If it makes no difference why am I trying to survive?

(5 Minutes at a Time—Superchick)

I LOVE working as a pharmacy technician SO much, and school is super hard for me. Ergo, I was just thinking that I could throw my pen at the wall right now and walk away and pretend that I never tried this whole pharmacy school thing and I could still live a perfectly happy life even without going back to school to get some other degree. I am not going to quit (nor am I going to throw my pen at the wall), but it was super empowering to realize that although everyone would probably tell me what a dumb choice I was making, I really do have that option. I am an adult and there isn’t anything anyone can do to stop me if I had my mind made up…well, except for fire me, but I suspect that while there might be a conversation held about it that my manager would be so happy to have me full time that she would get over it real fast that I was no longer in school.

On a totally different note, there is nothing like watching a half hour video of yourself counseling someone. Where on the self-evaluation form is the box for “I can totally tell in my face it is getting hard to suppress the urge to spin in circles in this chair.” What about the box for “yeah, I respond to emotion verbally, but wouldn’t it be a lot less awkward if our chairs were the same height and I could offer a hug?”

P.S. If you wanted me to sit still then maybe the chair you give me shouldn’t be on wheels and shouldn’t be spinny…seriously considering how awkward it would be to bring my own chair to the next session that doesn’t have wheels and doesn’t spin…haha and while I’m at it I’ll bring a lap desk and my pillow and get real comfortable…oh wait, there is a box for professionalism…and most professionals don’t carry around their own personal chair…

Also, I found two really awesome quotes on twitter yesterday when I should have been learning therapeutics or clin epi…

“If you’re unhealthy, everything you do is going to be unhealthy because you’re the one doing it.” I am not sure I 100% agree with this, but it is a pretty good reminder that if you don’t take care of yourself then gradually everything else will fall apart. You can’t make a difference for someone else until you can make a difference for yourself.

“Everyone has their own journey. If a path exists, that path belongs to someone else. You have to go where the forest is thickest and cut your way through it.” I am still processing this one. It feels really meta…I don’t really know what that means, but people used that in high school in a sense that seemed anyway like they thought it was kinda nerdy but kinda cool…as in “That’s so meta.” I don’t think I like that this seems to indicate that you should go searching for the hardest possible solution. I like that it acknowledges that my journey is not your journey. I like the possibility that perhaps if you connect with someone else you will be able to ride along in their wake until you catch up, and then you can synergize so you both get through the forest faster together than either of you could have done alone. Life is hard, why not lighten the load for those coming after you?

One things you can learn vicariously today so you don’t need to make your own mistakes: don’t eat orange gum and peanut butter at the same time…peanut butter tastes incredible on apples. I have never tried peanut butter on oranges but I bet it is probably good…peanut butter on orange gum, however, is NOT good. That gum got spit out into the trash…

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