Life puts a fist right in your rib

(Glow in the Dark—Jason Gray)

Sometimes I am not proud of myself, but sometimes I am. Despite spending most of the car ride home last night screaming about how dumb a particular requirement is that I am pretending in front of people to be a big girl about but when completely alone am still freaking out about, I was able to treat someone who annoyed me with respect. It was super late at night which means the filter to my mouth could very well have been absent, but instead I was polite and respectful. So yeah, this lady sees me get out of my car and as I am gathering all the stuff out of my car to bring to my apartment she tells me that she wants to park where I am parked. I said sorry and she was like so you’re not going to move? And I was like no, but there are still plenty of other places. She was like but I like parking on that side of the street. At that point I was done picking up my stuff so I just said sorry again and walked away and was super proud of myself, because I was polite, but I didn’t let people walk all over me! Jesus was the door, not the doormat, and I try to follow his example.

It is super annoying, because why in the world would someone expect someone who had clearly just parked and had a lot of stuff to carry would put all her stuff back in the car and go park somewhere else. Also, there are TWO gated parking lots on my street, so if you want a spot that is yours all yours you can go buy your own numbered spot, but if you don’t want to pay for it then whoever gets there first gets to put their car in that spot. Also, yeah, you might want to park there, but clearly if I parked there, I also wanted to park there. Street parking is a first-come first-served situation. And yeah, I get that it is annoying when you have to park four blocks away, but in this case there was another spot that was equidistant from the one I was in to almost any location in the general vicinity, so in the time she spent trying to convince me to move even *I* could have parked in a different space (And considering how lousy I am at parking that is significant).

Also, totally unrelated except for the fact that it also made me frustrated yesterday:

Outreach and advocacy day is super annoying. True, it has improved since the assignment to go wander around a city that everyone says is very dangerous…that same assignment that took my group most of the day because none of had cars, but took other groups about 15 minutes because they did have a member with a car. Not to mention that the place my group was supposed to go didn’t exist. We even asked police officers (who looked at us like what in the world are these young girls doing wandering around this dangerous area) and people who worked nearby where in the world the place we were supposed to go was when we couldn’t find the address despite walking up and down the same block a few times…and ended up having someone call back to the school to be like hey we can’t find this place, we need help just to be told, oops you’re right, it doesn’t exist, come on back to school we know you tried. So frustrating. Anyway, I don’t feel like sitting around for four hours folding pamphlets is a good use of my time. Well, actually, we ran out of pamphlets to fold in two hours and had two hours to stare at each other wishing we were doing pretty much anything else…the only useful thing out of the day was while asking the pharmacist to sign that we were there someone asked us if we knew if PE was going to make her tired.

TBH, I was already annoyed before I got there. I didn’t get two streets away from school before I considered strongly turning around and asking for the make-up assignment. There was some guy standing in the middle of the street forcing me to turn right when I knew my directions said turn left because “we need to get this guy backed up because he is going the wrong way.” Umm, no, you don’t need to get him backed up. HE went the wrong way, so HE can go around the block and try again, while I go where I am going because I am not lost yet. I didn’t say that, I just turned because there are some battles that aren’t worth fighting, but seriously?

Okay yeah…re-reading this post makes me think that I spend way too much time in the car…and I totally agree…but it wasn’t really my choice.

Also, completely unrelated…I am super frustrated with therapeutics…the amount of effort I put in seems to be inversely related to the grade I get…I try so hard and all I am rewarded with is another bad grade and more frustration. My grades are an arbitrary number assessed by people in authority, not a measure of my intelligence, worth, learning, or any other useful objective measure, but sometimes it is hard to let go of my desire for good grades…especially when I keep hearing that I need to do this and do that if I want to amount to anything and compared to what everyone tells me I have to do to get either a residency or a job, there is like zero chance of that happening…luckily, there are probably few people who would get one if it really were the way people say it is, but compared to that standard I don’t measure up, and it feels like the one area I can influence is the grades, and I am just messing that part up. Also, the justification they gave for why one of my answers didn’t receive points was that the article I referenced was written in Russian…obviously that is not true because I don’t read Russian so I couldn’t have used an article written in Russian, and I know the citation is correct because I copied and pasted it from the source itself. If I hadn’t been sitting in class checking my email during a break when I saw that, I can’t guarantee that my computer wouldn’t have been thrown off of the table in frustration and anger. I am SO over T4. I hate the grading strategy so much. Also, I think therapeutics in general is a huge waste of a course. It I were re-designing the curriculum there would be absolutely no therapeutics course, and instead we would take more pharmacology, because that class covers 99% of the same information but is actually applicable to real life and is taught five billionty zillionty trillionty times better. (But is currently sped through because there are only like 8 credit hours of it in the curriculum). Also I would be happier with therapeutics if we got rid of some of the hopelessly lousy lecturers, and got some teaching lessons for the ones that at least have a little hope of becoming decent lecturers. Note that I would still think it was a retarded useless class, but I would be slightly happier with it–I still wouldn’t think the class was worth my time and effort.

LOL…I thought I posted this yesterday, but obviously I didn’t…I would forget my head if it weren’t attached…I realized early on this morning that I forgot my socks but figured it wasn’t a big deal because the worst it would be would be my first SPR demerit if my partner tattled on me and even that doesn’t really matter because nothing really important happens until you get three SPR demerits or you get one that is judged to be especially bad (like if you were making fun of your patient on social media that would probably be a big enough deal they wouldn’t wait until you got caught three times to make it very clear that you better not do that again). Plus, considering my partner forgot socks one day last month and I am definitely not a tattletale, no one at school would have known…on the other hand though, I realized that I also forgot the form that needs to be signed today…without the form being signed today it is hello, here is your non-negotiable F for the course, better luck next year. That was worth going home for…


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