Category Archives: Awareness

Broken souls with smiling faces…all scared to say how they really feel

(You are loved – Stars Go Dim)

There are about a million things in my mind right now I want to write about…


I don’t know where to start, so I’ll start on the surface…I was reading a news article that claims that the number of school shootings being reported is inappropriate and should be a lot lower. Their rationale is that one particular shooting had no deaths. In the shooting the article references a third grader was playing with a gun at school and accidentally shot it, so it shouldn’t count. I don’t see how you can even consider not counting that as a school shooting. A gun was fired. It was fired in a school. That is very clearly a school shooting. Was it a deadly school shooting, luckily no, but it is the very definition of a school shooting. This is a problem. The very fact that a third grader had access to a gun long enough to shoot it whether accidental or intentional at school means that we as adults are not doing our job of protecting children. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, there is no reason for anyone to own their own gun. The (very outdated) constitution gives you the right to bear arms. As far as I interpret that, it does not give you the right to own those arms. If you want to go shoot something I see no reason why you can’t rent the gun like we rent out all sorts of other types of equipment. And if we agree that shooting people is wrong we shouldn’t be arming our police officers and giving them permission to do something we agree is wrong. I’m not even going to say not sayin’ because I definitely am sayin’. We can’t keep having a school shooting every week. It is not okay that there are kids who aren’t even shocked something happened because it has just become part of what happens sometimes in schools. I am absolutely not a gun hater. When I went to summer camp as an elementary schooler, I always signed up for shooting guns as one of my camp activities. We shot BB guns and rifles. I didn’t go home and ask for my own gun, because we learned gun responsibility, and that holding and shooting guns is a privilege, not a right. It seems that is something that a lot of people don’t understand.


Totally unrelated, but there is a concept I saw on pinterest recently that really resonated with me. There are two kinds of people, those that ask whether the cup is half empty or half full, and those that ask if you know the cup is refillable and who or what stops you from accessing the tap. In reality, I don’t really fit into either of those categories. I am someone who believes the cup is always full, just sometimes it is full of air, sometimes it is full of water, other times it if full of koolaid…et cetera. But anyway, I really liked that idea, and choosing between the two options in the original post, I think I fit more into the second category. I want to encourage people. I want to understand their perspective and help them live their best life.


Speaking of living people’s best life, I was reading an article about mentoring maybe like a month or two ago. It focused on non-millennials vs millennials working together and conflicts that can arise. I found that I don’t fit completely into the sides of the conflicts that I am “supposed to” as a millennial, but can definitely see the merits in being aware of these differences when working with other people. Some seem a lot more legitimate than others…but anyway…Millennials tend to prefer ad hoc as needed accessibility with frequent short meetings for direction whereas non-millennials tend to prefer scheduled structured engagement. I’m not sure that is even a true stereotype. From what I’ve experienced and my knowledge of myself, I prefer a scheduled meeting for everything to be discussed then leave me alone. I don’t want to be micromanaged. My mom on the other hand is always nagging me to go talk to someone and I whine and scream that she doesn’t get it, you can’t just show up, you have to wait until it is your turn to have a meeting! I guess it is important to recognize that some people do need to just show up even if it isn’t an emergency so if you are someone like me you can plan around that instead of getting frustrated, and if you are one of those people to limit how frequently you just show up with someone like me who feels trapped if we don’t have lines defining the boundaries of in a meeting and not in a meeting.


Next, millennials tend to prefer collaboration and diversity whereas non-millennials prefer siloed hierarchy. On this one I do fall closer to the millennial model – I see no reason why we wouldn’t want to go directly to the person who has the information we need instead of asking someone who will ask someone else who will ask someone else. Playing telephone just seems like a way for both the question and the response to be garbled and to extend the conversation into a much longer process than it has to be. I also think that some people naturally will fall into a leadership position whether given that official title or not, and it is silly to tell them they are not leading when it is clear they are. On the other hand, however, I think to prevent chaos we need a defined structure. If everyone is in charge without any real structure, rules, or defined leaders, chaos will ensue because really no one is in charge.


Whereas non-millennials value process, millennials value purpose which they define as results. At first I wasn’t so sure about this one. I felt like I was totally a process girl. I want to follow the rules to a T even if breaking the rules might be a more efficient way to work. After reading the article’s example though, I definitely fall into the category of valuing purpose. The way they explained it is that if someone discovered something that could help people, the non-millennial would work on studying all aspects of this and publishing the information whereas the millennials focus would be on using the discovery right away to start helping people without stopping to write a formal paper on the topic. I totally agree…partly because I think the formulaic approach to writing taught in school is dumb, and the “scientific method” writing is even worse. I can’t stand writing it, and to be honest I find it a frustrating writing style to read which is why I much prefer textbooks that say it like it is over research papers that say the same thing ten times and debate with themselves what is going on instead of getting to the point. Also why I LOVE the society of critical care magazines and do not like the AJHP magazines. If you want me to enjoy reading it, then avoid the scientific method style at all costs and just write what you want to say…For that matter, I would love if reference sources just wrote in bullet points as if someone was taking notes rather than structuring everything into sentences…if it is a reference, then people want a quick answer, not an English lesson. Not sayin’ just sayin’.


