There’s a chemical in your brain it’s pouring sunshine and rage

(Manic—Plumb)

 

I’m not sure about the physiologic accuracy of this lyric…I mean, lack of serotonin and norepinephrine is suspected to be an underlying cause of ADHD and depression, so you could link the depression to rage and the ADHD to sunshine…but that is kind of simplistic…and not at all what I think the song is trying to express…in any case…it’s crazy how a single situation can change so dramatically with the introduction of tiny new variables…

 

Back to the song, it is a Christian song, but it also not totally theologically sound in my opinion. “I won’t forgive again because she takes so often.” Umm I’m pretty sure that 70×7 wasn’t intended to mean that you got to stop forgiving when you hit 490…in fact, the song goes “70 times 7, don’t use a calculator to figure it out, forgive as God has forgiven you, that’s what it’s all about.” (Yeah, I know, I shouldn’t necessarily get my theology from children’s songs, but I’m pretty sure the forgiveness isn’t something where you can meet a quota and then stop.

 

Also, this blog post made me cry a few days ago. There are people in the world who make bad choices, but there are also SO many good people. Sometimes God orchestrates some pretty awesome people to work together to make big things happen. http://themighty.com/2016/03/to-the-strangers-in-whole-foods-who-surrounded-me-after-news-of-my-fathers-suicide/

 

Speaking of bad choices, I almost made one today…but then, like usually pops into my head, I remembered the book “Song Lee and the I Hate You Notes.” I honestly have no clue what that book is about, but the title has stuck with me a lot longer than the actual content of the book. I do remember that in the book, Song Lee got an I hate you note (I don’t remember whether it was intentional, a joke, or intended for someone else) and I was very sad for her. I don’t want to make anyone feel like that…so it isn’t okay to post online that I think someone stinks (not in the sense of smelling bad, necessarily, but in the sense of personality)…although sometimes smell makes me really want to punch someone in the face even though I would never do that, because I am no longer nearly as picky as I used to be, but there are still a lot of food that not only will I not eat, but I can’t stand how they smell…including ketchup, wine, salad dressing, cooked fish, barbecue sauce, greek yogurt, funyuns, and beer…I’ll tolerate it, but it will drive me insane…

 

But…just a PSA…I have a personal bubble that I like to be respected…My getting up to go to the bathroom is not an invitation for you to stand by my stuff. As far as I could tell nothing was taken, but there was absolutely no reason to stand there, and you’re not going to get any juicy gossip because I mostly leave only notes out, and not things like my journal or my facebook, so it isn’t going to be that exciting unless you are thrilled by antibiotic resistance or whatnot…When I sit back down it is certainly not an invitation to come on back. It is my opinion that if someone would like to use a particular space that my stuff and/or my body has already claimed then that person owes me the dignity of a smile or a hi or some other form of acknowledgement…obviously an exception would be if I am quite obviously in the zone and won’t notice the difference anyway, but if you are someone who doesn’t think I should receive that level of respect then you should probably not be invading my space…especially when there is absolutely no reason to do so and it actually is seemingly an inconvenience to you to be there…IDK about you, but I like to be respected.

 

Discussion was awesome today for at least part of it because there was pizza…who wouldn’t be thrilled about being in class when there is pizza? However, while it was okay to eventually accept the fact that I forgot to turn in an assignment last week, that acceptance quickly disappeared when I found out the teacher was still deciding whether to enforce the syllabus and give me a zero or how to otherwise penalize me. I am so thankful that this teacher was so much more compassionate than my teacher last semester who told me I wasn’t going to be a good pharmacist because I cared about my grade…it was also completely false when the teacher last semester said a particular assignment I got a zero on (because I got 7 wrong out of 50…) wouldn’t impact my grade, because at the end of the semester I was like 3 points away from the grade I wanted in the class…so clearly if I had even gotten three points on the assignment it would have impacted my grade, and dramatically impacted my self-esteem.

 

I thought about drowning my sorrow today in half a pizza, but I didn’t know if by the time I picked up the pizza and found an okay place to set it down if I would have enough time left on the ticking time bomb of my brain to get somewhere alone before I lost control of my emotions…but I kinda wish I had taken some, because now I am hungry…and I need to run, because I just looked at the clock and have class in 5 minutes!!

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