So, umm, there was an event a few months ago that I guess woke up the OCD and while the OCD has stayed subclinical waxing and waning but never becoming overt clinical OCD, it never totally went away again. Which is how I came to be praying Sunday night that I left the garage door open…see, I was a block or so away from my house when I decided I wasn’t sure if I had closed the garage door when I left. I really wanted to go back and check but I told myself no. I almost turned around at like each intersection and by the time I got to church for the Faith Family celebration (AKA, more kid time for me), I was close to 100% convinced that the door was open and there was going to be stuff stolen and I was going to have to explain what happened. I didn’t have time to go all the way back home and come back again, but I still couldn’t get the thoughts out of my head. Never has coming home to a closed garage door led to such a mixed feeling of relief and shame. Also, never have I whimpered to myself so much about taking out the trash…although that was partly bad attitude. I was annoyed that I couldn’t remember for sure whether the trash was supposed to be on the left or the right side and I already hate taking out the trash because it feels disgusting, so I was just so over the whole trash thing…not going to lie though, I definitely did go inside to put on socks before I touched the trash can (with just my right hand) because getting socks on one-handed would be a challenge, and I definitely didn’t want to wear socks contaminated with trash can hands.
Half of me wants help because I know how awful living with it can get if it takes over again. The other half of me says great idea, but we all know that isn’t practical and more likely to just result in bigger problems especially when this is only a minor inconvenience at this point to which I am overreacting.
I love being home though. I got to see my best friend a few times already and put her littlest to sleep twice (although the second time was short-lived when I had to hand him off to change another child’s diaper…sometimes I hate the whole only adults can change diapers thing…) and also got to see the sweet older two…
Of course I didn’t wait until the night before the rotation to even go looking for the quantify website…and then discovered that my site wasn’t there…oops…and I totally didn’t get distracted and save the whole reading the ridiculously long syllabus thing for the morning…I totally am not rushing through it to check it off the list before I run out the door.