Category Archives: vaccines

You are bigger than the scars that you feel at night

(Head Underwater–Plumb)

Rotation is so much better than school. School isn’t about learning so much as it is about proving that you learned. For that matter, at school, they don’t really care that much if you learned anything as long as you could prove that you learned by guessing randomly…or cheating. I know cheating is a thing even though I don’t personally participate in that practice…and I also know that the system is kind of broken because for the most part people don’t get turned in and in exchange the people who do get turned it tend to get over-punished to make up for the people who didn’t get turned in which means that people are even less likely to turn people in and that people falsely accused by a teacher are more likely to just accept it than to fight it. I did have a teacher who accused people of cheating when a lot of them didn’t (I didn’t), but he was just going to take off points but if anyone complained we would all be going to the ridiculous committee where he would make sure we failed the class…umm, yeah, no one was going to whine about that. I will definitely take a bad grade over a failed class, and I still don’t do a good job of standing up for myself, but I was even less good at that back then (not that it helped that I was constantly being told how useless I was). Although, I still wouldn’t have had a bad grade in the class if he had graded the other assignments and exams fairly…or if he actually knew how to teach…or if a completely separate situation in my life hadn’t been going on in what should have been the background but in reality was in the foreground a lot of the time…and somehow despite everyone else seeing it I still had my head in the sand trying to make it work. Like my carpool buddy used to say a lot “I can’t fix stupid.” I would also add that I can’t fix things like self-centeredness among other things.

So anyway, back to rotation, if I am learning something it is generally because I *wanted* to learn about it because it is applicable to real life…and I NEVER have to prove that I learned. My preceptor is also awesome and if I don’t want to do a reading she’d rather I just didn’t than try to force my way through it (so far I still am in the student mindset though and I definitely did spend a few hours trying to read a few pages that went so far over my head in immunology that it really just frustrated me so much that the stuff I did know on the topic also left my brain). I never have to learn about something that doesn’t matter in real life first because my preceptor would have no reason to suggest it, and second because if I didn’t want to that would be okay, and if I don’t care then I probably won’t do it. (Not caring and not understanding are very different scenarios). I have always loved learning…but the problem with school is that I have always hated proving that I learned. What I know and how well I can perform on a test are very different things, and that adds to the frustration that is school.

I gave my first presentation this week. I didn’t think it went that well, but like everything else I got a lot of positive feedback. Now I am working on my second presentation. It is a lot harder because after countless hours of research I ended up with an article on immunizations to present. While I definitely agree that vaccinations are hugely important, everyone else in my audience likely also agrees so pulling a presentation together on that is challenging…and is the reason that my room is getting a lot differently organized (can’t really say more organized—that would imply that my room doesn’t still look like a tornado went off).

I also decided if I was presenting on vaccination I should probably also read ahead on the vaccination stuff…this is what giving up looks like…


Yeah, I didn’t even think about fixing the spelling of “give” and “birth.” I know what I meant, and some things just aren’t important enough to be worth my time…no one is going to ever read my notes with the possible exception of myself…someday I’ll slow down enough to get the letters in order.

I am still drowning in readings (hey, slow reader over here…okay, and distractible reader…), and I have so much to do, but I love my rotation…which is why I volunteered to come in today (my day off) because there was more I wanted to do and see. There just aren’t enough hours in a day or days in a week. I also got to spend a couple hours at work this week…there have been a few changes, but really, coming back is just like falling off a bike. I’m not really sure what that means, but that’s what someone always tells me…

Also, none of my patients died this week, but one did go home, and another that I recommended go to a step down unit did. This week I commented that a few of my patients were pretty much healthy…except for not being able to breathe…they kinda get boring at that point…it takes time to wean off of respiration support so when that is the only thing left before the kid goes home, I lose interest…which is why I anticipate that this week there is a good chance I will go beyond the recommended 5-10 patients to follow and get my 11th patient so that there is something interesting going on with more of my patients…

Another awesome thing about rotation is that I feel safe there. It feels so good to be able to do what I want and go where I want without weighing the relative safety of that option, because everything is pretty safe. It kind of makes me want to cross the residencies near school off my list just because I know on a bad day at school even going to the grocery store was something I did with caution out of fear of what might happen, so being back in that environment might not be good. On the flip side, graduating might put that enough behind me that it feels safe enough…IDK…that isn’t a decision that needs to be made today.

