The Wind is on Your Side

(Little Arrow–Stephanie Pauline)

Since yesterday’s post which I posted this morning was kind of negative, I thought I should probably make sure to post something a little more positive today.

I am doing so much better. Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday were not wonderful days, but I made it, and am on the other side. In reality, compared to how bad things got a few years ago, that was hardly bad at all—reflection is a good reminder of how far I’ve come. Yeah, they definitely weren’t good days, but they were a lot better than they could have been.

Today I did just fine. Did I use bottled water to wash my hands despite that supposedly being safe? Umm yeah, but it makes no sense to me if I am going to eat with my hands why it is okay to eat with hands that were washed with tap water if it wasn’t okay to eat with a spoon that was washed with tap water…not sayin’, just sayin’. Is it a waste of bottled water? Umm probably, but I needed to hurry up and get my bottom out the door, and over-analyzing the situation wasn’t going to benefit anyone much. It is one of those situations where you just have to realize that your sanity and/or time is worth more than the couple bucks that you supposedly wasted, so it isn’t really wasted.

I woke up plenty early…’cause that’s what I’m good at, but my problem is the actually getting up part. In today’s case, I was very much aware of what time it was but had no desire to get up, because I was tired. My body seems to think that sleep only counts if it is had prior to 5am…so I am exhausted and plan to go to bed early tonight if I can get enough done to feel comfortable with where things stand despite not getting up until 6:30. This is why I avoid staying up late if it is practical. Getting up at 6:30 meant that the entire morning was a race to get everything ready to go for the day, especially since last night I pretty much just got home and collapsed in bed so my stuff was in so semblance of ready for the day or anything.

I won the race and made it to my rotation just in time. Well, actually, I arrived in the parking lot 15 minutes early, but by the time I started walking towards the building, realized I hadn’t locked my car, turned around to go back and lock it, then returned to walking to the building, I arrived in the pharmacy just barely right on time. Luckily my suggested arrival time appeared to assume I would be late, so I still had like 15 minutes to put up yesterday’s post, find a pencil, and spin in my chair a few times waiting for something to do.

So far this rotation, I am learning about patience and trying really hard to sit still for extended periods of time. Good lessons I suppose. I think if I can focus long enough I will be able to enjoy this rotation. I am a little nervous because I have no idea what kind of projects I am going to be working on, and, it seems, neither does my preceptor. I felt like today when I wasn’t in meetings, it was pretty much like being a volunteer again, but luckily I loved being a volunteer, so even though it was activity that even a monkey could be trained to do, I had a reasonably good time doing it.

I try really hard, but I think I am still coming off as a dumb blonde because my lack of communication skills and lack of ability to sit still combined with the fact that I understand most of what is going on around me and therefore don’t have really profound questions to ask means that while I don’t have much assigned to me yet that I end up pretty much in my own little world.

Aside from my current rotation stuff, I am kind of stressed out because I spent many hours filling out forms for my next rotation, and I don’t even know if I did them right because they were so complicated and confusing. Also my next rotation wants me fingerprinted twice. I am a little stressed out about it because I have no idea when or where to go to get it done—and I don’t have a lot of flexibility to do it, nor do I have the luxury of time since they want it ASAP or else…Also, a few years ago when I was fingerprinted the person doing it noted that I didn’t have very good fingerprints…I am afraid that even though visibly I do have better fingerprints now than I did then that my fingerprints still will look a lot older than I am and have to be explained again. I hate the extra attention from having to explain that. I don’t like being different. Lol, for that matter, you don’t want to know the number of times in the past day or so I have screamed at myself that I just want to be like everyone else.

In reality, I think in some ways I am pretty awesome. There are just a few things I don’t like about me—mostly my communication and navigation abilities or lack thereof. And the fact that sitting still and quietly is my arch-nemesis.

Is it bedtime yet? Pretty please?


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