Take some time to kick back

(Holiday — Britt Nicole)

Today I am learning that sometimes I need to recognize that when I am maxed out that trying to keep going isn’t going to be productive…yep, as of right now I have spent almost 3 hours doing absolutely nothing because I couldn’t think slow enough to actually open up the tabs on the internet I needed to do homework and then read said tabs…

I think I know what happened…based on screening trainings I’ve done over the years, I have learned that my blood glucose sits right around 70 despite the high levels of sugar I may consume…in high school I went to a camp where they let me have popsicles and all sorts of other junk food items for breakfast. Right after that we did blood glucose screening, and the person teaching me asked me if I felt okay and if I had eaten anything at breakfast because my number was so low…I know that low blood sugar (particularly <70mg/dL) can cause anxiety and panic attacks.

My theory is that because I sit so low at baseline, that any excursion brings me low enough to induce anxiety. I didn’t really eat breakfast this morning because I forgot, so inevitably there was a good chance of going low. By the time I got as far as presenting my patients to my preceptor before rounds I was already feeling kind of zoned out and overwhelmed…then during rounds I pulled up my email and found out I was not going to be interviewed at one of the places I applied for residency…then I found out I got an interview somewhere else…on a Monday…they stated that they expect me to drive…it’s almost 11 hours away…almost no airline seems to fly there…

Topic discussion was switched to something I wasn’t prepared for. Noon lecture was about something I should have known about and the presented knew that I should have known, but my mind was blanked out. I checked my email right before I left for the day and I had another two programs tell me I was scheduled for an interview date…the same day and almost the same times as the first one…

To add to the stress, my mom has a cold and she is always super whiney when she has a cold, and she doesn’t seem to have ever heard of covering her cough, and she touches everything…and add that to the fact that any time I am starting a new rotation I become hyperaware of cross-contamination…added to the fact that on my second day the preceptor’s first words to me were that I should have wiped down my area before sitting anything down or touching anything…and I was bound to become maxed out eventually…

…and spotify doesn’t want to work and so I can’t have good calm down music playing to keep me focused…somehow singing “Harold the helicopter” to myself isn’t conducive to study time…

Lol…now that I’ve taken some time off to think, I feel a little more ready to work on attempting to actually study for a little while. The world isn’t going to crash and burn in the next few hours, and I know God has a plan even if it feels like that plan is precluding me from any chance at the residencies I want. Maybe I’ll learn to say would you like fries with that…or better yet, I could work at Caribou and have a free drink every shift!! Yummy smoothies!!

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