Look at all the pretty things that steal my heart away I can feel I’m fading

(All the Pretty Things–Tenth Avenue North)

So yeah…I have a half written blogpost left from finals…so I’m going to finish it…

Speaking of finals…half of them went well and half of them didn’t…things that are frustrating: when we were told we would not need to know any concentrations for the exam because it would all be given to us…and then it wasn’t…and I’ve got a lot of more important things to cram in my brain than what the concentrations of stuff are in our “classroom stock solutions.” The world continues to spin and I still passed even if I didn’t get the grade I wanted so I’ll still move on and get outta here…

 

During finals I saw a cafeteria worker leave the restroom without washing her hands…I don’t think it is OCD related if I complain that we have a lot more important things to worry about than getting stomach flu because you couldn’t be bothered to take 30 seconds to wash your hands…

 

Friday morning I went to IT…because the Friday before school started I went to get a new sticker for my computer because I lost mine over the summer, and they said to come back on Monday for it…so I did…and on Monday they said they’d give me a call when it was ready but it would be a few days…and fast forward to the end of the semester and I still didn’t have it…so I went back thinking they’d tell me they’d have one for me after break…nope, instead they took my computer for nearly a half hour and also restarted it before giving it back to me…umm…do I even want to know why it took you that long and why you were restarting my computer?

 

So I know that I used to have really bad OCD and that I sometimes needed help because of that…but when people who didn’t even know me then try to accommodate me sometimes it just makes a mess…not to mention that most of the time I’d rather just be treated the same way that you’d treat anyone else. I don’t want to be different, so unless I really need help I don’t want to be different. If everyone else is doing it then I wanna do it too (unless it is skipping classes…I don’t wanna do that)…so yeah, one of my friends and I were sharing some napkins and food on Monday…and she claimed her allergies were acting up…and on Wednesday she admitted that she was tired because she had a cold but she hadn’t told me because she didn’t want to stress me out…umm Thanks?…I don’t expect people to announce whenever they have a cold, but I do expect them to say something if we were going to share food and I’d be happy to get an extra bowl and napkin so we each have our own…and right on cue on Thursday I woke up with a cold…

 

Also, I spent some of my day on Thursday worried about one of my friends…because she had said the night before that she was really worried about one of her exams so I agreed to talk through it with her on Thursday among other things we were going to do together…and I emailed her and I texted her like 20 times including a text that just said “are you alive?” and by like 2pm I hadn’t seen her even in passing on her way to the cafeteria, and I hadn’t gotten any texts or emails from her…and then I remembered the way she had talked about taking her medicine the night before and started thinking that maybe there was something going on…so I was trying to write an email to someone to check on her without feeling like I was violating her privacy…and then at almost 4pm she texted me that she overslept and had just woken up…crisis averted…I always approve of sleeping, because if you can’t wake up to your alarm then you probably needed the sleep…

 

On Friday, for the first time in a long time, I didn’t eat lunch on purpose…sometimes you have to pick your battles and when you suddenly become stressed out about your last final and another thing that is happening the same day, throwing away a couple of slices of pizza instead of eating them sounds like a better plan to ensure that they are thrown away without the addition of the rest of your stomach contents…I haven’t thrown up due to stress since high school, and I’d like to keep it that way…and it was pizza with way too much cheese and I don’t even like cheese so it wasn’t much of a loss…and yeah, I totally am justifying, but I figure I’ve had enough snacks this week that while nutritionally it might not be great, calorically I am doing fine…and I took a multivitamin in the morning so it isn’t like I am going to be horribly nutrient deficient…I regretted throwing it away once I got hungry, but considering it had already been at room temperature longer than it probably should have been more than once and had been heated up in the microwave already I didn’t have much of a choice…

 

Partly because I still don’t always stick up for myself and am your yes girl, and partly because I LOVE to make people happy, I’ve been giving a lot of things away…and I caught myself telling myself that it was because I was a bad person…umm, no…not going to believe the lies that my bad grades and the things that contributed to those bad grades make me a bad person or that not saying no enough makes me a bad person…Making people happy makes me happy, so I am investing in myself every time I say yes…and like the song goes “it’s only when you share that you will see your heart to be rich beyond compare.”

 

I made it home…at 5:15 in the morning my stupid tire pressure light came on again…but when I pulled over and determined that all the tires definitely had air in them, I ignored it all day…I should probs stop by the gas station to fill my tank and tires today, but I’m kinda lazy…and I know I am a stress-eater…’cause I tried to change into jeans after church yesterday and had to try a different pair because the first pair I put on was too small…well, I finally got my wish that I would grow so that more of my pants would fit…two good finals and two not so good finals this semester…one more semester of classes and I won’t have to take tests anymore !! So excited!! (Well, except for the licensure exam, but if it is anything like the pharm tech exam it is kind of a joke…yeah, I read the prep book for the exam…once…but I definitely didn’t know it…I was in luck that a lot of the exam was just can you multiply 6 times 5?…or like super duh moment things like if someone presents a fraudulent prescription should you give it to them anyway…)

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