The rest of the article was an assortment of things like if you are getting frustrated because a person seems X, then consider how their behavior might actually be a sign of Y. For example, because someone does not see social distinctions and hierarchy the way you do, they may seem entitled to you, but instead of being frustrated with their entitlement if you try to think of them as motivated you might be able to value and embrace their attempts at autonomy. Similarly, a person who doesn’t respect “time in rank” and is annoyed by “busywork” might be seen as lazy, but instead you can try to see them as balanced noticing how purpose, mission, and skills motivate them. Other X,Y combos the article introduced are impatient vs efficient, narcissistic vs empowered, social vs collaborative, and needy vs engaged. I felt like in working with difficult people this list of negative attributes with ways to find the good was the gold of this article. It is super easy to get frustrated with someone who seems to have one of these negative characteristics, and that can be a huge barrier in effectively working with them and allowing both of you to be the best workers you can be, but if you can look for the positive side even if it seems like a stretch to call any part of their behavior positive, it totally changes your perspective. I think if you are looking for the good, you are more likely to find it and that will take your focus off of how frustrating the person is to work with which in turn over time might make them into someone you actually enjoy working with or at least don’t dislike quite so much. Not saying it’ll fix every problem relationship, just that it seems like it has a lot of potential for relationships that might still be salvageable.


So…let’s see, what other totally disparate topic should I throw in before calling this post over…lol…About a month ago I was looking up pharmacy school graduation statistics…I don’t really remember why. From 2000 until 2005, there went from about 7000 pharmacy graduates to about 8000 graduates. So some growth, but considering this was the time pharmacists were getting cars or even cold hard cash as sign on bonuses, no kidding pharmacy was a growing degree program. Soon though, growth in pharmacy graduates took off like wildfire despite the fact that jobs have become much more scarce. The last definite number of graduates was in 2014 with nearly 14000 pharmacy graduates, with projections of continued growth after that based on enrollment data. This is even more impressive when you consider that this includes both bachelor and doctorate degrees in pharmacy, the former of which is a starter degree that very few people actually receive anymore and which has not been valid credentials to actually enter the profession since I think somewhere around 2000 to 2003, so really the number of qualified graduates has grown even faster than it appears. I guess no wonder it is getting so difficult to find a residency. Although building a new pharmacy school is very possible to allow a much larger number of students graduate with a pharmD, opening a new hospital to let that many more students go into a practice is not quite so easy – there isn’t the same overabundance of patients, nor are there necessarily enough of the other healthcare and administrative professions to make that possible. There is a distinct limit on the number of pharmacists any one institution can support. Even more so on the number of residents, as a resident, unlike a student, requires a paycheck, but the resident, like the student, while present 40 hours a week (or more or less) does not actually perform the work of a pharmacist all 40 of those hours and does require some minimum amount of time from other pharmacists removed from the work pool to educate and mentor them…so while residency programs are trying to help accommodate more graduates as residents, it is impossible for them to create nearly as many new spots as the growth in graduates requires, particularly as the pharmacy organizations start pushing for residency to be required rather than recommended…another one of those things that is a problem without an awesome solution. I mean, yes, it was irresponsible for so many schools to open and churn out graduates knowing there wasn’t a market to support them, but at the same time, now that they are open you can’t exactly expect them to just close ’cause you said so, and also these decisions don’t happen in a vacuum. Very likely the ideas to open a new school started when there was a shortage of pharmacists, and just wasn’t tabled when the market turned back down a couple years later, because even if the schools knew this wasn’t a good plan, there was still plenty of money to be made because there were still students either passionate enough about pharmacy not to care about the economics, or either not knowing or not believing the economic situation…


Okay, rants over. This was probably the most useless post I’ve ever written, but sometimes there is just so much detritus in my brain I need to get some of it out to be able to do anything useful…



Take the Bullets Away

(Take the Bullets Away – We As Human/Lacey)


Never have I written a post that better utilized the lyrics of this song…lol…


There are a lot of things inside my head that I want to write about…one of them is the shooting that made the news last week. I recognized the location on the map as the same general location as two other shooting events that made the news enough to reach my corner of the universe recently-ish…yet these people described their area as very safe. Sometimes we pigeonhole ourselves into a world of tunnel vision where we see only what is right in front of us and miss the big picture.


There are a lot of debates on the internet right now surrounding this event.


  • Is gun control super important or is it completely irrelevant?
  • Is the real problem guns or is it mental health?
  • Is talking about mental health following these events important in furthering the conversation or is it completely disrespectful?


So yeah, all those things get me thinking about what my opinion would be if my opinion actually mattered. Just going to say right now I think the position that talking about mental health following these events being disrespectful is completely stupid. Sorry if that offends you, but actually, no, I am not sorry about expressing my opinion, lol, just sorry you got your little precious feelings hurt. I think as a society in general we are often too self-centered. We are so focused on our own worlds that we miss what is going on in someone else’s sphere. Other people’s pain is not noticed or is ignored. For that matter, other people in general are often ignored. How many times have we all been on an elevator with someone we didn’t know and said absolutely nothing, or at most a hello? That reminds me of someone’s facebook post that I saw a few months ago. They posted to be really careful near this particular strip mall because omg they felt so threatened and scared…the real story? This person ignored someone who was approaching her and pretended she didn’t notice. She got in her car and she felt really threatened because the person came up to the window while she was texting and knocked on the window to get her attention. The person writing this post said she looked up then refused to acknowledge the other person. I read that story and was pretty sure it wasn’t the writer who deserved to feel threatened. It is perfectly natural and human to request assistance or ask questions of our fellow humans when we encounter them…and ignoring them and refusing to even take the 5 seconds to say you are busy or can’t help is nothing but rude.


