Is it so wrong to be who we are? ‘Cause all that she’s done is fail…If you’re still there hang on

(Nice Naïve and Beautiful – Plumb)

Just a few random thoughts…

Lesson learned: there are parts of what I consider remnants left over from OCD that are actually serving me well and do not need to be eliminated. So there are places that for a reason I really can’t identify don’t feel clean even if they have recently been cleaned by me. Because of that I usually wash my hands after touching those areas. It isn’t a huge hindrance or anything – the vast majority of the time even if I couldn’t immediately wash my hands it wouldn’t be the end of the world or anything. I could move on with my day. So this morning I touched the bathroom counter and decided I should be a big girl and not wash my hands…especially because I was going to take a shower in like 5 minutes anyway. Well, I’m not sure if the cat touches that surface but even if the cat didn’t, people who touch the cat touch the surface. I got distracted doing something else and forgot about wanting to wash my hands. Then I touched my face and a few minutes later when my eyes were itchy I learned a valuable lesson…apparently allergies are for real and what I thought was immature excessive hand washing was actually protecting me…oops…

Some things are less protective though…OCD doesn’t make sense. I have no problem picking up and eating the cheerio I found on the floor of my car this morning, but I saw a portapotty truck and even 15 minutes and 5 miles removed from the situation I still was internally yelling at myself to stop being a baby because I still wanted to hold my breath to protect myself from the germs. Yep, I am WAY phobic sometimes of portapotties still…It is moderately okay to be a baby and hold my breath for the first two minutes while I am getting away. It is not okay to not grow up and realize it isn’t a big deal when you are 5 miles away from the offense.

So I took this survey on the internet a few days ago. It was labelled as supposed to help you find a job, so I thought I would put in my interests and it would give me links to jobs…haha…yeah…a few questions in it became very apparent that was not what this was for, but I figured I was far enough in I’d just see what happened. As it turns out, it was an MBTI. I got the same thing that I got in high school. ISFJ, but this one gave percents. That was cool, because it really explained why I felt like it was only like 47-64% accurate in high school (I don’t remember the exact percent, but I do clearly recall taking the entire paragraph description the stupid system spit out and underlining or crossing out each phrase and then counting and dividing to determine the percent accuracy…then getting frustrated that the multiple choice for percent didn’t get very close to the answer I had figured out…yes, I do realize they just wanted you to assess a general sense of yes this is me or no this is not me, but I am not a forest person. I am a trees person. I think this survey did a good job nailing down the introvert/extravert domain. Internally I am extraverted. I require contact with people. But on the outside you might not be able to tell that because while sometimes I am overflowing with bubbly energy, there are also times I need to be WITH, but don’t need to talk. I just need to BE. That is why I really needed the place I studied years ago – I could have WITH all day, but could go an entire day with minimal words leaving my mouth.

LOL, plastic bags, not just for holding things anymore (good because the bag is a little bit ripped). Also for protecting the blanket and sheets from the salsa spill that would definitely happen if there weren’t a plastic bag to catch spills. It might have taken around 90 minutes to finish this for lunch on Sunday, but I did it. (And yes, I do spend much of my time every day on my bed…yes I know that is bad sleep hygiene…ask me if I care).

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