It’s a big world

(Big World Baby – JJ Heller)

The interview went okay, but was kinda nontraditional—it just happened in the hallway. That was actually really good for me though, because I didn’t even realize at first that the interview was happening. I just thought that we were killing time until my interview time started and then that we would do the actual interview soon. Eventually I realized this was the interview. I don’t think I totally messed it up, but I didn’t really get the sense that they were thrilled with me either. I guess I’ll find out what they really thought when they either do or don’t call me up for an on-site interview. I am scared that I won’t get a residency or that I’ll get a residency and find out that it isn’t really what I thought it was.

The opening session was…umm…mostly a waste of time. There was a little part about Cincinnati children’s that was super exciting because YAY pediatrics, and that is a program to which I am applying, but the rest of it was a big waste of time. The speaker had nothing to do with pharmacy and had nothing to contribute to the conversation. He wasn’t exactly the brightest bulb on the tree or anything. I hope his shoes were interested in football, because that was to whom he was talking…and I came here to learn about pharmacy, not about football. Also, I should have left early when some other people did even though they did specifically say not to do that. Sometimes following the rules is frustrating. Instead I stayed, and ended up stuck in a massive crowd for about 20 excruciating minutes, and hated every minute of it. I was not made for intense crowd situations. I much prefer a little quiet alone place where I can see the action but still be immersed in my little bubble. I prefer to choose when to be open to being around other people than to be forced into a shoulder to shoulder back to front crowd. My primary take away from the event: pharmacy is most definitely NOT a small world. Pharmacy is a big big world and not ever something I want to be in the middle of again. I am very happy to be my one little puzzle piece and get to know the people I am connected with and not be put into the same bag with a million other puzzles.

I want to a session on pediatrics that was kind of nice because I was actually able to contribute. I didn’t feel like there was much of a learning experience, but it was nice to hear what drugs other facilities are using most often. Then I went to a session on critical care. No one at my table was actually working in a critical care setting, but it still was a pharmacy related conversation, and I really enjoyed that as well.

I went to the residency showcase and almost walked out before I even finished walking in because it was so loud and chaotic. I actually spent about 25 minutes there. I started with trying to say hi to two of my friends, but I couldn’t find them, so I ended up saying hi to someone else who was at the booth they should have been at. Then I went to see the three programs in which I was interested and sign the sign in sheet of one of them. It was pretty useless. I did what school told me to do and attended the residency showcase, but I saw minimal purpose in it. There are too many people there to possibly be able to wander aimlessly and find a program to be interested in, and if you already are interested, it is way too loud to be able to get any information, besides the fact that probably you’ll only ever see the residents and not anyone who actually knows anything about the program…so anyway, I finished seeing my programs, went back looking for my friends again, saw that other person again, then left. So glad session one was over. I went to the exhibit hall because my mom said there would be cool swag there. It was kind of a fail. I came away with a pen, a highlighter, a handful of Kleenexes, some papers to throw away later, and two pieces of candy which are now in my stomach. I tries really hard there for an hour despite my lack of success because I figure if I have to be here anyway I might as well make the most of it. Torturing myself might be a good thing because if I can handle that then a little stress in normal everyday life will be like nothing. Then I went to a reception which was WAY better than the one the night before. This one actually had real food!! I was too stressed out from constantly being surrounded by people to eat as much as I wish I’d eaten, and as soon as I got back to my room I started eating the snacks from my suitcase, but it was a lot more enjoyable since I wasn’t both starving and exhausted. Just exhausted is at least a little easier to deal with. I also appreciated that someone else admitted that they weren’t a fan of these really loud venues either. I am really proud of myself. I have worked really hard to get through all this. I left the reception because I was so overwhelmed and really just wanted to find somewhere to be alone. I failed at finding somewhere to be alone, but I did manage to find somewhere at least a little quieter, and not being someone who is willing to so easily be defeated, I made myself walk back through the room one more time before actually leaving. I did it!!

I am very glad that I am now like halfway done. Soon I get to go back to normal life, and in a few years I might never have to come here again!!

Also, I was sad today that the sessions I tried to sign up for that sounded fun I couldn’t sign up for because registration closed…sad day…oh well, not the end of the world…besides, I still need the time to work on my formal case which has not been writing itself while I absent-mindedly stare at the wall trying to keep this way over-tired girl awake…after the brain cells used to stay awake there really isn’t much left to do homework which is a major problem. I am also really ready to be done with this place so I can have some alone time. It has been since forever that I have had alone time…even though sitting still in the car to drive isn’t really a great activity, I really look forward to driving to my rotation site on Friday because it’ll be my chance at alone time which I am really craving.

Sneak peak of what I did on Tuesday in case I don’t actually write and post it: Tuesday was a much better day. I still hate conferences, but occasionally the smile on my face was not pretending to like being here. I actually had some great experiences.

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