Okay, so yeah, tangent of tangent of tangent, my point there is that while you obviously do not have to be mentally ill to commit a crime, I am guessing most people who commit crimes are not doing it because they have gotten too much positive attention in life, and that positive attention is good for everyone. People who struggle with mental health concerns often need positive support people, yet no one notices because we are all busy with our own worlds.


I don’t really care what you think the “real” problem in these events is. What I do care about is that these events seem to push mental health into the limelight. Whether mental health was a factor in the event or not, I think it is beneficial to bring more awareness to that area. I think mental health is something that a lot of people brush off as not that real, not that important, not that relevant, and that does a disservice to the people who do need help but think by extension their needs are not real, not important, not relevant. Everyone matters y’all.


I do think that access to guns is a problem. People have said why does a teen need a semi-automatic weapon (I don’t even know what that means…lol…). I counter, why does a teen need any weapon. For that matter, why does anyone need a weapon. Sure, if we limit weapons it will still be possible for bad people to get their hands on one, but that will be much more difficult, greatly decreasing the ease with which a crime can be committed. Outside of living in a warzone, which has not been the case in the United States since the civil war, there really is pretty close to zero need for personal ownership of a gun. People whine but what about hunting…well, no problem, because there is this thing we do with lots of other entertainment equipment called daily rentals. Rent the gun from an authorized facility for a limited period of time. Return it when you are done. This also prevents the issue of your toddler accidentally killing you when you leave your gun unlocked and accessible…not sayin’ just sayin’.


People also claim police officers need deadly weapons for protection. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Yeah, no. This argument goes back to the he said she said of childhood. Just because he pushed you doesn’t mean you have permission to push back. Two wrongs don’t make a right (but three lefts do J ). Murder is no less wrong when you are murdering someone who murdered. Dead is dead. I understand the desire to quickly gain control of a situation before you are close enough to physically restrain someone, but there are options that don’t involve killing or otherwise threatening people. Just because someone made a bad choice doesn’t strip them of their humanity and their right to be treated with compassion. If something audiovisual is not practical, then I’ve heard of something called a pellet gun, which in my understanding anyway, does physically hurt enough to shock the victim, but does not usually cause lasting damage.


Speaking of revenge killing…I read that is what the police want to do with the Florida teen. Kind of ironic, because the teen is apparently on suicide watch as well…so basically it is the justice system just wanting to show their power and exert control. No, you can’t kill yourself. We want to do that to you. People who are suicidal don’t necessarily want to die though. They want for their pain to end, and committing suicide seems like the only way out even though that really only transfers the pain to other people.


So yeah, the gun manufacturers are gonna have their panties in a wad if they can’t keep selling more guns, but really, what is more important, the needs of a very teeny tiny minority to sell guns, or the needs of the vast majority to have safety? The gun manufacturers can come up with something else to make but the dead people can’t become any less dead.


Kinda like what I heard today. Someone in a video said that following loss it is important to remember that we cannot undo what was done, and we cannot do what was not done. Therefore we must mourn the things that were done and realize we cannot change or replace the loss. Moving back into my life, this really explains why even if I had gotten an awesome residency in phase II, it wouldn’t have ended my mourning. We cannot do what was not done – it wouldn’t have changed that I didn’t have a residency then. And we cannot undo what was done – it wouldn’t take away the worthlessness, rejection, and betrayal I felt. It wouldn’t unkindle the pain of the abuse. Sure, it would add something that might take away the sting, but it wouldn’t undo the pain that was already there.

I am fearless…well that’s not me

(Cage – Plumb)

I will find out tomorrow if I have a job next year and if it is the one I wanted, but in the meantime, I am really proud of the work I did to get this far. Bravery isn’t lack of fear. Bravery is doing it, scared.

In the month of February, I was on 10 planes. I hate the airport. I hate the complete lack of control…and to be honest, being inconvenienced by people who think the world revolves around them is something I can deal with and brush off when at work, but that really annoys me when it involves other people. I suppose it mostly goes back to the fact that I don’t always value myself as much as I value others so I’d rather take the beating in order to keep it from affecting anyone else, and don’t want anyone else to have to be hurt. Like dude, you booked a flight with American Airlines so the United Airlines gate agent is not going to get you on a flight for free because you changed your mind about when and where you wanted to go. No one cares that you flew with United Airlines last week, but you’ve been talking to this person 45 minutes and they have other things to do to keep people moving in other areas so that we can all get on the flights we paid for…

I made a lot of connections and did a lot of other Big Girl things at the airport that made me proud of myself…and it wasn’t all bad, because on one of my flights there was a really cute baby in the row across from me (which does mean I got exactly zero homework done because that kiddo was so cute!)

I also stayed at a hotel alone for the first time. A hotel alone is definitely a lot more pleasant experience than with three other girls I don’t know well who are LOUD and omnipresent, but is definitely still something that I wouldn’t necessarily choose on my own. It was kind of awesome to be able to call a phone number and have a cookie delivered to my room though.

I booked four AirBnB’s and stayed at three of them. Slightly less scary than a hotel, but still a social experience that was totally new.

I rode a couple buses in Chicago. I may have used GPS on my phone to figure out when to get off, and the prices posted online were wrong which made for an embarrassing first ride when I had to dig through my bag to find more money, but I did it!!