You’re crazy for thinking I’m a problem


So I have a PSA…because finals means that I am easily distracted by clickbait on the internet…but I promise this one really is worth the read. Read this!! Like for real. Click here. Or here. Or here. Or on the link: …or if you don’t read, at least watch the video at the end, it gets the entire point across anyway…unless you don’t like bleeped out swear words in which case if you don’t read, get a screenreader to read the article to you…I have been going to school for 5 years so far. Who will you believe? Me or that guy on Wikipedia who dropped out of high school? No judgement on people who didn’t make it through high school; some people just weren’t made for education, but the point is, I have been focusing my life since elementary school on health education, so I would suggest you get information from me or another credible source instead of some meme on twitter, or some book written by a non-health care professional…or a politician who we all know lies about everything in an attempt to win the popularity contest. It makes no sense to me that people have no qualms about injecting botulism toxin into their bodies, but don’t want to inject organic products into their children’s arms to keep them from causing their friends to die of measles. Not sayin’ just sayin’.

Totally unrelated, but I think people think I am not paying attention a lot because I am fidgeting…while it may be true that sometimes I am doing something else, distracted, and totally oblivious to my surroundings whether intentional or unintentional, most of the time, it is a good sign I am listening if I am in motion. If I am not at all in motion the most likely scenarios are either that I am spaced out, or that I am spending 75% of my attention sitting still and 25% trying to listen to what you are saying…so basically, if you want 99% of my attention the only way you are going to get it is if I am a little wiggly.

Also apparently I am wearing my Cru bro tank to church, because I forgot to pack a nicer shirt to change into…hashtag see how much I care…okay, more like see how distracted I can be after waiting FORever for the water to get warm before deciding that lukewarm was going to have to be good enough because I probably waited too long into the morning to get warm water seeing as how it’d been more than half an hour and it wasn’t even that cold outside…so I guess we will really put to the test the inclusiveness of church…Although on that topic, after talking last week, I feel a lot more secure, and although I did continue to try really hard to drive the speed limit at all times, it wasn’t a crisis when on Thursday I noticed I was a couple miles over…hey! I made it a week, and that is pretty good.

One more thing: if I had a frustration book, this would go in it:

How’d that ‘d’ get there?! First a little c, then a little d…in the wrong spot

…I suppose I might get more done if I didn’t stop to laugh at myself (and in this case take a picture) when I epically fail at writing.


Carry Fire in My Heart


4 Things that make me mad:

  • People that think that vaccinations are optional.
    • Not a single study has shown at all that vaccines were related to autism
    • Lots of studies have shown that vaccines are definitely not related to autism
    • Even if vaccines caused autism 100% of the time, here are your choices:
      • child with autism
      • dead child who also probably caused the death of some other people as collateral in the process
    • Spreading out vaccines only increases the amount of time your child is not protected from disease and also increases the amount of time your child can serve as a good vector for the transmission of disease…thank you morons for perpetuating diseases that we could have eradicated years ago if you would just turn your brain on once in a while…oh, I’m sorry, did you manage to realize I was insulting you? Well, you kind of deserve it for putting the rest of the world at risk by refusing to vaccinate your children in a timely manner.
  • People who are extremely rude and entitled…although I was never interested in retail pharmacy in the first place, my experience with retail pharmacy lets me know that a huge perk for clinical pharmacy is going to be not dealing as much with rude and entitled people…the thing with working in a pharmacy for kids though is that in order to help kids you have to figure out how to deal with their parents…and if the parents are that rude and entitled to a stranger, I can’t help but feel sorry for what the kid might be experiencing at home or be learning from that parent…
  • Any situation in which the person who was hurt is the one getting punished while the person doing the hurting gets to play the victim role
  • Abuse of anyone happening in secret (or, I suppose, not in secret)…but it’s even worse when it is happening to a child. It is NEVER okay to intentionally hurt someone, but it is even worse when you do it to a child. No one deserves it, but really? You are going to hurt a cute adorable child?

4 Things that make me really thankful