Don’t Mess With The Quo

(Stick to the Status Quo—High School Musical)

Actually, this is about how not sticking to the status quo is pretty awesome…change is hard sometimes, but change can be good…(I still operate on the policy of if it ain’t broke don’t fix it, and my favorite if a baby falls asleep on me, NEVER move a sleeping baby…but if the baby isn’t sleeping you have options).

I took a risk. I used constructive criticism to let someone know about a way this person hurt me. I expected at most a quick thanks for the email and more likely to be completely ignored, but instead I was pleasantly surprised to get a very thoughtful and apologetic response. It was really incredible. This person clearly displayed that my concern had been heard and taken to heart and this person would act differently in the future. This is exciting on the basic level of someone going beyond the call of duty, but also exciting, because I stood up for myself, and wasn’t hurt in exchange. Who this person is also made the action even more significant, but I am not so sure it is a good idea for me to really go into that, so I am just going to say that I got more benefit from this than I probably would have gotten from not being hurt in the first place.

Things look different in the light, but I don’t always have the lights on in my apartment. Sometimes my drawings look a lot different in the light than they did in the dark. Sometimes that is a good thing, and other times it isn’t…this would be one of my problems that I could easily fix by only opening my journal in the dark…or more realistically by turning on the lights instead of studying (and doodling) in the warm glowing warming glow of my laptop screen…

I really like going through the documents on my computer to get embarrassed at myself and to get proud of myself depending on what I find…I recently found a list labelled December goals that appear to have been aimed at December 2012. I strongly doubt that I actually achieved like any of those goals that year, but as of this summer, I have achieved every goal on the list…Yay me! Other things I find are just super laugh-worthy…like how someone suggested that over the summer after first year I should learn one thing about each of my co-workers…so I have a list of everyone’s name and a random fact such as “knows ceftin is brand name so we use the back of the book” “is moving sometime” “plans to be out of town or pregnant when [name] needs help moving” “still works there.” I am not certain what the intention of that comment to learn things was, but something tells me this wasn’t it. I also recently scrolled down in my non-school email account and saw some of my high school emails…my only thoughts were pretty much “Oh, girly…you were SOOOO awkward.” I had absolutely no filter whatsoever (like seriously, you think I have no filter now, you shoulda seen what I was saying then), and, umm, let’s just say I make awkward turtles look downright graceful.

Another change from the status quo: I have an exam on Monday. I am not ready, I am nervous, and regardless of how good I do a good grade in the class is a mathematical impossibility at this point, but I am choosing really hard not to be frustrated, because frustrated isn’t going to get me anywhere that joy would not. To use the analogy from Inside Out, headquarters was feeling kind of cramped, so I am kicking out fear, disgust, sadness, and anger and just letting joy run the place. Joy did a pretty good job when Riley was an infant, so why wouldn’t she be able to do it alone again as a college student? Plus Joy and Sadness are both super beautiful…maybe sadness can stay too, because even though the emotion she represents in real life is kinda lousy, in the movie she was a lot of fun too…she seems to need lots of hugs, I love hugs, sounds like a good match to me…

Also, you should mark Tuesday November 10, 2015 in history, because I said NO! I got an email that I was wanted for to help with childrens ministry…and I was like YES!! I want me to help with kids too!! And then I sent the email that no, I am not available for that…

There are some things that never change though…I still am upset with myself when I accidentally hang up on telemarketers…even when they are kind of dense…I was starting to get to the point where I was wondering what part of I don’t have a tv is so difficult to understand, but I didn’t mean to hang up on her…it just kinda happened accidentally…also, just a PSA: if you are ever a telemarketer and the number of TV’s a person has is 0 then probably you should skip the questions trying to find out what TV shows that person watches and what time of day they watch TV and what room their TV is in, and so on…it isn’t like APP where you have to ask every question regardless of how irrelevant it is or your grade will go down (and even if it was, I am living proof that it is still possible to pass (albeit with a low grade) if you don’t ask the questions that don’t make any sense given what the patient has already said and even if you do ask all the questions in the right way someone just might take points off because how dare you smile while counseling a patient).

…And some things I wish would change…I still expect to be yelled at in certain circumstances in which I didn’t really do anything wrong…which occasionally leads to some awkward emails I wish I could take back when I try to pre-emptively dissipate the anger…even if someone is consistently caring and gentle and a wonderful person, if they are in a certain field of work and share an idea that I am not 100% sure if I agree with or if they ask me a question that is not a direct command I might look and act normal on the outside, but on the inside I am cowering and scared…the fact that I can recognize that this isn’t a rational response is a sign of great progress, but the fact that I am still responding with fear isn’t so good…

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