I rode the metrolink near school twice and taught someone else how to ride. Finding it was probably the hardest part for me since that is a task I have done numerous times between school and the other airport terminal…I definitely did consider taking the shuttle to the other terminal so I didn’t have to keep looking for the metrolink platform at the terminal I was at, but I didn’t and I eventually found it.

I used both Uber and Lyft. It is unfortunate I didn’t know how to use new rider deals until after I had used the app and wasn’t eligible anymore, but whatevs…it still got me from point A to point B.

I also paid tolls for the first time. It was terrifying at first, but by the time I got to the last one on my way home it wasn’t scary anymore. If I had it to do again I would have practiced with fast food drive thrus where handing money to a person in a window earns you treats before I had driving in a completely unknown area to contend with in addition to the drive thru without any treats, but I made it…and made a wrong turn shortly after that last one that took me on a detour through downtown Milwaukee during rush hour, but it’s over.

Oh, and I had a wonderful time “sightseeing” in St. Louis…it may have been my version of sight-seeing which mostly involved walking past an intersection and being like HEY I totally recognize this place! It is where I got lost last year!! And ooooh, that is really pretty trash on the ground!…but it seemed dumb to me to get on the metrolink for the sake of going only one stop so I walked. Yes, I do feel safe in St. Louis. My opinion is that it is just as safe as anywhere as long as you have your brain turned on. Not turned on like be jumpy and critical of everything, but turned on as in treat people how you’d like to be treated and if someone is holding a gun then probably you shouldn’t provoke him or her…(not that I remember ever seeing anyone with a gun who wasn’t in uniform…but…it is also a REALLY good idea not to bother anyone in uniform if you value your life…just sayin’)

Only moderately related, but whoever designed the keyboard to have m and n next to each other was not thinking of the consequences…lol…so one of the blogs I follow is The Great Umbrella Heist. To navigate to this page I type Um and the down arrow and enter and am brought to the homepage…unfortunately, this morning my fingers were a little off and I typed Un…and instead of cute kids on the top of my screen I was greeted by something completely different that made me mad.

Moderately related again: pinterest found some cool things for me…I know better than to pin them, but I’m pretty sure my blog has become safe again…so yeah…these quotes made me smile…

“Abusing someone then telling them not to act upset is like stabbing someone and telling them not to bleed.”

Laughing SO hard…this is currently on my desktop and makes me laugh every single day. So like I know it is kinda rude and derogatory but that’s what makes it funny…anyone who knows me knows that I would never intentionally hurt anyone…which is probably why I am an easy target and also why I love the bold statement this meme is making – it is so not me, but starts to break down my walls of I’m fine.

“Rule #1 for helping a victim: believe her. Her description is only the tip of the iceberg.”

I saw this and was like “oh my, I totally understand now.” And that is why pinterest can be a good healing activity.


(Legacy – Nicole Nordeman)

So I experienced gender discrimination last night.

For Christmas I got an IOU for new skates.

My old skates were somewhere around a size 12 in Men’s that really only worked for me because they were lace up only so I could tighten the laces enough to make them fit albeit not the way they were intended to fit. The only problem was getting them back off once they were tightened around my feet…(you just gotta plan ahead if you’re going to need to go potty).

Well, I suppose that wasn’t the only problem.

They were a cheap garage sale find that had clearly seen quite a bit of use before I got them, and then I used them for many many years. At this point they were supposed to have 4 wheels on each skate, but currently have a total of 5 or 6 wheels total attached between the two skates. Some of the wheels are held on with rubber bands because the hardware got lost.

And some spiders apparently thought the skates would make a good home this winter and made a huge disgusting web inside one of the skates…

So all that to say that when I went shopping the first time the stores didn’t really have anything because it wasn’t really skating season and they suggested coming back in March.

So we called the stores we were recommended by some people who skate a lot and they said they had their stock in and were ready for skate sales.

In to the store we went. The first store employee was really trying to be helpful, but the store only had one pair of skates in my size, and they had a tiny spot of pink on them so I wasn’t interested. It wasn’t the employee’s fault; That employee tried really hard and looked at every box to try to find something that would work for me and it just didn’t exist – apparently the customer service’s assessment that they had their stock in wasn’t quite so accurate. In reality they had one or two skates of each style to start the display and that was all.

So on to the next store.

The next store clearly is ready more for ice skate than actual skate sales, but does clearly have a good amount of skate inventory. The problem at this place was the employee. I tell him what I am looking for and point out the like 9 different styles I really like. I also comment that a common thread of the styles I like are that almost all of them are red, so other styles in red I may also be interested in looking at.

The skates he takes out for me to try on are hot pink. I go along with it because a good idea of size isn’t going to change much with different colors. I figure out what size I need and the guy seems to think the transaction is done and I should buy the pink skates. Umm, no. Not interested. He eventually gets that I am not going to just buy the first pair that fits and shows me a lime green pair that is the most expensive pair in the store. I try them on to not be rude, but remind him that the ones I like best are the red pairs.

