Hey you, I’m into Jesus

(Into Jesus—DC Talk)

It’s true, I am into Jesus.

Also, over the past few weeks I have been thinking about going back to school. I don’t wanna. So many swirly emotions. Going back is always hard, but usually I am coming a place from feeling connected. I feel a lot less connected than usual. My at home church used to post the whole service online, and I watched it…however, they now do not post the part of the service I actually like: the music and the announcements. I can’t make myself watch just the sermon, and to be honest, sometimes I didn’t even watch the sermon part of the video and just skipped forward to the next good part. Without the music (that often featured my “friends”) and without the announcements, I feel a lot less connected. I know pretty much nothing that is going on at church. What I do find out is via facebook, which is a lousy way to get news, because you never really know if the information is from now or from three years ago, and most of the time the information you get is too late to be useful. I substitute Christian audiobooks in the car and I do still listen to a seemingly constant stream of either radio or another music source, but anonymous people are a lot less of a connection source than real-life people. I substitute family vlogs where I almost know the people, but that only really adds connection while the movie is playing since I don’t actually know the people.

Without a full time job, and without connection, I am afraid my communication skills will regress/have regressed. Not usually an issue in 20-somethings, but more of an issue when you are someone like me who minimally used words to communicate until college. Being able to communicate well is important when working on projects for rotations.

I do not like going back to school. Aside from the whole everything I am doing is in some way related to my grades thing that I really despise, the atmosphere of school is very challenging. I won’t actually be on campus much this year which will definitely be a huge plus, but doesn’t solve every problem. Being in the same state as certain other people requires the radar to be turned on with a bit more high definition. Additionally, not being a traditional student anymore decreases my opportunity to really have much in the way of in real life relationships since I am only ever going to be in one state for 5 weeks at a time…and will be generally required to be doing my school stuff during regular business hours rather than spread throughout the week leaving more normal times open.

I’m also not going to lie, it kinda scares me that someone who I really like told me she was going to make me not a picky eater…I am very happy at home with saving some of the chicken without sauce for my meal, or a portion of the enchiladas without cheese or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich instead of grilled cheese…I’d also be content with a totally different meal than everyone else was eating…I love eating, but there are some foods I don’t like but will eat to be polite, but there are definitely foods that fall into the category of I am going to be fighting myself every bite to try to eat it…I mean, let’s just say that for a while in high school my four dollar school lunch really only included two noodles and a bite of applesauce some days…the rest of the noodles had sauce on them and the chicken had cheese on it and the applesauce looked weird…which is why I learned to pack a lunch instead.

Also, no working full time and not being in school for the past five weeks seems to have greatly increased my distractibility…let’s just say I spent ALL day a few days ago trying to sell my textbooks on Craigslist and by the end of the day had not created a single post…I had, however, taken one picture of one of my textbooks, made lunch, cleaned up all my laundry, re-organized the pile of stuff next to my bed, sorted all the books, re-organized my bookshelf, took out a couple books I am in the middle of reading but never actually opened them, wrote a few emails but forgot to send them, etc…yeah, getting things done is not my strong suit right now. I’m not good at adulting.

Also, my love tank is so full today. I have the best friend in the whole world and I love her so much and I would totally move in with her if given the option. She is so sweet…and I am never going to win an argument with her, but she argues in such a graceful way that I don’t feel bad about myself for losing. She is pretty much the most awesome person I know. Except God…

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