If you work all day and you never get paid

(The Mom Song—Go Fish)

I should be either writing a paper or practicing for one of my three presentations this week or doing some other pharmacy related activity. Instead, I am taking a break…(yes, I did just take a four hour break like 15 minutes ago…but my brain is tired). Besides, most of that break still required using my brain, because I am still working hard on learning how to be in a group of people, so everything I do and say is still very calculated. There are things that I am getting better at, but for the most part I am working really hard to pull myself just high enough for people to not wonder why that girl is so awkward.

I was thinking recently that I now understand why mostly the transfers at school all form a little clique and don’t really usually have any interest in mingling with the traditional students. See, it is all about being new at or near the same time. Here there are quite a few people who are here for only a month-ish at a time and a few of them started just a couple weeks before I did. Because they intimately knew what being new felt like recently enough to remember, they quickly invited me to more events than I could possibly ever attend. They became almost instantly close friends. The people who are here long-term I know and they are fine people, but I am not nearly as close to them as I am to all the new people (who are soon to disappear). The one I met first already left and I miss her. It is hard being a student and constantly moving and meeting new people just to leave them behind a few weeks later. I love my new friends. The other new people are leaving this week, but I am making some new friends that are staying here. I wish I could stay here like forever. I feel accepted here and I don’t have to be scared of who might be planning something to hurt me next. I love that I have so many chances to be proud of myself when the cafeteria serves something scary and I get at least a few bites in. I ate half a hot dog on a different kind of bun than I am used to a few days ago. I want so badly to just get to keep the friends that I make five weeks at a time.

Although staying could be a problem considering the less than ideal washer and dryer situation (no cold water setting, dryer takes 4 hours to get at least mostly dry, they seem to beat up the clothes pretty good)…Also, I have reached the point where it is hard to keep making and maintaining friendships, because I know at this point that I am leaving really soon and will have to leave behind the friends I make. Friendship is hard, but girl was not made to be alone. There are so many amazing people that I have met here. And some of them have kids at really awesome ages. (Yep, I do fit in better with the 0 to 3 crowd…especially the younger side of that group, but as my social skills have grown, I am a lot better at fitting in with older kids and even people my own age—the people my own age thing has always been the very hardest part for me).

I have learned how to be the stereotypical college student…no one wanted to come over and have dinner with me and I didn’t want to make a scary food and be obligated to eat it all myself and couldn’t think of anything normal-ish I actually wanted to eat, so I popped a bag of popcorn and ate peanut butter with a spoon directly out of the jar. It was delicious.


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