He looks at like two boxes. Two. Clearly not actually TRYING to find anything in my size. He then declares that the only skates the store has in my size are the pink pair and the green pair. I ask when more skates in my size will come into stock. His response is that they won’t; what he has is what he has. Umm, yeah. There is snow on the ground. I really doubt that you will never have any more skates in my size. I don’t have tiny feet or anything. If I had a twin brother with the same size feet would you really tell him his only options were the hot pink pair or the most expensive pair in your store? If so, you really need to take the word skate out of your store name so you stop embarrassing yourself. Plus, I probably wouldn’t even want that most expensive pair if it were red and cheaper – the reason it was expensive according to him anyway was that it had more plastic casing…and that plastic casing in my opinion makes the skate a lot less comfortable…

So off to a big box sports store to try again. They had no help available and clearly hadn’t started getting new stock for the season and had just taken out what was left from last year, but they did have a skate that fit comfortably and had no pink on it. The goal was red, but no pink is at least a start…a little more expensive than the same skate at the first store we were at was selling for, but they had it in stock in my size. They had a couple other styles in my size without pink…so I know it isn’t just that my size is only sold in pink…LOL, the dude at that second store was like but it isn’t that much pink…umm, yeah, only three quarters or more of the skate is pink…

Umm, if we were talking about shirts or maybe even pants I’d be willing to consider that perhaps you don’t have something that will fit well that has no pink on it (maybe…but I have successfully found pants and shirts marketed to males that I can wear just fine)…but we were talking about feet. Girl and boy feet are pretty much the same with the possible exception of nail polish which doesn’t affect how skates work. Pretty sure if a dude walked in looking for skates you’d have something with NO PINK to show him, so you ought to have the same respect for a dudette. Being a girl don’t change much about my search for skates except that I perhaps care more what they look like than a boy might, and my preference is no pink. If you can’t accommodate that preference then there is a problem, and that problem is gender discrimination. I know male feet don’t magically skip from like a 6 to a 10 or anything because I usually buy my non-dress shoes in the Men’s section (and I have a basic understanding of biology to know that isn’t possible). (Don’t judge…the men’s section has a lot better selection when you are looking for shoes without pink and without childish designs, and your X and possibly Y chromosomes have no bearing on feet).

The internet sells lots of skates in my size in red that look good, but the inability to try on and ensure correct fit is a problem since skates will be expensive to ship anywhere to return…

So When my heart hits the floor I can recalibrate

(Eye on it – TobyMac)

So you might expect based on my experience of midyear that presenting at the ISD ### STEM Career Fair would be something I would refuse…well, because I don’t say no to things I feel like I should do, I said sign me up. I mean, I could kinda sorta be in charge, and being in a leadership position is something that makes me a LOT more comfortable in pretty much any situation, so how bad could it be surrounded by 3000ish or so strangers? As it turns out, I loved it!! It would have been a lot better if I’d gotten there in time to shove some more food in my face before it started, but even so, I had a really good time.

Would I prefer a quieter place to sit down with people in a smaller setting – umm yeah, I would probably prefer that, but I had no problem at all (once it had started) with the actual set up. I was a little scared going into it, but I really had a lot of fun. That gives me a lot of hope because while I do probably have to go to midyear again this year, and while there are a lot of parts of midyear I can’t change, the one part that does change is that I get to spend some of my time on the other side of the table. And it’ll be even better than the prospective student open house I volunteered with at school because I won’t have anyone else to keep track of and find ways to get away from…and I suspect I likely will be able to speak about it honestly without risk of getting myself in trouble…see, when you sign up to volunteer your time talking to prospective students, there is an unwritten expectation that you won’t be one of those people telling them to run while they still can, nor will you be honest about things…it feels icky to lie or tell half truths about what something is like…while there were parts of that open house I kinda liked, I very did not like that I would be partly responsible for potentially getting some of these students trapped at my school. Yes, I do know it is improving and things are getting better, but I also know the worst offender is still employed there. I want to protect people, and I was torn, because I am loyal to a fault even towards people who don’t deserve my loyalty…but I also want to protect the potential new students. That whole open house I was just hoping they could all get connected with someone who would help keep them safe and maybe they wouldn’t get as hurt as a lot of people have.

Mostly unrelated, but I am driving to somewhere for an interview somewhere tomorrow (well the interview is Monday…but I’m driving tomorrow…). I may have had a little meltdown because I was so frustrated trying to figure out travel plans…and that is why you shouldn’t leave travel plans for the last minute…so there are tolls…and I don’t have enough time to go looking for an I-pass or EZ-pass…and I also didn’t have much cash and my dad says even though they say to go 5 miles per hour around the tolls that in reality people are going 50 miles per hour and there is no way I will be stopped or slowed long enough to write down how much toll to pay online when I get home…and I had only a $10 bill at home…

So problem number one was finding an ATM to get some money and an open bank to get a pile of ones and nickles…

The next problem was that a quick google search showed that the parking garage next to the hospital cost $52 (not a typo) to park for the day…umm yeah…I can take an uber or lyft both directions for less than that. Turns out there is a bus that goes pretty much exactly where I want to go…the only issue is that I’ve only ever ridden a public transit bus for that one assignment first year that was quickly scrapped after my class when they had some groups done in 5 minutes by driving, other groups (like mine) with no drivers who took 5 hours to not complete the assignment because upon consultation with a police officer we found, the address we were instructed to check in at did not exist, and finally I have heard of at least one group that ended up stranded downtown until 9pm…For that assignment they gave us very detailed instructions about what to do to ride buses and the metrolink to get where we needed to be and handed out metro passes before we started. (Well, I guess really good directions except for that one group who got stranded and the fact that my group’s directions tried to get us somewhere that didn’t exist). So anyway, all that to say I’ve never ridden a public transit bus but for a savings of $48 I figured it was probably better. As much as I hate the airport, I’m thinking if I ever have to do this again, I’d fly and take buses and trains the rest of the way. There is supposedly free parking where I am staying overnight and I plan on leaving my car there during the day while I am at the hospital, but all the rest of it is overwhelming…which is why on today when I was supposed to be super focused on getting homework it got to be noon and all I’d done was work on transportation for this interview…I still need to pack and do homework…

