(Not done yet – Superchick)
“I need a day when the world can take care of itself. This isn’t what I wanted how I thought my life would turn out, and I wonder if it’s like this from here on out. Sometimes life gets you, but you go on.”
“It’s just life we’ll win in the end.”
“and I wanna give up and let it be what it’s been.”
“I got this far and I know that I can ride this one out.”
So yeah, today was a rough day, but when I was scripting my conversation in my head in case anyone asked when I got home, I came across these lyrics, and you know, that is a good perspective. Perhaps I was in the car for an hour and a half getting home from school because traffic was so awful, but maybe it was good in order to give me some time to cool off and gain perspective…now that I’ve had some time for a more realistic perspective, I think I will politely send an email to my preceptor about my feelings about this rotation so far and particularly about the midpoint evaluation…might be a more productive use of my time than spending it frustrated.
I don’t wanna talk about the worst part of the day, but let’s just leave it at it was bad enough that when I saw people walk past and not say hi and then once I calmed down enough to start texting people to hang out and the no’s came in, I felt invisible and unwanted. I considered going home immediately because I was so upset, but since I don’t make it to school frequently, on the off chance that anyone was around to talk to, I went off looking before I gave up and went into isolation mode. A lot of people actually weren’t available, but I did successfully find one person, and I got to meet someone I’ve been trying to meet for a long time, and then I talked to one more person, and I may have responded to the conversation started of how’s it going with something super negative like I hate life right now (of course with my make everyone happy personality this was quickly followed by a disclaimer that prior to today I had loved my first few rotations). However, by the end of the conversation, I was genuinely smiling, and felt okay. I wish I lived in Jones Hall. There are a lot of people there who are really nice. Then I found someone else to talk to on my way out. It was good. I still feel really frustrated and unhappy and overwhelmed about the situation with this current rotation, but it was a good reminder that I needed that there are good people in the world. Sometimes when I am surrounded by constant bad experiences it is hard to remember that there really is good. Not that the nebulous idea of there being good somewhere makes the bad any better, but at least it gives me a reminder that there is a possibility of someday experiencing a ratio of good that is more in my favor.