5 minutes of homework over the course of the entire week…’cause home work doesn’t do itself…

Also, it is really awesome looking at the clock and realizing you are in bed at the time you should be getting in the car…thankfully I am pretty low maintenance in the getting ready in the morning thing and managed to shower get dressed pack lunch find my computer eat breakfast in a short enough time that I still got to my rotation on time…made for a great Tuesday morning…and then I went to my rotation and discovered that although I really enjoyed ED nursing than med/surg nursing, at least for adults, is SO not my thing…

Completely unrelated intervening thought #1: My online friend Kati re-did one of her old videos…and she is so hilarious that the topic wasn’t at all triggering to my past experience…even though I was sleep deprived watching it… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FiVVAOXiEQ

Completely unrelated intervening thought #2: I LOVE applesauce in the squeezy pouches…I had that for the first time last night and oh my, it met all my expectations and more and I fell deeply in love with snacks in squeezy pouches and look forward to my next “fix.”

Completely unrelated intervening thought #3: In the name of not hiding, I had an OCD scare recently…actually, that’s not true…I was not at all scared…I know that when I am tired my brain doesn’t function very well, and all that happened was for a couple days my hair needed to be pulled as tightly to my head as possible in an attempt to keep out germs and I was spraying my hair once with febreeze and twice with glasses cleaner before bed. I know that isn’t a good thing per say, and I know that the OCD originally started with small things that came and went and led to bigger things, but I was completely unconcerned…why? Because I was fairly certain it was only sleep deprivation related. There was absolutely no hand-washing component, no avoidance outside of the hair being up, no compulsions outside of the febreeze and stuff but even that is something I occasionally do if my hair smells weird since I love the smell of most cleaners and I wasn’t soaking my hair in it…there was no screaming monologue of fear running through my mind creating a fog that blocked out all other aspects of life…in fact there were no whispers of fear aside from the hair issue. There was no functional impairment however slight, and there was really no distress…If it had gotten worse, then yes, definitely I would have considered help to get it back under control before it grew into an un-ignorable monster…and yes, definitely I would have considered help if it had extended beyond the sleep debt being close to repaid, but it lasted under 48 hours…

Completely unrelated intervening thought #4: Especially when I am tired, I have no filter…sometimes I wish I could just shut my mouth and take back what I said, because it doesn’t occur to me until too late that perhaps what I said was not overly appropriate for the situation…I haven’t gotten myself in trouble or anything, but I mean screaming across the party a joke about no, there is not a bathroom because the people here just hold it all day is probably not appropriate…among other strange and/or irrelevant information that spews out of my mouth…

On a completely unrelated note, there are some things that you never forget…you may not know where you first heard them, but you know you will never forget them…one of those for me is the case of the bad breakfast burrito…I have no idea whether I heard this in Citizenship, NEO, Intro Psych, or somewhere else, but I know I won’t ever forget it…and since all of those events are at least three years in the past, I don’t think I am kidding that I will never forget…so anyway, I am not so awesome at storytelling, but basically, the idea behind the case of the bad breakfast burrito is that if you started your day with a bad breakfast burrito you probably would be kind of crabby and frustrated and might not act like yourself. So the idea is, if someone is treating you with less than adequate respect or is just kinda crabby to realize that the person may not always act that way, and may just be acting like that because of a bad breakfast burrito that morning…I think that is a good thing to keep in mind, because it is really true that people who are usually nice may sometimes do things that really bother us…I can’t think of a single person, even of the people who are so close to my heart that it would be more accurate to describe them as inside my heart, who has not at one time or another hurt me in some way…but not just being a doormat, or hungry for friendship, I forgive and let people back to my heart…I guess I believe that if you are capable of being a seemingly caring person for a while and then mess up, you probably are still a good person…especially, but not resting on the condition of your apology…

The problem is the people who seem to have eaten a bad breakfast burrito every, or nearly every day…these people don’t seem to ever learn to stop eating them despite how many times they eat and get crabby…either that or they just are naturally crabby people…and you probably are not going to convince them to stop, because now it is habitual. They get up, eat a bad breakfast burrito, and get crabby. It is natural and feels comfortable to them…trying to change them is pretty futile, and an argument is just going to force them to protect their right to continue eating breakfast burritos…occasionally their burrito is fine and that fuels them to prove that they should keep eating and allows you to feel like giving them more benefit of the doubt that they really are a good person…but most days they just keep eating bad breakfast burritos…

I guess it is kind of like what some friends were talking about a few days ago. At the base of every argument is God. If you can’t agree on this foundation then the rest of the argument will fall apart…which led to the great statement that it is useless to argue about corn if you don’t agree on God…the basic idea is that because any argument essentially boils down to beliefs about God, arguing with someone with different beliefs will lead to the arguments made by each person seem completely ridiculous to the other person…I am not saying you should never converse with anyone with different religious beliefs than you or that every conversation you have with someone with different beliefs needs to center on their beliefs until they agree. That is not practical. I guess I am really just saying to choose your battles wisely.

P.S. If anyone thinks they know where the case of the bad breakfast burrito came from, I would love to know, because if I am really going to remember it forever then I’d like to know who told me about it…

Advertisements

Care to share your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s