Yep, I’m kinda whiny today…that’s what happens when I’m stressed out for a long time and have almost continuously had colds since the second week of January…see, at work everyone was passing colds around, my family had colds, the people at my previous rotation had colds, the people interviewing me at one of the hospitals had just finished having colds and at another one currently had colds and all the people in the nursery one week had colds not to mention all the airport and airplane time and then I started my next rotation and they were passing around a cold, and I spent time at a high school…so basically as soon as I get over one cold, I’ve been picking up another one…someday I’ll be fully healthy again…

I saw something on facebook that says “Don’t call me overdramatic. If an octopus is stressed out it will eat itself. That is overdramatic.” I liked that a lot…yep, after trying to figure out this whole interview thing I declared that I was no longer even interested in having a residency if it meant going there…umm yeah…I’m not stupid enough to let this frustration get in the way of getting what I want…plus, I filed my taxes yesterday and for the first time I have an awesome refund coming my way!! It’s too bad I don’t get any city taxes back, because I feel like those are the biggest rip-off. I hate paying taxes…like I get the government is in debt, but not spending so much money would be a lot more helpful for the government than taking away the money I earned. Not saying, just saying. I deleted the rest of this paragraph because it wasn’t very respectful…

My internship forms were due like yesterday…one of them is currently in my folder and the other is not currently in my possession nor is it in the possession of the board of pharmacy…yep…I am a super responsible student…I tried…and failed…moral of the story, never try :).

Calling them names because they’re different is wrong

(I can be your friend—VeggieTales)

I hate election time because of all of the hatred and hurtfulness that people spew. The headlines are full of stuff like “Hillary should be in prison, not the white house.” First of all, we have a legal justice system in this country that determines whether or not someone belongs in prison. We also have an innocent until proven guilty policy. Oh, and it is “we the people” who get to decide whether or not Hillary will move into the white house…well, we the people with the help of the electoral college, but that’s a conversation for another day and not really relevant to this conversation. Second, how do you think Hillary feels seeing that kind of headline? Why must we be so cruel to those with whom we disagree? And then the headlines of “your body belongs to Trump.” I can’t say I read the article to which this was attached, but I am guessing it was surrounding the topic of abortion. No, your body doesn’t belong to Trump, and I can guarantee he did not say that. I know you know how you feel when someone makes comments about your actions that are false. Do you really think Trump feels any differently? Your body does not belong to Trump. I might be lousy at history, but even I know slavery was outlawed a LONG time ago. And abortion isn’t about what you do with your body, abortion is about what you do with someone else’s body who isn’t yet able to defend him or herself. If it isn’t okay to murder your children when they can scream then it shouldn’t be okay to murder them when they can’t. (Side note, if it were YOUR body we were talking about then post abortion you would be dead…not sayin’ just sayin’). Today I got onto facebook and 90% of what I saw was people spewing hate about the candidates. (The other 10% was mostly the adorable children posts that are part of why I even have facebook). It really bothers me to see this hurtfulness towards those two people and towards anyone who has a different opinion.

Y’all you might only see these people on TV, and they might look kinda funny, but they are not just TV characters; they are real people. They are people with real feelings and real thoughts and real emotions.

You are entitled to your own opinion. So are they. So is your neighbor who voted differently from you or didn’t vote at all. In all reality, the president doesn’t have THAT much power over our everyday lives. No president is going to mandate what time you set your alarm or whether you shower in the morning or at night or what time to have lunch—the things that really affect your day to day remain unchanged. When I woke up this morning nothing was different than yesterday in my life—nor will anything truly change the day that our new president gets the keys to the white house. (Side note that the vice president kinda gets the short stick–how come the vice president doesn’t get a cool house). You don’t have to like the opinions of the person elected, but you should be a decent human being and show respect to the person elected. You don’t have to like how your neighbor voted, but you are still going to have to live with them the other over 1400 days until the next election, so it is going to be best for both of you if you can get it through your thick skull that your neighbor is another person worthy of respect.

Perhaps the news media and the social media folks need a reminder that as the adage says, if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all. Have we forgotten our manners? Did we forget “the inside is the part that we’re supposed to care about; that’s where we’ve got feelings that are very much the same…it’s okay if we are different.” It is okay to be friends with people who do not share your exact same opinions. If everyone had the exact same opinions the world would be pretty boring. If you refuse to be friends then let’s remember that being rude and hurtful towards other people doesn’t show how superior you are; in fact, it pretty much just makes you seem childish. Let’s grow up and be civil towards people—even the ones who *gasp* aren’t identical to us.

