Category Archives: Abortion

We’re Walking Into the Forest

(Kick Drum Heart–Avett Brothers)

In my law book there was a story about a woman who didn’t receive the birth control she was supposed to at a pharmacy and as a result got pregnant and had a healthy child. The book uses this as an example of compensation, putting the “victim” in the position in which he or she would have been had the action not taken place—the pharmacist was required to pay the cost of pregnancy and raising the child.


I find that a really lousy example. Without getting pregnant she would not have had the sweet experience of the deepest love one can ever experience: holding a sweet, beautiful, healthy, newborn child. Sure, kids are expensive and she wasn’t planning on one yet, but if the pharmacist is paying the full costs it seems to me like she is getting a double benefit: she gets to keep both the kid and the money…jackpot!! I am not advocating that we should take babies away from their parents, but it seems to me that the joy of a child should be most of the compensation she gets and so the pharmacist should only have to pay maybe half of the costs, because yeah, she intended to not get pregnant, but let’s get real, there’s a pretty good chance that she had a copay on her prescriptions and would have been paying something for a while anyway…and how do you not notice that your birth control looks totally different than it has before?! I am also not advocating that pharmacists can fill prescriptions with whatever they want—that is clearly wrong too.


Anyway, that got me thinking about how a lot of people have asked my position on dispensing birth control. I believe that murder is wrong whether it occurs in an adult or an unborn child. While philosophically people argue about when life begins, biologically, it is not up for discussion whether or not life begins when the sperm meets the egg. Oral contraceptives act by preventing implantation of the zygote (egg+sperm), thus ending the pregnancy long before it is detectable. For this reason, I believe that oral contraceptives should not be used if a patient intends to exercise use of their baby-making parts without further protection. I will not refuse, however, to dispense birth control for a few reasons. First, some people are using it in a legitimate way for conditions totally unrelated to killing babies and have no intention of utilizing its other function and it isn’t practical to sort through that at the time of dispense. Second, if I don’t give it to them, I am legally obligated to ensure they have another way to get it if they want it, so it doesn’t really do anything but make me a jerk if I say no. Third, legally, it is acceptable to use birth control regardless of what you want to do with it, and my freedom ends where yours begins. I don’t really think it is my place to act as God and tell you what you can and can’t do. I do know people who refuse to sell it, but in my opinion, it makes more sense to just do it.


On a totally different note, I saw this hilarious statement on a blog recently: “Remember to treat your password like your toothbrush. Share it with no one and change it often.” The article also gave a lot of easy to remember passwords which were supposed to be ones they didn’t recommend, but I looked and decided those seemed like good ideas for this girl with an excess of information competing for limited spaces in her head.


Sometimes I feel lazy (one of my friends would comment that lazy isn’t a feeling…)…but the vast majority of the time I am not really being lazy even if I feel that way…when I wake up and can’t keep my eyes open long enough to type in my whole password to my email before the screen goes dark again and I have to try again, that is probably a good sign that I still have sleep to catch up on rather than that I am lazy…and if the test is pass fail and I can finish in 25 minutes without checking my work and the only consequence for failing is probably going to be re-taking it over spring break when I am not so squished for time anyway, it makes a lot better sense to turn it in and get outta there. It isn’t lazy, it is time management…and besides, everyone needs a break, even me…


Side note number 3: When I totally wasn’t distracted (okay fine, yes I was) I found a document on my computer labelled story. It was an article I had written first year when psychcentral put out a call for personal descriptions of what counseling is like. It was a good reminder to be thankful for what I have, because everything I have is a gift that I worked for. It has been a long time since the days of it being an accomplishment to say hi to a friend. On the other hand, it made me mourn the loss of naïve trust and innocent belief that people would always have pure motives to help me…and I wish I still could believe that self-advocacy is effective…originally I wrote a lot more than this, but I couldn’t decide if it was internet appropriate, so I decided to delete it…also, I discovered this week that someone posted my name, cell phone number, school, and email address on the world wide web for anyone to see…if that same someone wasn’t already calling me twice a day I would complain, but since I don’t want any more intrusion into my life, I am just being frustrated inside my head (and on here)…thank God that I finally figured out how to auto-reject the calls though! Thrilled about that!


How Can I Serve You Today?

