The only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside


The harder I try, the harder, it seems, that I fall. If trying hurts this much it seems like perhaps giving up would be better. I am happy on the outside, but on the inside I am not happy. I am frustrated.

I guess I kinda am an artist though…see my journal…aka my lyric doodle pad…


This whole semester has been hard, but it is really stupid what sent everything the rest of the way into me being totally over it and ready to quit…I was being a big girl and using my inside voice instead of screaming down the hallway about what I wanted, so I wrote an email and even used the red exclamation point that feels really rude because it tells everyone you think you are more important than the rest of the world and expect special treatment…I don’t really think I am that special, but I really really wanted something and that needed to do whatever was in my power to make it happen…well, except my email went unanswered until it was too late…what I wanted was gone and even if it wasn’t, I was at a different school and class was about to start…it isn’t really anyone’s fault—people have more important things in their jobs than reading an email from someone whose emails are usually not urgent…but my arms were empty, and I longed for them to be full. I would have settled for just my eyes being full, but all I could have was google images…

Like this: SO adorable, but not what I really wanted.



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