When the music fades

(Heart of Worship–Matt Redman)

I mostly just like soft news except when I get pulled into a big thing and want to know everything…but no one will report the things I want to see and know about things. Things like Orlando people dying is hard…I want to see actual pictures and I want to hug people, but I can’t…so sometimes I’d prefer to talk about softer news…

I just read the dumbest thing ever a couple weeks ago…okay, exaggeration…but seriously…it was about how this girl, who may or may not have been 21 years old, drank so many alcoholic drinks that she passed out. Before she passed out she went outside with a boy and took off her clothing and stuff. The boy got in trouble for continuing to use her as a sexual object after she passed out. The people writing the article think it is not at all the girl’s fault, and the boy should be punished harshly (despite clearly being remorseful, recognizing his wrong, and verbalizing desire to help other people learn from his mistakes).

I do think that victim blaming is a problem. I also think that this girl seems to have contributed significantly to the problem. There were two of them. In this situation I see two people who were acting irresponsibly. I also see two victims.

The one positive: the girl had this quote, which is actually pretty good “Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.” It reminded me that I am really thankful to all the people in my life over the years who have met me where I was and were a flashlight rather than a lighthouse bringing light into my life rather than trying to tell me how awesome the light is while placing it where I cannot reach it no matter what I try. The girl didn’t take the rest of her quote in that direction, but BAM I just did…

Stand up when it’s all crashing down

(Stand in the Rain–SuperChic[k])

You are not inviSIble.


Side note…my left hand does usually remember which direction all the letters go…but drawing an awareness ribbon on your right wrist when you are right handed is rather challenging…(that’s what the orange squiggle after fight on is supposed to be)…also, the great thing about the awareness color for SIAD being orange is that it isn’t overly noticeable on my wrist so I don’t have to feel THAT unprofessional just ’cause I don’t have any professional looking orange shirts…

Totally unrelated, but it is really funny how many people move the sign out of the way and try to use the ATM…ever thought that maybe the big sign obstructing the machine that says “out of order” might be there because the thing doesn’t work?? Not sayin’, just sayin’.

For Immediate Release: Today is Take Action Day, This Week is NEDAwareness Week

SP? OCD? ASD? One ME!! Supports Rare Disease Day® (and eating disorder awareness) and Joins Global Movement to Raise Important Awareness for Rare Diseases

My corner of the internet, Next to the ATM—March 1, 2016—Wiggle Worm has joined forces with 30 million Americans and health care advocates around the world for Rare Disease Day® on February 29. Rare Disease Day is an annual awareness day dedicated to elevating public understanding of rare diseases and calling attention to the special challenges people face.

In real life, I am hosting an event at my school to spread awareness about Rare Diseases! Rare Disease Day is on the rarest day of the year this year, February 29th, and we are celebrating on March 1st. I am really excited…and I probably need to start thinking about what I am going to say, because I tend to think I will come up with what to say on the spot and realize about ten minutes in advance that I should probably write it down and since ten minutes before I will be finishing up an exam, it will be a little bit important that I write it down more than 10 minutes in advance (I know, I should be more responsible, but distrAction is my modus operandum…that and making messes…yes there is homemade applesauce all over the counter in my kitchen…I would have cleaned it up but then I checked my email and sometimes getting out the door can be a challenge).

Creating a community of mutual respect, everyone has their own unique challenges and things that make them tick. People with rare disorders are no different, and many of them feel rejected by the medical community when they are running the marathon of finding a diagnosis and treatment.

Y’all know I don’t post identifiers on here, so if you are interested in attending the event and need more information, do not hesitate to contact me.

According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), a disease is rare if it affects fewer than 200,000 people. Nearly 1 in 10 Americans live with a rare disease—affecting 30 million people—and two-thirds of these patients are children. There are more than 7,000 rare diseases and only approximately 450 FDA-approved medical treatments.

Rare Disease Day takes place every year on the last day of February (February 28 or February 29 in a leap year)—the rarest date on the calendar—to underscore the nature of rare diseases and what patients face. It was established in Europe in 2008 by EURORDIS, the organization representing rare disease patients in Europe, and is now observed in more than 80 nations. Rare Disease Day is sponsored in the U.S. by the National Organization for Rare Disorders (NORD)®, the largest and leading independent, nonprofit organization committed to the identification, treatment, and cure of rare diseases.

For more information about Rare Disease Day in the U.S., go to For information about global activities, go to To search for information about rare diseases, visit NORD’s website,

Media contacts:

Jennifer Huron, NORD, 203-744-0100,

Also, to give credit where credit is due, I got this template in my partner packet…so you can probably tell which words are my own and which were maybe not my words…also, I’m pretty sure take action day was supposed to mean talking to government people about creating new laws about eating disorders, but I really think that the government should stay out of things that are more personal and let people figure things out for themselves. Laws like not murdering people=very important…Laws about a lot of other things: kinda  ridiculous. Just let people be people.

You’re a winner, the cream of the crop, a hero in the eyes of God

(You’re a Winner—Discovery at Camp Wise’n’up)


Last year I tried to stay off of social media for finals…it was moderately successful in keeping me more focused although I have plenty of non-social media avenues to reach distraction…however, my first final is November 24th and my last final isn’t until December 11th, and there is no way I can stay off of social media that long…instead I am going to keep writing and stuff but it’s going to be less edited or focused and more of a stream of consciousness so I get the same joy of creating content without the time it takes to make it look presentable…

I have three quizzes today I am not fully ready for as well as a quiz tomorrow and a final exam tomorrow…if there were a better day for a tornado I don’t know what that day would be…well…assuming that tornado closed school for the next three weeks but didn’t actually mess anything else up…or if it could strike today at about 1 and then tomorrow from 9 until maybe 2:30 and then next Thursday from 1 until like 4?