(Kpc, Stephanie–Stephanie Pauline)

Frequently I see signs around here that say “Pray to end abortion,” and every time my reaction was the same: I wish it were that easy. I believe those people’s hearts are likely in the right place, but if praying was what we needed to end abortion then it would have ended eons ago. I assume the people who make those signs are likely against elective abortions, but not necessarily medically necessary abortions to save the mother when her life is in jeopardy and neither mother nor baby will survive without medical intervention. I don’t think people decide to get an abortion because they think killing babies is fun…or at least I hope that isn’t why people do it. I think people do it out of fear. They are afraid of the responsibility that comes with nurturing a new life. They are afraid of how they will make ends meet with another mouth to feed and little ability to work while caring for the little one. They are afraid of what people will think if they are carrying this child without a ring on their fingers. They are afraid of not knowing how to love a child who might be perceived by others as different or less than.

These are not cruel, uncaring, mothers, rather they are girls who are lost and hurting and doing the best they can with what they have. They are already hurt and scared, and praying is great but isn’t the best way to fix it. I believe we are to be the hands and feet of Christ. God does not need us to be his voice—he has that front covered, and he does it without imposing judgment and shame on hurting people. He extends his grace and mercy to those women who have been raped, those teens who didn’t wait until marriage, those couples who just found out their child is different, those girls who don’t feel ready to be a parent, those women who think their family is already full. These people don’t need us to imply that they are doing it wrong—if they saw another way, I have no doubt they would take it in an instant. What these people need is someone to love them. Someone who respond I know you aren’t when they say they’re okay. Someone who will listen to their hurts, their fears, their pain, and their desperation and lovingly remind them of their desires, their joys, and their worth…but even that is not much better than prayer alone. These mothers have very real and tangible needs. She can’t afford childcare, much less diapers and formula while she is in school. She doesn’t know how to enter the world of therapies and IEPs for her child who will have disabilities. She is worried that this child will look like the man who hurt her but will grow up without a father. She is about to be evicted with the child she already has and doesn’t want to bring another child into the hopelessness she feels. So yes, if you feel compelled, pray, but if you really want to make a difference, put down your sign-making, and direct your efforts towards getting to know the mothers you are shaming. Put your resources towards helping that mom feel ready for a baby. Connect her with an adoption agency. Let her know she is loved. Help her see her worth.

I love learning. I hate school—mostly because I hate proving that I learned and I hate being told what is worth learning and what is not…I wish we could agree on a better way. I love to soak in knowledge like a sponge, but school drains me. Today I learned the word akathisia. It basically means feeling the need to be in motion. I am not wiggly, I am akathisic…and yesterday afternoon I was echolalic…someone said good morning to me, and I said good morning back…but it was like 6:20ish…but it was nice outside so it kind of seemed like morning…

Also, this morning I saw “sleep” on my to do list and crossed it off, ’cause I at least tried to do that last night…then a couple minutes ago I realized that by “sleep” I meant take notes on the topic of sleep that I am supposed to be learning about for therapeutics…yeah, haven’t finished (or started) that yet…

People have told me I consume to much sugar…I disagree…I will admit that it would have been amazing second year when I was occasionally eating more calories in skittles than real food if I could have found a better way to deal with stress, but clearly my body knows how to process sugar: I am still smaller than I’d like to be, and I had to use what I had available…I have a LOT less sugar now than I did then…a lot of it is that I have a much more limited access to it now and therefore must be much more conservative in what I use it for in order to have enough to make it through the day, but also, while I have not numbed out to the world, I do have a lot less intense emotions (well, less intense anxiety anyway) so my need is not quite as high…and due to circumstances out of my control I lost the dignity of choice except when I go to the store, and it is really hard to be separate and unequal…

At the end of the day, I still very much believe that if I feel a need then I will give myself whatever I have at my disposal to meet that need…so yesterday when I was fighting the deep loneliness that comes from continuously overhearing friends having fun without being able to see them, or seeing them having fun without being able to join in, and was nearing the end of my rope I tried to have more fun by myself.

I might have the attention span of a guppy, but I can usually entertain myself for a long time with minimal resources…first I had a beach party while watching (listening to) Mary-Kate and Ashley’s Beach Party, which is not one of their better episodes, but it features the vacation song that I like…then I had a pool party in front of the fire minus the pool or the amazing smell of chlorine (pool party is a great Mary-Kate and Ashley episode)…then I had a picnic…all the while trying to sit still enough to actually keep going with my frenemy dipiro (that is, my textbook)

…I don’t want much: just my friends…for that matter, some days I’d even be satisfied with pictures of my friends just to feel less alone. This extravert is sometimes gets frustrated with isolation. I can’t wait to graduate and run free no longer a caged animal. I want to taste the freedom now. I feel impatient…not going to tell you about all the things that have been written for months on my computer…but let’s just put it at, graduation cannot come soon enough for me.