No need for walls you see right through

(When I’m with you—Citizen Way)


So I wrote this over the course of Monday and Tuesday then Wednesday morning I got some news that kinda…okay, more than kinda…rocked my world. I’m not ready to process it out loud yet, because like I literally just finished reading my email and I’d rather go through the motions of moving down the task list before I stop to let myself really process it…but basically most everything else I wrote here seems kinda silly and trivial compared to the rest of my world.


Five Things



So I was reading recently about how the Newtown shooting never really happened and was actually a hoax…which was mildly disappointing because the Newtown shooting was what helped me figure out what I wanted to do if I couldn’t be a pharmacist. Apparently the building it was supposedly happening at hadn’t housed classes for years and was only a storage facility, and there were websites set up for the “victims” the day before it supposedly happened among other issues that detract from the story presented…whatevs…true or not, it was a good story…although not being true does explain why I could never really find the information I really craved at the time and explains why it didn’t seem like anyone went past sensationalism in the reporting into real life…and even stories can remind us of what to do to protect ourselves from the real life bad guys. Don’t go to school guys! It is dangerous! That is a message I can totally get behind! (Okay, not really, I go to school Monday through Saturday even though it isn’t safe because going to school is what you do if you want to be successful in life…or if you want easy internet access).


…but on the topic of shootings, there was one a couple blocks from school…it was kind of disappointing, because it was so close yet I didn’t even hear anything had happened until half an hour later when an email got sent out…I always miss all the action! I could be seeing history be made and instead I am always doing something else…like when a car drove into the pool and I was totally oblivious until I was done swimming, had my stuff packed up and we couldn’t leave because my carpool buddies wanted to try to get interviewed…or like when I heard on the radio that a bridge collapsed and it didn’t faze me, because they’re always talking about something on the roads, and then I was getting a ride to bible study and someone waved us down to tell the people driving about what happened and apparently it was a big deal, and people were watching it happen again on TV when we got there. On the positive side, because people weren’t exactly rushing into this area around school with that kind of news even though there was news that the shooter was caught at like 6:45 (so it probably actually happened at like 6:15 since there seems to be about a half hour lag between happenings and being told), in between of finding out about the shooting and the all clear I could go with my friend to get smoothies and talk and I had the time available to be the kind of friend I wish I was. In defense of going out when there was no notice of the dude getting caught, the shooting happened south of campus and we went north…and beyond that, I believe that people don’t just decide to go around shooting random people, so if you are using your head and being a generally good person you have very little to worry about…plus, since it had happened so recently there were probably more police dudes out than usual so it would actually be safer than usual to hang out outside…although it does mean you gotta be more careful about traffic rules b/c you can’t play the no cop no stop card when there are cops everywhere. (I don’t actually even play that card…I just like how it sounds…but I will admit that I have difficulties with paying attention to the speed limit…and one time I parked somewhere specifically marked no parking because my friend told me to and I was afraid to stand up for myself and was running late and was only going to be parked ten minutes tops)…


And speaking of news, I was reading Monday about this lady who wanted to be “the fun weekend mom” so she got a hotel room and had a party for her teen and gave him heroin and fentanyl. She woke up in the morning to a dead kid…followed by some criminal charges. I’m really glad that I don’t have the fun weekend mom. My mom’s sense of humor doesn’t always line up with mine, but we both agree that a drug party doesn’t sound enjoyable…but my dad and I are a lot more similar. “Hey, you’re not shot, right” “Not that I know of…lol” “Good, keep it that way”


My opinion is that we live in a world people get shot and houses explode and you can either laugh and enjoy the story or you can live scared of your own shadow…oh yeah, houses exploding! That’s a good story too! So my parents went to yell at my brothers for kicking the furniture and they were both asleep in bed…as it turns out the sound and jolt of the apartment was from the explosion of a house a few miles away. A house in the same neighborhood as the house we were planning on moving into soon. The news didn’t immediately say which house it was and our house was getting a furnace that day…so they were obviously concerned that it was our future home that exploded…not that it is really any better that it was a different home that exploded, ’cause that one had a person in the garage when it happened and she went to the hospital and apparently kids aren’t allowed to visit people they barely know at that hospital…



It bugs me when people over-spiritualize things. Not to be a negative-Nancy or a depressing-Debbie or anything, but while it is all well and good that God CAN do everything, it is not very helpful when I say I can’t to assert that God can…or that I can do anything through Christ. Is it true that God *could* write a stellar paper for me and study for and do well on three exams and five quizzes and a couple group projects, do 500 pages of reading, and be prepared for the next things coming up after that for me in the next week or so? Sure, he could do that, but chances are, he is going to leave it to me to get done with whatever I am able to get done with. That doesn’t make it any easier to accept that I can’t do everything I am supposed to be doing, because that is only the academic side of life and ignores the social, emotional, and “life” aspects of life, and even if I just had the academics I don’t feel like I could do it…In fact, that over-spiritualization sometimes hurts. It makes me question am I doing something wrong? Why aren’t things working out the way everyone tells me they will? Why can’t I get it right when everyone else must be able to do it since they are spouting this wisdom at me?


God works in mysterious ways. God cares. God does not tend to do people’s homework. Not being negative, just being real.



Halfway to the parking garage at the end of my school day on Tuesday I figured out where to hold my ID and keys to throw it so that I actually catch it most of the time. That might seem pretty trivial, but it was pretty exciting…and besides, when most of the big things are going wrong, it is the little things that matter the most. Also, this means my ID and stuff won’t go swimming in puddles or tree-climbing or go on similar adventures anymore…



So this is kind of a corollary to what I was talking about recently on facebook…but I was thinking maybe I love God too much because I’d really rather hang out in heaven in his physical presence than on earth with his spiritual presence. The hard part with that would be leaving behind all my friends though, so I was thinking that I would like to go to heaven if I could take (list of names) with me…but then I realized that would be a problem because it would take all the really awesome people off of earth which would really not be fair to the people left behind…and since non-Christians can’t go to heaven, that would be a big problem, because I can’t just solve that problem by broadening who I am going to take with me to include every single person on Earth. Plus, the reason I gave myself for why I shouldn’t wish I could go to heaven right right now is that there are a lot of people I can help by being on earth that I probably can’t help from heaven…so solution number two was to take the bad people with me to heaven…but the bad people haven’t accepted Christ as the Lord and Savior of their lives and thus would have to go to hell instead and it isn’t very fair to take away their chance to change their ways before judgement day…which means I can’t go to heaven…which was kind of disappointing…until I realized that in reality I never had a choice of when to go to heaven in the first place, so nothing really changed besides my wild imagination coming back closer to reality.



So moderately recently they added some flashing lights in the parking garage at school…and some days I have half a mind to go pull the plug on them or fix them with some nice black duct tape. I will be the first to admit that I am not great at parking and that I sometimes go home later than I should. When I am having trouble parking I don’t need the motion of the stupid lights flashing on and off. Similarly, when I am half asleep and trying to get un-parked and out of the parking garage I REALLY REALLY don’t need that extra motion of lights flashing. That is super distracting and not very safe because if I sense motion I assume it is either a person or a car. That means I either jerk away from the motion to avoid an accident—which actually has almost led to a minor accident, or I just completely stop and look around to try to find the obstacle. That inconveniences anyone else who is around or it can also be dangerous, because other drivers don’t expect me to slam on my brakes unless I am going way too fast when I come upon a stop sign or a red light. I don’t know whose brainchild the flashing lights were, but it was a really bad idea. I wouldn’t be opposed to a light that was always on, but the flashing is really annoying and distracting and unsafe.


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