Don’t get too excited, just try staying calm…happy waiting patiently

(Patience – Thomas and Friends)

Saturday morning didn’t go according to plan. Actually, life in general doesn’t tend to go according to my plans. Mostly because I more have daydreams than plans a lot of the time. But anyway, Saturday…So yeah, Friday night I could not fall asleep. I blamed it on the humidity because I hate humidity almost as much as therapeutics, but in reality the issue was that sometimes my brain doesn’t turn off. I’m too busy thinking about ice cream and pizza and donuts and my bike and babies and so many other things that going from awake to asleep requires a special kind of focus. Also, the past few nights I had been having dreams at night so my body refused to sleep to avoid the feelings in the dreams (Imagine if your arms were duct taped to the wall at one end of the hallway and you were told you must run to the end of the hallway within 30 seconds, and it shouldn’t be such a big deal, drama queen, because that other girl whose arms were not taped to the wall did it in 25 seconds…it’s stuff like that my brain comes up with that borders on reality enough to be scary but not enough to be blatantly a dream. When in my dream L if pushing me off the parking garage and I am falling it is obviously a dream because no one would be dumb enough to do that in real life, so it isn’t really scary). As soon as I wake up and am oriented, I was fine emotionally each day, but I was exhausted. Saturday morning I at least woke up a little less exhausted…but after waiting 30 minutes the water in the bathroom was still not even getting close to feeling warm and I didn’t feel like taking a cold shower so showering in the sink it was. Not a huge deal. It gets water all over the floor, but it gets me clean without freezing in the process and detangler fixes the excess tangles that not having a stream of water straight down causes. I was taking everything in stride until I finished, turned off the sink, and heard something behind me. I turned around and saw a bee next to the window. I froze. Then I decided I was a big girl, finished putting on clothes, and grabbed a piece of foil. Then I got a little smarter and realized that trying to grab and squish a bee with a piece of foil was a bad idea. Then I kind of freaked out a little before I realized that I needed to finish getting ready and leave. My towel was very slowly hung up (to avoid startling the bee). I grabbed my brush and detangler, and slammed the bathroom door. Inside my head I was trapping the bee in the bathroom for dealing with later. I was very thankful I have deodorant in my car, because I sure wasn’t going to open the door again to use the one in the bathroom.

And then in the evening I realized I had to go home. I eventually needed to use the bathroom…and realized that without being able to watch the bee all day I didn’t know where it was. A day later at time of writing, I have looked everywhere a few times and don’t know where that stupid bee went. Which is kind of scary…and kind of annoying. I wonder if it found a way in through the washer somehow and then found its way back outside. I don’t like the idea that creatures could get inside that way, but it is better than the idea that there is still a bee somewhere hiding out in my apartment…and I think I would have noticed if a bee went out when I came in after thinking about it the whole drive home.

Sometimes it is a very good thing that God doesn’t say yes to all the things I ask for…I was praying for a year and a half for a tornado warning while I was at school…yes, I know that is dumb, because there is like close to zero chance of a tornado in November…but I wanted it and God can do anything so who was I to tame my desires based on a smaller version of God? As it turns out, I have been thinking lately that as awesome as a tornado warning might be, perhaps that isn’t really what I want. I really just want safety and companionship…and a tornado takes away one of those things…

I kind of convinced the girl I drive to church that there might be a tornado though. I didn’t really think there would, but it was kind of fun to watch her freak out and decide she was bringing her notes inside in case something happened to my car…I definitely milked it a little by brining my computer in to church on the premise that I would have my most important notes—in reality, I just wanted to check a couple things on the internet and it is a million times faster on my computer than my phone. It was rather unfortunate though, because I forgot to lock my car after I got my computer out…which on the positive side gave me an excuse to run around outside shoe-less to go lock my car before church started, but on the negative side, running around outside when the most exercise you do on a regular basis is walk to the bathroom periodically, and the only running you do is behind, makes you feel like you can’t get enough oxygen into your body and that you need a drink…but yeah, that was fun. And one of my friends stopped to say hi and I love my friends and I probably won’t be back until September and I will miss my friends so much. I missed donuts last week because I had to leave early, but people are worth so much more to me than donuts (which is why I left in the first place), and I will miss my friends long after I forget about the donuts…and besides, I was too fat to get the pants I wanted to wear all the way on Friday morning, so clearly I don’t actually need a donut…not that I didn’t have just as many calories from fruit and crackers and lemonade instead, but that isn’t the point. As much as I will love not being faced with the school situation 24/7, I will really miss all my friends here at school, church, and life. There are so many people that I have to leave behind every time I move across the country…which is going to happen a zillionty times this year…I wish I could pack up my friends and bring them with me. I mean, I do get to bring them with me via facebook (the ones with whom I am fb friends anyway), but seeing a name on a screen isn’t quite the same as conversing with and hugging a real person. I mean, I do hug my laptop sometimes, but it isn’t quite the same as a real person…even if it is pretty hot hot sometimes 🙂 .

Also, I should really go on facebook more…I think most people would say facebook is a time-waster and I should be on less, but when I got on this morning, I discovered three opportunities for free food that I totally missed out on by not being on facebook to find out about them. In all fairness, I probably would have intentionally skipped both the nachos and the juice event because they would have required going to school on Sunday, but I totally would have eaten free ice cream and chips on Saturday and all I would have had to have done was walk outside…

My life seems to be a lot about waiting…and then rushing later…For example, I was dumb and turned off my extra alarm in preparation for moving out (because on the day I move out I will want the alarm set a half hour earlier) and my clock alarm also didn’t go off this morning, though I’m not sure if that is problem with my having that clock since second grade or a problem with me playing with the buttons with my toes yesterday. So I was waiting like the most patiently I have like ever waited in my entire life (probably mild exaggeration, but, I mean, I wasn’t bouncing up and down and I at least would have looked like I was sleeping had someone been watching me…but eventually I ran out of patience and looked at the clock and it was like 5:44 and so I hurried up and got ready for the day.

At school there were supposed to be donuts at 8, so I was waiting patiently, but then I saw people at like 7:10 walking around with donuts so I hurried to get the one I wanted before all the boring ones were left.

And sometimes it goes the other way. I was hurrying to get my ID picture taken care of…and there was a sign up that the office was closed and would re-open at 7:30am…which is awesome, except that I stopped by at 8:15…so I decided to come back later…and at 9:20 still no signs of life…so, umm, how exactly am I supposed to take care of this (besides not waiting until the very last week of school since I can’t undo that?) Also, I was super proud of myself for crossing stuff off my to didn’t list that I actually didn’t do and didn’t anticipate doing…yeah, I am the kind of person who keeps more of a to didn’t list than a to do list, but usually I just keep adding to the list and things don’t get taken off until they are either done or it is too late to do them…for example, study for quiz…if the quiz was last week then it doesn’t really matter anymore if I did it, so it is crossed off…

Signing off to study for more finals,
Wiggle Worm 🙂

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