My dreams are like dust in my hands

(the waiting – Jamie Grace)

Sometimes I hate life and just wish I could give up.

Yesterday I was late for my journal club presentation. I drove as fast as was legal…okay, a little faster than was legal, but didn’t have time to get from clinic to school by the time I was supposed to be there. Being an excessively early person, that did not help the fact that I HATE presenting. Nor did the fact that as a result I didn’t get to finish eating lunch. I crossed the street without looking both ways because I could get to school faster that way, and it would have been totally fine with me if the bus that I came close to colliding with had actually ran into me. I also didn’t lock my car, because that also takes an additional 15 seconds that I couldn’t spare. The presentation itself went great.

Today I was going to get to catch up with someone awesome and was really excited…then things fell behind in clinic (not at all my fault–I was working super efficiently). I didn’t get my work done and I barely made it to school in time for the meeting I absolutely had to be at. The meeting was my midpoint evaluation.

I am really frustrated. I don’t want to be told that I am awesome…I mean, I do, but not if that isn’t what you really think. I felt upset in the meeting because I felt like all we did was talk about setting goals–I wasn’t there to set goals, I was there to find out what I needed to do differently to get an A on the rotation. The only what I am doing now that we actually discussed was that I had done a really good job.

I was overwhelmed with everything else in the rotation already. I looked up my evaluations online. Well, she might have told me that I was doing well, but the evaluations said I was lousy. I’d much prefer the grade be awesome and the words say I suck than vice versa. Please pardon my language. I shouldn’t use bad words to express my frustration, but right now I am too frustrated to care.

In a couple days I have to go to Midyear. I don’t want to. I hate everything. Not true…but I am super frustrated.

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