(I’m not cool—Scott Krippayne)
Ever wondered what the conversations I have with myself sound like when I’m having good days? I feel like I have done conversations from my head when I wasn’t happy but not when I was…So here is a weekend of JOY…minus the parts where I was upset…It is just as random and nonsensical as when I am upset, but everything if infinitely more joy-filled…parenthetical remarks except where used to indicate the removal of my name were added later…
APPLE JUICE!! (Name) please turn both sinks off then you can reward yourself with the juice.
(Name) why is your full cup on the floor? You can put your pencil in your backpack later. Try to do ONE thing at a time.
Please put the shoe on your foot and turn off the lights. This is why it takes you forever to get out the door…but I love you anyway…
That is NOT what that sign is supposed to say…(pause, thinking)…I like it. I like it a lot.
FRIENDSES! More come?
Where is your inside voice? Can you find your inside voice? No lunch if you don’t find your inside voice. (instantly finds inside voice). I thought that might get through to you. I know you like the back of my hand. (looks down briefly at hand) Hey!! That’s new!
Oooh!! Small people! No! You can’t go play because I know you well enough to know that you’ll never make it the rest of the way if you do and then you won’t see your actual friends and then you will be sad. See? Kids=sad. You don’t want that. Go see friends!! (10 minutes later when I actually get out of my car and walk in) Lots and Lots of friends! Yeah, like 3 so far…
…and now you have a good idea why you tell yourself to grow up when you are being picky…it’s really good you discovered soy and rice milk though ’cause ain’t no one got time anymore for spending hours at the table in a face down with milk and the latest and greatest attempt to make it palatable (Let’s just say those chocolate and cereal covered straws had high potential and when eaten plain were good, but once they were used for milk they were disgusting…such a shame to waste all that good chocolate by making it mushy and milky…also hot chocolate mix > ovaltine > nestle > chocolate syrup)
Wait did that mom just say that people expect us to have flawless skin? It looks like I am the only one in this room falling short of that expectation if that is really true. I have definitely learned my lesson on chasing other people’s changing expectations of me though. That is not a game I am willing to play again. All Done All Done.
Oooh!! Look how many nilla wafers are in the bag!! That’s more than I have fingers!
Umm where did you get the idea that nilla wafers, apple juice, apple sauce, and peanut butter crackers–and a spoon packed as an afterthought–equated to breakfast lunch and at least a start to dinner? Why can’t you pack a lunch the right way? Umm, maybe because *someone* packed her lunch not wanting to use the microwave…oh yeah…someone did a real good job packing a lunch and not crushing the crackers in the bottom of the backpack. We should be friends with her.
I can’t remember what inner child work is anymore, but I do know that my inner child would like you to please pass the skittles please! I don’t think that’s how it works. I don’t think I care.
FRUIT SNACKS!! Oww my foot just got bitten off by a giant monster! Yeah, well my arms just got bitten off! Where is my body? Have you seen my body?? Areg;jaerg;ajerbg A talking head!! Hey! How are you talking?? You don’t even have a head! Umm…can we go back to studying therapeutics? Oh yeah!! That’s what I was doing!
I am SO excited to be a REAL college student again!…okay fine, more like a college tourist so the exact same thing I could do at home…umm actually I should probably find out if she meant she’d take me there to study or to like talk to people…
(Name) STOP!! You’re making a mess…but I’m just watering my flowers…umm…okay, and the table. Just ’cause you needed a quart of water didn’t mean the flowers were that thirsty. (Side note, on second thought, this might be why they aren’t looking very alive…I somehow managed to keep a plant alive that went back and forth between home and school with me a few times and even spent the month of winter break alone at school and it only ended up dying when it went through an awful hail storm and then I forgot to water it for pretty much an entire semester…but that doesn’t necessarily mean that every plant can survive that kind of abuse).
No I don’t know what the shirt you found in your backpack smells like, and yes it doesn’t smell like sweat, but it also doesn’t smell good so it doesn’t really matter how long it may or may not have been worn.
Look it’s like a kindergarten chair! If they take down the no trespassing sign lets go sit in it. Because if I fits, I sits.
Let’s do intuitive eating. But this meal has no protein. Yeah, that’s the point. I’m full and I don’t want any. Oh…Can you do that? I’m pretty sure that is how it works…speaking of listening to my body, I want some more skittles. Umm, I thought you were full, and I’m pretty sure you are listening to your mouth and not your body…How about you put the peanut butter in the microwave and eat it anyway and then SIT DOWN.
Yes, I know you said you couldn’t get up until you came up with something to write about so you have a paper to turn in tomorrow, but that was before I knew you’d need another napkin. Go get it and come back.
Umm…don’t wanna burst your bubble or anything…but…if you wanna vacuum and mop you can’t spread your notes out on the floor…it’s not gonna work…