There are days when I’m okay

(Courage – Superchic[k])

Okay, so maybe not days, maybe only moments…and maybe only okay by my standards of still having a heart pumping oxygenated blood around my body, but there are some good reasons to be proud.

At like the middle of the night (which is actually more like early this morning) when I was using up the last 7% of my phone battery life without texting people in the middle of the night because that is rude to wake people up in case they have their ringtone turned on (not that I don’t forget sometimes…sincere apologies to those I have texted while sleeping), I found this really awesome article on the internet of things to say to answer how are you…

  1. I’m awesome from the ankles down (not true of me though…my right ankle is sore…like always happens when I’m stressed out ever since I fell on it in ninth grade and didn’t tell anyone even though it was bruised for over 3 months)
  2. I didn’t read my name in the obituaries today, so I figure I’m not too bad. (yep, it is important to read the obituaries when you get a chance to make sure you didn’t die and nobody told you).
  3. Good, but I’ll get over it (kinda true…I pretty much always answer with good, fine, or okay, regardless of what is actually going on…but eventually the mask will wear off, probably when I’m alone, and I won’t be okay anymore)
  4. I hear good things, but you should never trust rumors (Lol…which reminds me that I love being a Christian because Christians care about each other, but I don’t like the gossip disguised as a prayer request).
  5. My lawyer says I don’t have to answer that question!! (I don’t have a lawyer, but if I did, I would love to use this and see what people say).

I am so proud of me!! If I weren’t in class constantly yesterday I would have been giving myself so many high fives!!

First instead of the Dominos I was expecting, there was Panda Express. I am not a fan of change. Eating is already hard, so changing the food I am going to have to try to get in my mouth can be challenging. That could very easily have pushed me into the absolutely not category of eating…which would have been a problem since all there is in my lunchbox is candy, a hot chocolate mix packet, and an egg. (Yeah, I know, that still isn’t an appropriate dinner…but this week is stressful enough without worrying about nutrition. I finally am at least usually moderately interested in candy now, so right now I’m working on calories this week and next week will go back to nutrition that doesn’t rely on multivitamins).

Then everyone agreed I should go first because I was presenting. And everyone was watching me and encouraging me to take more. God did good in this circumstance by making me a people pleaser. I ended up with a full plate of Panda Express and the whole thing was eaten. If I had been with friends or in some other socially appropriate situation, I would have been so thrilled I would have been making my excited gestures and maybe happy-screaming. Yep, this girl who has been struggling to get through half a snack pack of crackers and a teeny container of peanut butter for dinner Monday night ate an entire plate of Panda Express!! So proud!!

And I finished my whole entire water bottle by 2pm!! And by the end of the day I’d had probably almost 5 cups of water! Words seem insufficient to describe the pride that I have for myself about that. Way back when this started I decided that the rules were 2 cups of fluids every day, and if I am being honest, I try really hard to meet the rules I set for myself, but they aren’t as important to me as the rules that other people make, so I didn’t necessarily always hit the 2 cup mark…in fact I can think of at least one day I barely hit the 2 ounce mark…

I am so proud!!

Although I was proud a little too soon about getting six hours of sleep…I was back down to three last night…but on the positive side, the sleep part of the time was more restful than it has been and I didn’t get up this morning feeling immediately like it was time to go back to bed, so there’s that.

Also, I would totally be an ambulance chaser if that were a real job. Today I saw a firetruck and an ambulance. They were a block away from where I was. I really really wanted to go see what was up. I didn’t primarily because if I drove over there I might get lost because I don’t have directions from some random corner to school…but I did try really hard to see what was going on as I turned left and almost forgot for too long that driving requires facing forward…lol…I couldn’t see anything because it was too far away…that was kinda sad…except I am smart enough to recognize that crowd control is kinda important in emergencies so it would not have been appreciated if any extra people stopped to gawk…

Also, I have awesome friends. Part of me says to be safe it is better to keep other people out, but the other part of me says that it is not good for girl to be alone. My friends are like my oxygen mask. I hold my breath counting down the minutes until the flow is turned on to let me breathe again. I am an extremely introverted extravert. I need people, I just don’t know how to find them.

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