I’ll stand. My soul, Lord, to you surrendered.

(The Stand—Kristian Stanfill)

I love church…It was a bit frustrating getting there since I had to take a new, longer, way since the road I usually take is closed, and the new way while not that much physically longer, is much longer in terms of time, but once I was there it was like coming home. Like I’ve said before, the personality test that said I would fit in best at religious groups was pretty accurate…because people at church are nice enough to smile and wave back at me and say hi…and some of them I know outside of church and know that they aren’t just being “Sunday People” while they are at church…which I don’t know why I use the phrase sunday people seeing as how at school I pretty much only go to church on Saturdays…

Excitement number one: it wasn’t too crowded, so I didn’t have to get frustrated about trying to parallel park…yeah, I still am lousy at it to the point that I have started considering parking a few streets away to save the hassle of parallel parking and un-parallel parking…

Excitement number two (much more important): One of my friends invited me to sit by her and it was so awesome-sauce! It is amazing to be wanted. It is even better to be wanted by someone who also makes comments during the sermon and is a criss-cross applesauce over standard sitting position person…Giggling like schoolgirls (I don’t know exactly what that means, so I’m just going to say it means laughing and having a good time) is the best remedy for loneliness : ) .

My arms felt empty, missing the children that I ached to hold, but my heart was full. On the topic of nursery, it is SO good to be able to go into a service and not feel like everyone is staring at me…when I was ensnared by social anxiety, it was really hard every time I moved back and forth and had to go to a different church, especially coming back to school when I often had not even been in a service in a long time because at home I prefer to hang out with the kids and watch the sermon online later…but now, being in a service is not in the least scary or intimidating. It is just another way to praise my Savior…it is hard for me to sit still for a service, but socially, I have no problem, and most of the time I am able to at least stay in my seat enough that I am not embarrassed by my need to be in motion…

If I could change one thing about church though, it would be that it would be socially appropriate to wander around during the sermon…during the service a few people I know came in as the service was starting and I really wanted to say hi and catch up with them, but I couldn’t…

It was really hard to contain my laughter to an appropriate level at communion though…the person up front said the usual broke the bread thing…which reminded me of on Thursday when we had Dominos for dinner and we got cinna sticks and I don’t remember how it came up but I started singing the song “Jesus broke the bread” except with new lyrics: “Mommy broke the sticks….this is my icing poured out for you…” and then we talked about how maybe Jesus actually had donuts and we just misunderstood the translation and how church would be so much better if we had cinna sticks for communion…

I love church…At school I often feel like an outsider, but at church everyone is so nice and although at school recently I have had some random people ask to sit with me to escape the loud, crowded, noisy atmosphere of the cafeteria, for the most part that doesn’t happen at school, but at church it isn’t that uncommon for someone I don’t know to introduce themselves to me and even engage me in conversation…Also, I am getting involved at church and I am really excited for that…At church people appreciate me for what I can do instead of making it real obvious they would prefer if I didn’t exist…

Going home was also interesting, because I didn’t write down directions for that, and it is not that comfortable for me to make up directions as I go in an area that I have not really driven in before and that has had a lot of changes recently…and also I have now confirmed (not with a medical professional) that I am allergic to something…by the time I got home I was literally screaming because I was what I probably should describe as itchy, but for me a lot of things like that my sensory system might trigger itchy at first but if it intensifies it just triggers pain…and I was lucky enough to stop myself before pouring anti-itch in my eyes…I probably used more than intended on my legs, but I didn’t blind myself, and that is always a good thing…

Oh, and back to the topic of church, it was kind of cool because in the sermon he was talking about inviting college students or other people between living situations into your home…which is exactly what I was hoping to do next year…him talking about that made it feel a lot more acceptable to ask someone to allow me to stay with them…I am so excited for the rotations that I can do away from school, but I do need a safe place to stay for the rotations at school (safe being a subjective term that really just means not in my car and not too close to the princess library…not that I actually know where the princess library is…I just know I don’t wanna stay too close to it…)…well actually, I do have a vague idea where the library is seeing as how I was trying to bike there the day a couple years ago when really only remember that it is approximately south and west of my apartment…

Random side note: I might not be able to have skittles for a few more days, but fruit snacks make a pretty good substitute…

Random side note #2: It would be really awesome if the song I wanted to listen to on repeat wasn’t an underwear commercial…”I don’t care! I love it!”…

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