(It’s Christmas Time – The Plane Truth)
It is not super different because I am someone who values consistency and predictability, but yes, I re-decorated to better match the season…and because I have way too many decorations tucked away in my closet – I’ve been decorating both an apartment and a room at my parents house with enough stuff for rotation both places for a long time and now it’s all in one place. I window shopped online and at Target for some variety in bedding, but I haven’t found anything that met all four rights: color/design, price, size, comfort…well, that and my linen closet is full…I had a super cute pillow case I wanted to use for the post-Christmas winter, but it got lost at some point…but considering I have two copies of the bedding currently on my bed (except for the comforter), it is pretty safe to say that I really like it. A couple years ago I almost bought the same bedding in red and orange (which would have been awesome for fall), but it was only available in store, and I was the kind of person who never ventured as far as target. My apartment a mile or so away from school and church less than three miles from school were the boundaries defining where I tended to roam. Well, that and on rare occasions wherever my bike took me…and that one time when I tried to go to the princess library…
I was at Target like a week or two ago and found some towels I almost had to have. They were on a really awesome sale, so it would have been a good time to buy, but like I said, my linen closet is full and I really only use like one towel and then I put it in the washer and dryer and use it again and I have probably at least eight full size towels. Most of them don’t match (partly because as a swimmer occasionally I’d have matching towels and one would get stolen – super frustrating when you just got brand new towels but not nearly as frustrating as when your brand new (expensive) swimsuit that you adore gets stolen), but when you only use one towel they don’t really have to match. But these towels at the store were red. I don’t have any red towels. I told myself if I could come up with one reason to buy the towels without using the phrase “because they are red” I could buy as many as my heart desired, but obviously I couldn’t come up with any reason I needed new towels so I didn’t.
Speaking of the season, today I had my first pumpkin spice of the season. I had a pumpkin pie bagel from Panera. To be honest, it wasn’t that awesome. I realized that I like pumpkin flavored baked goods because they usually have a smooth consistency, but the bagel was kinda dry. And it wasn’t so much as pumpkin flavored as it was pumpkin colored. I probably should have gone with chocolate chip…but it was still good. Because of the issue of caffeine it is hard to get behind the PSL trend, but pumpkin oatmeal is AWESOME (and pumpkin and cinnamon doesn’t really flavor brownies but does make them smell AMAZING).
A few years ago when I did an ambulance ride along (which I primarily remember as an opportunity to get to go to like an hour or so of PALS (pediatric advanced life support) because there really wasn’t any excitement), they were talking about how you should eat when you can, pee when you can, and sleep when you can, because you never know when something will happen that will interfere with doing those things. I have been thinking recently about that advice and how useful it is in my current situation. I am actively trying to regain weight because I lost so much of it unhealthily this spring and haven’t yet regained my goal weight. Like I read somewhere, grief doesn’t really ever go away. Instead, it fades and becomes less all-encompassing but it is always there. At this point the grief is still very real, but it is SO much better than it was. I now can have times I am super excited though…but at the same time, it definitely isn’t totally gone. I can still go from having a really good day to about to cry quickly. So knowing that sometimes things are hard, I have started shoving food in my face whenever I have any interest at all in eating, because you never know when you’re going to struggle to eat your next meal.
So I made a new friend this week. Which was really awesome at first, but less awesome when this person wanted to know if I could hang out every day. I don’t know how I attract this kind of person…actually I do. I love people and am lousy at saying no and won’t write off the people everyone else ignored so people who haven’t made friends with anyone else become my friends and sometimes it is great, but other times I just wish I could figure out how to make them some other friends because it quickly gets exhausting being their sole source of entertainment and keeps me from having as much of an opportunity to make friends with people who might in the end be better friends for me anyway. Maybe God is giving me an opportunity to learn to say no…that is word that isn’t really in my vocabulary. I am not Minnesota passive aggressive, but I am most definitely Minnesota passive…and I wasn’t even born in Minnesota so I can’t say I was born this way…