I recently went to see a teacher because I missed every single question on a particular unit on the exam…after talking to the teacher I still completely disagree with his choices as the correct answers, but one of them the reason why there was absolutely no way that my answer could NOT have been picked as the best answer I’m not sure where I came up with, or rather, I am pretty sure I know exactly where it came from. The answer talked about a guy running a marathon in order to lose weight. Although even without my extra interpretation, I think that answer makes the most sense and the other options were kind of dumb, especially since the question was really an opinion question about which patient would YOU spend the most time working with on a particular counseling technique…I am pretty sure I spent too much time reading The Mighty and not enough time studying, because I assumed the guy had anorexia…actually, it make perfect sense to me even now, because if you are running a marathon it seems to me like you probably already are at a reasonably low weight and actually should be eating in such a way to maintain your weight because a malnourished body will not perform well, but an overweight body in a marathon is going to have to work a lot harder…


Last Tuesday I had to go to a stupid lunch and learn. First they said required. Then the night before they said we needed to dress nice. Then they completely failed to mention that this lunch and learn was sans lunch…also it was sans learning as well. They said the topic was managing neonatal abstinence syndrome. That actually might have been a reasonably interesting topic if the speaker had actually talked about it…instead the entire 75 minutes was spent telling us to be sure not to stigmatize people because that makes them feel bad and not trust you. No kidding. Not stigmatizing people isn’t really something you can learn from a lecture—if it were everyone would have learned that way back in preschool.



One of my friends posted this on facebook: “Never have I been so happy to get an “A” taken away from me. #LMFT #whew.” I laughed so hard when I saw that…I really wish there was an A in intern or student so I could post something similar when I graduate…


One of my friends told me she’s been voting for me for brightspots at school (a program that is a good idea on the surface but makes there be winners and sorry someone thought you were a bright spot but then we decided they were wrong…or in one of my other friend’s words: sorry, you’re actually a blackhole………which is why I liked the dancing flower event a lot better……….plus this one is secretive, which is why of the three I still think the good stuff list was by far the best). Back on topic, she said she wasn’t allowed to tell me who voiced an opinion against me, but that was a happy moment.


Sometimes my computer decides that it is auto-detecting French and I spelled almost every single word wrong…super annoying…except I just figured out how to switch it back to English…which is good since I am no longer fluent enough in French to type papers in French anymore even if I wanted to.


What friends are for: I sent one on a mission-ish to confirm that there still is a prayer room…I kind of suspected that based on the volume of people going down the hallway in one outfit and emerging in a completely different one, but I didn’t really know…on the subject of changing clothes though, over the past year and a half it has gotten a lot easier to change clothes in the bathroom without losing my balance–practice makes perfect, perfect I’ll be…also, considering I haven’t stayed overnight at school in close to two years, the toothpaste can probably come out of my backpack…


My inner stupid came out last week…yeah, I definitely shouldn’t be up late three nights in a row…The only negative consequence this time was exhaustion, but I know better…I had a lot of fun at small group Bible study, FCA, and then Cru, but three nights in a row is too many…It’s like living in a perpetual nap hangover.


I don’t always burn my popcorn, but when I do it becomes a gooey blackish un-identifiable blob that necessitates taking out the trash because the smoke hurts my eyes…actually, that’s not true…occasionally I smolder the edge of the bag before I really burn the popcorn…but I now have popcorn with parmesan on it which smells delicious…


I don’t like that people are so focused on France. Yes, it is awful that there was terrorism there last week, but there was also terrorism in other countries last week that we are completely overlooking. Does the terrorism matter more when it strikes a country where the people look more like you? I think not. There are some countries where people live in legitimate founded fear of terrorism every single day. Why do we pick and choose which lives matter? They ALL matter. There is one caveat though…if you are actually directly connected to France as in actually being in Paris during the attacks you have license to freak out a little and act like this is an isolated event. I just read an article from that perspective. It said that the Parisian motto is “fluctuant nec mergitur,” which means tossed but not sunk, and shows the resilience of the Parisians. I love that. I want to adopt that as my own personal motto, ’cause that’s kinda awesome.


So there’s this really beautiful song on the radio “your world’s not falling apart it’s falling into place. I’m on the phone stop holding on and just behave. Just behave.” Well, actually, that’s what I thought it was saying, but as it turns out the song is actually “I’m on the throne stop holding on and just be held.” Completely different, but a lot more meaningful and obvi still beautiful…also there was another new song on the radio that I liked too, but IDK what any of the words were…in my world songs are required to have words, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll remember any of them…I am binging on radio music while it is awesome, because soon it will be Christmas music instead, and while I do like Christmas music, I start to miss all the other songs I like, and also Christmas music has a completely different sound to it which makes it harder to fall asleep and harder to concentrate…kinda like how a different radio will make the same songs sound totally different…I am excited for Christmas break when I don’t have to take any tests or write any papers!!

It bothers me more than it should when people talk on speaker phone in places that are intended to be quiet…if you want to talk on speaker phone, go to the cafeteria, go outside, go to your room, go to your apartment, go SOMEWHERE besides where people are trying to study…ditto for if you want to watch videos at full volume without headphones on…if everyone around you is being loud and obnoxious then feel free to do the same, but when everyone else is being quiet and studying then maybe you should do likewise…